Interesting Times Episode #22: A New School Year and a Dangerous Teacher! [It's morning; the Foster family is getting ready for another day, and Felna is helping Ada get her stuff together for school. She is currently wearing black shorts and a red t-shirt, plus black boots, and is in the midst of packing a purple backpack.] Ada: Wow! My first day of school on Earth! Felna: Are you excited, Ada? Ada: Yeah! Diane: Well, you'd better be ready soon if you want to make the bus. [She pulls out five brown bags] I've made all of your lunches, are you ready? Amy: Yeah. Ada: Almost... [Jeff stumbles into the room, followed by Pao-Gui.] Jeff: I don't care what you excuse is, Pao-Gui, I do *not* want you keeping any nitro glycerine in my room! Pao-Gui: Come on, Jeff! It's just a little bit! Jeff: No! Now come on! [Jump-cut to the fivesome getting off the bus, albeit in two distinct groups (Jeff, Ada and Pao-Gui, then Amy and Anne) and heading to class. Iggy runs up to Jeff.] Iggy: Hey dudes! You made it! D'you have your schedules yet? Jeff: Uh... not yet. Mr. Chen: [appearing from nowhere] I trust you are all ready for a new year of scholastic activity!? [Everyone jumps a little, except for Ada, who reflexively backflips away, then gets embarassed and walks back to the group.] Iggy: Like, of course! Mr. Chen: Good! Because I have been informed that ALL of you have been assigned my second-period Economics class!! [With a flourish, he leaves.] Ada: Is he always like that? Iggy, Pao-Gui and Jeff: Yeah. Ada: Wow... Reminds me of my fleet tactics teacher. [Still later; they're walking into Mr. Hilter's Classroom of Doom. Pretty much the entire high-school-aged cast is there. Rick stands up and walks over to Ada.] Rick: Excuse me, I don't believe I've had the pleasure? Ada: You want to do _what_? Rick: I mean... I don't believe we've met before. Ada: You sure? You look sorta' familiar... Rick: My name is Rick. And you? Ada: Um, I'm Princess Ada. Rick: What a beautiful-- Jeff: Rick, will you give it a rest. Rick: What bussiness is this of yours, Foster? Ada: Haven't you been watching the news? He's my fiancee! Rick: Are you sure you wouldn't change your mind? Jeff: Don't even suggest that. Not unless you want the Kaio to come down, enslave us all, and then harvest all of the Earth's psychic resources, leaving it a barren waste and other unpleasantness. Rick: Well... [hesitates -- he might be considering it] Mr. Hilter: [who looks about how his name implies] SIT DOWN MEIN STUDENTS! [Everyone snaps to attention, sitting down. The bell rings a moment later.] Mr. Hilter: Ja, goot! Velcome to mein Vorld History klass! Now, it seems that ve again have some new steudents in the skool. Would you please *BREIFLY* introduce yourselves? Ada: [stands up, hesitantly] My name's Ada Gin. I'm the Second Crown Princess of the Nwei Empire, and Jeff's fiancee. [cute smile, sits down] Mr. Hilter: Jaa... Und... you, in zee back?! [he points his baton at someone in the back.] [Everyone turns to see Usagi-26 sitting in one of the chairs near the back of the room. She is wearing denim shorts and a pink t- shirt, plus black boots. She stands up.] Jeff: Wha...? Usagi-26: Er... Hi. I'm Usagi. Mr. Hilter: And VERE did you come from? Usagi-26: Um... The... other side of town. Pao-Gui: [whispering to Jeff] Isn't that...? Jeff: Yeah. And she also works for Dr. F. Mr. Hilter: I VILL THANK YOU NOT TO TALK DURING MY CLASS, GENTLEMEN!! [Jeff and Pao-Gui shut up real quick.] Mr. Hilter: Now that that is out of the vay, let us get down to bussiness. Vee vill begin vith the dewelopment of civilization in Mesopotamia, ja? [Pulls down a map of the world.] Anne: [who is sitting next to Usagi-26] What're you doing here? Usagi-26: Going to school. What do you care? Mr. Hilter: [frozen, pointing at the map with his baton, hand trembling] I. TOLD. YOU. NOT. TO. TALK. [the baton snaps] NOW I VILL KILL ALL OV YOU! [pulls out a rapid-fire grenade launcher] [The class dives for cover as a grenade sails overhead, out a windown, and into a sit-on lawnmower. Anne leaps to her feet, accompanied by Amy, and they pull out their pendants. Iggy, turns and looks at them, and his gaze settles upon Anne's amulet, which has a crescent moon.] Janice: Iggy, are you...? Oh, christ. Not again. [Suddenly, Iggy morphs into werewolf form, and howls beastially, etc.] Amy: Eep! Mr. Hilter: I VILL NOT TOLERATE THIS MANNER OF MISBEHAVIOR IN MY CLASSROOM! [he fires off several more grenades, creating small explosions out all over the room.] Ada: [standing up, looking determined] Mr. Hilter! Violence has a place, but this isn't it! [she ducks, avoiding a grenade] Hey! [Cut to a view of under the desks; Jeff and Pao-Gui can be seen there, cowering.] Jeff: Man, we're off to a good start, aren't we? Pao-Gui: I'm not sure who's worse, this guy or Mr. Chen... Fei-Lei: Jeff: Let's see... Something's missing, though... [Suddenly, Mr. Chen bursts into the room, in full monk garb and everything.] Mr. Chen: Mr. Hilter! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?! Mr. Hilter: I AM ENVORCING DISIPLINE IN MEIN CLASS!!!!! Mr. Chen: THIS IS NOT THE WAY!! Mr. Hilter: DO NOT TELL ME HOW TO DO MEIN JOB, ALTER MANN!!!!!! {"alter mann" = "old man"} Mr. Chen: VERY WELL!!!! FACE THE VENGEANCE OF HEAVEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mr. Hilter: FACE MY MILITARY MIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Cut to later on, on the field. The students look on in awe at the smoking pile of rubble that was once a tank, now covered in wards. Chen and Hilter, both charred and barely recognizable, stagger out from the wreckage.] Mr. Chen: Fool. Mr. Hilter: Baastard. I liked that tank. Mr. Chen: Look at it this way; your class is most quiet now. Mr. Hilter: Ja. Maybe I'll have to... "assist" vith _your_ classes from time to time. [Cut to a view of the various students.] Usagi-26: And you say *I'm* a menace. [folds arms] At least I have *some* restraint. Iggy: It's not like I could help it! Janice: Me neither. Silvie: Oh well. It's over now. [the rabbit on her shirt nods, then looks panicked, and tried to stay still] Jeff: [glancing at the rabbit] Um. Yeah. [Usagi-26 notices the rabbit, who winks back at her.] Interesting Times Extra Theater #12: Usagi-26's School Daze [Usagi-26, still dressed in her school clothes, is sitting on a couch in a small room, with the TV on.] TV: And in other news, the latest superhero in San Francisco, Captain Kabuki, is on the case again. His origins are unknown, but that's usually the case with these supers. [Guildenstein walks into the room, and holds up a sign: "WHERE YOU BEEN?"] TV: His attire is nothing short of a Japanese kabuki outfit. I have to give him an A for originality, but _really_, historical outfits for superheroes? That is *so* passe! Usagi-26: School. ["WHY ARE YOU GOING TO SCHOOL?"] Usagi-26: [shrugs] I don't want to be a villain all of my life. It's kinda' hard to make a career out of world domination unless you're really good at it. ["I SUPPOSE YOU'RE RIGHT..."] TV: But right here, our own supers are going at it again. Dr. F-- ["HEY! IT'S US!"] TV: --and his henchmen attacked once again, this time one of the labs of Developmental Neogenetics Amalgamated. In terms of fashion, though, his groups are flopouts, the only real exception being the rather cute rabbit-girl-- [Usagi-26 jumps up and looks at the TV -- there's a pic of her above the newscaster's head.] TV: --whose mix of spandex and firepower gets an A grade from me. Their chief adversary, Dyna-Woman, still insists on wearing a -- get this -- _cape_, but she's always been a traditionalist. Even so, she was able to save the day, and once again, we give her our heartfelt thanks. Usagi-26: [blushing] Am I really that cute? [Guildenstein blushes, then shrugs. Usagi-26 looks at him for a moment, and returns to her homework.] ------------------------------------------------------------------ Episode #23: Captain Kabuki: Defender of Justice! [Jeff is sitting on the couch, watching TV, and Ada is leaning against him. Felna is sitting next to her, and Mittens is sitting on Felna's lap. Karasuo is perched on the top of the couch. The doorbell rings.] Felna: [moving Mittens and standing up] I wonder who that could be? Karasuo: I think I know. Jeff: What's that supposed to mean? Karasuo: You mean you didn't hear? Your cousin's supposed to be visiting this weekend. Jeff: Rex? [Meanwhile, Felna's opened the door. The guy who stands there is about 17 or so, and looks to be half-Japanese, with dark brown hair and brown eyes. He wears a red t-shirt, and black slacks, plus a black leather jacket and combat boots.] Rex: Hey, do I know you? Felna: I don't believe so. May I ask who you are? Rex: Uh, I'm Rex Kamiyama -- Jeff's cousin. Felna: [motioning him in] I am Felna. Jeff: Er... hi Rex. Rex: Jeff! [slaps him on the back] How ya' been? Jeff: Things have been... interesting around here. Rex: [eyeing Ada] And you must be the princess I keep hearing about. Ada: [nodding] Um hmm! I'm Ada! Rex: And Karasuo? What're you doing here? Karasuo: Akio sent me, for some reason... Mittens: Hey, I remember you... Rex: [sweat drop] Since when could your stupid cat talk? Mittens: Stupid? STUPID? [a red glow begins to come over Mittens] Now, I'm going to take revenge! Felna: For what? Mittens: All the times he stepped on my tail and kicked me and so many other horrible things! [the glow intensifies] Rex: Er... What should I do now? Jeff: Run. Rex: Oh. Makes sense... [Rex bolts, and Mittens races after.] Karasuo: Serves him right! Jeff: What, did he do stuff to you too? Karasuo: Yes. But I already dealt with him. [Rex runs through again, pursued by Mittens.] Rex: Ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshito hshit! Ada: Should we help him? Jeff: Nah. Mittens' probably just gonna' chase him 'till he gets exhausted. Amy: [walking into the room] Hey Jeff, what's--? [she watches Rex run through the room, pursued by Mittens, and bursts out laughing] Rex: NOT FUNNY! Mittens: Myaaa! Prepare to DIE! Rex: DAMN! [Suddenly, Mittens leaps, transforming into his little boy form in mid-air and landing on Rex, throwing him to the ground.] Rex: What the hell?! Mittens: That was fun! [Rex picks himself up, breathing heavily.] Rex: What the!? Karasuo: He can shapeshift. Get over it, before *I* kick your ass. Rex: [to Karasuo] I'd like to see you try. Jeff: ANYway. As usual, no one bothered to tell me you were coming, so how long are you staying, and why? Rex: Just for the weekend, and 'cause our house is being fumagated. Jeff: Right. Well, I'm heading to the comics shop. You can come if you want. Rex: Still into comics, huh? [shrugs] Got nothing better to do. Karasuo: Guess you don't watch the news much, do you? Rex: What do you mean? Karasuo: You'll see when you get to the comics store. [Jump-cut to Jeff and the Inklord facing off. Rex and Nate are talking in the foreground, while Ada, Karasuo, and a crowd of fans are cheering them on.] Rex: I don't believe this. Nate: Believe it. I'm working on starting a league for this sort of thing. Rex: But, I mean, they're fighting over *comics*! Nate: You wouldn't understand unless you're in the hobby, I suppose. Just don't go belittling them around the Inklord. Rex: That's that clown's pseudonym? Nate: No. It's actually his name. He's kinda' like the Tick; he doesn't actually have any other identity -- it actually says "The Inklord" on his driver's liscence. Rex: Weirdos. Nate: Oh, they're the ULTIMATE weirdos, recognized as two of the greatest comic collectors on the planet. [Outside, yelling can be heard.] Ada: [looking outside] Hey, what's that? Some Guy: Someone's attacking the bank! Rex: [nervous] Excuse me for a sec. [runs out] [Cut to a short while later; a team of ninjas, clad in bright red ninja gear, led by a strange Asian man in brightly colored robes, are in the process of robbing the bank.] Dr. Krahn: Put ahr de money in de sacks, an noone wirh get haat! Teller #3: [quietly] What did he say? [Suddenly, there is the sound of a biwa striking a chord, and Captain Kabuki charges in; he is wearing the traditional kabiki lion outfit, and wields a naginata (think of Kyoshiro from Samurai Shodown).] Kabuki: I am Captain Kabuki, Defender of Justice! Krahn: So good to see you, Captain Kabuki! Wercome to my little palty! Kabuki: I've foiled your plans a dozen times before, and I'll do it again! Krahn: You know what dey say; tirteent time's a chaam! Kabuki: [raising his naginata] We'll just see anout that! [Krahn motions one of his ninja forward, who draws a sword and charges Kabuki; a furious melee ensues. Suddenly, there is a bright flash of light.] P. Sun: GREAT SOLAR WIND!!!!!!!!!!!! [All concerned spin around to see the Celestial Pair; the people applaud.] P. Moon: I am Pretty Moon, Defender of Love! P. Sun: And I am Pretty Sun, Defender of Justice! ... and.... Who're you? Kabuki: Wielding an ancient power and dispensing justice, I am... [strikes a pose against "The Great Wave Off Kanagawa"] CAPTAIN KABUKI! P. Moon: I thought you operated in San Francisco... Kabuki: Most of the time! [turns to face Krahn] It seems my visit here was right on time! Krahn: Moa than you know! GET THEM! [The ninja produce various weapons, and charge our heroes.] P. Sun: N-now what? P. Moon: We fight them! [she sidesteps a sword blow, and knees a ninja in the stomach.] SOLAR PROMINENCE! [fire erupts from the ground, striking down one of the ninja] Kabuki: AKU RYO TAI SAN! [he points his naginata, and blue lightning coalesces into a series of kanji before flying out and surrounding one ninja and frying him.] Krahn: You are betteh than I expected. But tiss time, I'm ready foa you! Kabuki: What's that supposed to mean?! Krahn: Tis time, I have some friends to back me up! [pulls out a cellphone, hits a button, waits a good twenty seconds as the BGM continues at its fast pace] Hello? I tink I'll need you afteh ahl. Yes. Fahst National Benk. Good. I'll see you den. [folds up and puts away the phone.] P. Moon: Who was that? Krahn: None other dan my new arry! You should know him wehr -- Doctoa F! P. Moon: You're serious? [Suddenly, Dr. F's hoverjet crashes through the window, and sets down. Dr. F and his gang step out.] Dr. F: So good to see you! Krahn: Raikewise! Dr. F: [looking at Kabuki] So, this is the arch-enemy you've been speaking of? Krahn: Dat is Kaptain Kabuki. Kabuki: That's right! And I will bring you to justice! Dr. F: I doubt that. Guildenstein; entertain our friend here. [Guildenstein nods, and activates his energy aura.] Kabuki: What the...? Dr. F: You do not know the power of genetic engineering, but you will! [Guildenstein surges forward, unleashing a torrent of punches and kicks; Kabuki is thrown to the ground. Guildenstein then turns his attention to the Celestial Pair.] Dr. F: And as for you two... [Close up of Kabuki; his eyes spring open, and he jumps to his feet.] Kabuki: Bakayaro! It'll take more than that to defeat me! [Guildenstein spins around and hurls a blast of crimson energy at Capt. Kabuki, plastering him to a wall. Cut to Usagi-26, with a submachinegun, collecting money from the tellers.] Teller #2: Hey! I've seen you guys on the news! What's your name? Usagi-26: Usagi. Teller #2: [putting bills into Usagi's bag] Really? Can I have your autograph? Usagi-26: [blushes] Um... sure... [Cut back to the Celestial Pair; they've been cornered, surrounded by the ninjas, plus Guildenstein and the raptor.] P. Sun: N-now what? [P. Moon grins. They both raise their naginatas.] P. Sun & P. Moon: FINAL CELESTIAL ACTIVATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [There is a colossal burst of white light. When it ends, their assailants are all knocked over. Dr. Krahn and Dr. F exchange worried glances.] Dr. F: Now what? Dr. Krahn: [grins] I am prepahed for just such a ting! [he pulls off one of his hands (a prosthetic), and puts a chainsaw in its place. The chainsaw activates.] Now, Cerestial Paihl! [Dr. Krahn charges them, his chainsaw cutting up everything in sight, save for our heroines. Finally, he has to stop to catch his breath.] Dr. Krahn: How deah you dodge my attahks! [Captain Kabuki pulls himself out of the wall, and staggers towards Dr. Krahn.] Kabuki: I will defeat you! [Suddenly, the hoverjet takes off.] Dr. F: WHAT?! [Dr. Krahn's cellphone rings; he answers it.] Dr. Krahn: Herro? Uh... Okay... [to Dr. F] Is for you. Dr. F: [taking the phone] Yes? [Split screen view, with Usagi-26 on one side.] Usagi-26: Hey, doc! Dr. F: Where... are you? Usagi-26: [looking out the window of the hoverjet] Fifth and Virginia, but that's beside the point. Dr. F: What are you doing? Usagi-26: Well, I did manage to steal about two hundred thousand dollars while the rest of you were busy yelling at each other. Dr. F: You... you're serious?! Why...? Usagi-26: I thought it was about time we actually succeeded at a crime. I'll meet you guys back at HQ. Dr. F: Um... very well. [closes the phone, hands it back to Dr. Krahn; end the split screen] Dr. Krahn: Don't tark too rong; do you have any idea how much I peh for ailtime? Being a villain is velly bad for yoah cledit lating! Kabuki: AKU RYO TAI SAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Dr. Krahn is surrounded by blue lightning, and he drops to his knees.] Dr. Krahn: Damn you, Captain Kabuki! [he removes the chainsaw hand, and attaches a minigun instead, and begins firing away.] Kabuki: I won't let you get away this time! [he charges Dr. Krahn, deftly avoiding most of the bullets, and deflecting the others off of his naginata, but when he reaches Dr. Krahn, he is simply bludgeoned with the minigun.] I have to be going now! Dr. F: And I as well. [Dr. Krahn throws down a pellet; smoke explodes outward; there's a lot of shouting, but when the smoke clears, the villains are gone.] P. Moon: Damn! They got away. P. Sun: Oh well. Maybe next time. [They fade back to normal.] Kabuki: Wait a sec! YOU'RE the Celestial Pair?! Amy: [sweat drop] W-what are you talking about? [Anne grabs Kabuki by the ear, and drags him around a corner; Amy follows.] Anne: Yes, okay? Just don't tell anyone. You're a superhero... kind of... you should appreciate the importance of maintaining a secret identity... [she studies Kabuki more closely] Kabuki: Wh-what is it? Amy: Rex? [Kabuki scowls, then reverts to his true form -- Rex.] Rex: Yeah, it's me. Anne: No wonder Captain Kabuki was screwing up so much. Rex: Hey! Jeff: [walking up behind, holding a stack of comics] Hey guys, what's going on? Anne: I don't know. Maybe Captain Kabuki here would like to tell you. Jeff: ... I don't even want to know. But I think I do. Rex: Just don't tell anyone about this, okay? Anne: I wouldn't want to *admit* to being related to Captain Kabuki. Rex: What's your problem?! Jeff: Never mind. Let's head home. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Interesting Times Episode #24: A Visit From The Empress: Nanotech Madness! by Ewen "Blackbird" Cluney [Open on a small Nwei ship streaking through space. Cut to the cockpit, where a Nwei woman in her late 30s, with spiky blue hair (styled kinda' like Shayla-Shayla) and a green gem in her forehead. She wears a green and yellow jumpsuit, with a dark green cloak.] Computer: Empress, we will arrive at Earth within the hour. Defestra: Very good. [to herself] I miss you, Ada. [Cut to lunchtime at school.] Iggy: So... Ada, how do you like it here so far? Ada: It's kinda' neat, but there's no combat training... Pao-Gui: You'd probably find Earth combat training insufficient anyway. Silvie: So, what's your favorite class? Ada: Hmm... Probably P.E. [Outside there is a tremendous explosion, and everyone races outside to see what has happened; a massive Nwei ship has just landed on the front lawn of the school, leaving a crater around it. Everyone looks on in awe.] Ada: Uh oh. Jeff: What is it? [The hatch on the ship slides open; mists obscure the person inside save for a female shilouette, but the clear momentarily, revealing Defestra.] Janice: Who's this? [Defestra runs up to Ada with a flying tackle, throwing both of them to the ground, then rolls, comes up, and pulls Ada to her feet.] Defestra: Ada! [hugs Ada] I've missed you so! Ada: [smiles] I miss you too mom. Iggy: That's your mother? Ada: [turning blue] Yeah... Jeff: It's... good to finally meet you. Defestra: [dropping Ada and similarly hugging Jeff] You must be Jeff! I've wanted to meet you for *so* long! But I've been so busy lately that I just haven't had a chance! Jeff: [turning blue] erh... yeahg... Defestra: [dropping Jeff] So, who are all your friends? Jeff: [catching his breath] Um, these are Iggy, Silvie, Pao-Gui, Janice... and Amy and Anne are over there. Defestra: Nice to meet you all! I'm Defestra, Crown Empress of the Nwei Empire, and I know how to kill you with my bare hands in 36 ways! Ada: [annoyed, elbows Defestra] Mom! [loud whisper] Non-Warrior Culture! Defestra: [blushes] Oh! I, um, also like to play the torturiphone! Janice: The what? Ada: NEVER MIND. [to Defestra] So, what brings you here, mom? Defestra: Well, I finally managed to finished that whole Lyran Campaign bussiness, so I thought I might visit my little Ada, not to mention your fiancee. Jeff: How... long were you planning to stay, Your H-highness? Defestra: Please, just call me Mom. Jeff: Er... okay... mom... How long were you planning to stay? Defestra: Oh, a week or so. Then I've got to head back to Nwei Prime for a while -- it's Atak's turn to go out fighting, after all. [to Ada] Oh, by the way, did you like the Bioroid we sent you? Ada: Yeah! Felna's really cool. Defestra: Well, maybe you should adjust her heating sys-- Oh, that's Earth-talk, right? Jeff: R-right. Defestra: So, son-in-law, can I meet your parents today? Jeff: Well, my mom should be home, but my dad 'll be at work, and won't get home until tonight. Defestra: Well, let's go! Jeff: Er... we're kinda' supposed to go to class 'till this afternoon. Defestra: Well, [pulls a tachyon rifle] if anyone asks, you were kidnapped by a powerful alien warrior queen! [she grabs Jeff around the waist, and runs back aboard her ship, laughing.] Ada: I can't believe her sometimes. [follows, reluctantly] Silvie: I never thought anyone could embarass Ada. Iggy: Mothers have a way of doing that. Ada: We'll be back. Hopefully. [Jump-cut to Defestra's ship landing outside the Foster residence. Felna stands on the doorstep.] Felna: A Class II Dropship? [The hatch opens and Defestra, still holding Jeff in one arm.] Defestra: So, this is the place huh? Jeff: Y-yeah. Can you let me down now? Defestra: Promise you won't run away? Jeff: It's not like I'd get that far anyway. Defestra: [grin] You're right about that. [puts Jeff down] Felna: E- Empress Defestra? Defestra: The one and only! You must be Felna! Felna: [bows] It is a pleasure to meet you, your highness. Defestra: Likewise. Is Mrs. Foster in? Felna: Certainly. Follow me, please. [Cut to inside; Defestra stands before Diane.] Diane: ...It's a pleasure to meet you Defestra: Sure thing, sister-in-law! [slaps Diane on the back, a little too hard] Diane: So, what brings you here? Defestra: Just came to visit my daughter and my future in-laws. So, where's the man of the house? Diane: Bob's at work; he should be back in a few hours. Would you like to stay for dinner? Defestra: I'd be delighted. [Later still; Defestra is on the easy-chair and Jeff and Ada sit on the couch.] Mittens: Please tell me this won't be like when Ame came by... Defestra: And who're you? Mittens: Name's Mittens. I'm the cat around here. Defestra: [sitting up, leaning towards Mittens] And what exactly do you think is wrong with my little Ame? Mittens: Well, the main thing I was worried about, besides property damage, was a repeat of the incident with the multi-blaster. Defestra: [smiles] But I hear Jeff made a cute girl... Jeff: [shivers in recollection] I'd just as soon not repeat the experience, if it's all the same to you. Defestra: [dissapointed] And I left my multi-blaster at home... Ada: Mo-om! Defestra: So, son, tell me about yourself; what do you like to do? Jeff: Um, well. I collect comics, and I'm learning kung fu... Ada: It's a form of hand to hand combat. Defestra: Oh really? Why don't you show me a little? Jeff: I'd rather not-- [Defestra hurls herself out of the chair, going into a flying kick that impacts on the wall mere inches above Jeff's head. Jeff scrambles out of the way, and takes up a fighting stance.] Defestra: Not bad, for a non-warrior. [she attacks again, with a flurry of punches, and Jeff narrowly avoids most of them] Come on! I'm not even breaking a sweat here! [Ada rolls her eyes. Jeff does a finger-strike to Defestra's arm.] Defestra: Huh? What was that supposed to be? Jeff: Er... Pressure point attack? Guess it only works on humans. [Defestra body flips Jeff, and presses her foot against his sternum.] Ada: Are you done yet, mom? Defestra: Nearly. Now-- [suddenly, she pales, and stumbles backwards] Ada: [in awe] I guess... the pressure point actually worked. Defestra: [pained laugh, gripping her arm] Ehheheheheh... I thought I recognized that. If I recall, it causes total paralysis for a few hours in most Nwei. 'Course, it's a million to one chance to actually hit that nerve... [she falls over] Ada: Mom? You okay? Felna: Empress? Defestra: [calming down] I hate it when this happens. I guess I'll just have to wait for my nervous system to get back to normal. Jeff: [sitting up] Wow... Defestra: Congrats; you're the first person, apart from the Emperor, to best me in hand to hand combat. I wasn't sure, but now I know you're the right one to marry Ada... Man, this could get dull. Can someone press the button on the buckle of my utility belt? Ada: Um, okay. [does so] [Suddenly, a swarm of silver particles fly out of the buckle, forming into a silvery humanoid, which laughs maniacally.] Defestra: Whoops. Ada: "Whoops"? Swarm: We are Swarm! We destroy all!!!! Defestra: I'd meant to bring the *other* nanites along, the medical ones. These are supposed to be an experimental weapon. Jeff: What do they do? Defestra: Destroy the planet. Everyone Else: WHAAAT?!?!?!?! Diane: Oh dear! I'll have to be going now. [races off] Mittens: Well, that's just great. Swarm: We destroy! We grow! [it extends a tendril out and engulfs the TV, growing larger] Yum! Defestra: Maybe we should get going. Ada: Right! [Ada and Jeff pick up Defestra. Cut to everyone (save for Diane) on the bridge of the ship. Below them, Swarm has grown to Godzilla proportions.] Karasuo: Damn! What can we do now?! Defestra: Difficult to say. The nanites have to be either completely destroyed -- next to impossible -- or neutralized. If even one of them is left, it can start the process all over again. Ada: But... how can we neutralize them? Defestra: We have to... er... Mittens: You DO know what to do, right? Defestra: Hold on! It's in the database. Ada: Right. [she activates the onboard computer, and brings some stuff up.] Let's see... Recommended methods of removal. (1) Allow Swarm to consume planet; after a period of 500 years, all nanites will lose power. (2) Destroy planet. (3) Introduce virus into primary operational core of nanite creature within 24 hours of its activation. Click here for more information... [A holographic display of Swarm appears.] Computer: Defeating swarm in this manner will be difficult, to say the least. I cannot provide stochastic information on the outcome due to lack of data. A force of at least four is required. One unit, which we will designate Pawn Sacrifice, will attempt to penetrate into the very heart of Swarm [the diagaram shows a figure in power armor proceeding towards a box outlined in the creature] and once there, allowing the nanites which are performing core operations to contract the encrypted virus provided. This will cause nanite units to be reduced to their original number, and delete all combat programming. Other units must provide a constant covering fire to keep the Swarm intelligence occupied. Any questions? Defestra: Is there any cure for that pressure point my son-in-law hit? Computer: Patience. Defestra: Damn. Someone else will have to take out my power armor. Ada: Don't worry! I'll handle it. Defestra: Sorry. It's custom-fitted. Has to be someone closer to my size, like... Jeff. Jeff: M-me?! Defestra: Don't worry. You know the ancient art of kung fu and all that, and besides, operating a power armor isn't *that* hard. [Jeff glances irritatedly at the sky. Cut to Jeff, suited up in a wicked-looking power armor, standing on top of the spaceship.] Defestra: [over radio] Okay. You have the disc with the Damoclese Virus; all you have to do is get into the core and inject it into the system, then get out as fast as you can. We'll provide a covering fire. Okay? Jeff: Right. Ada: [over radio] On the count of three... one... two... THREE!!!! [Jeff launches forward, and the ship's proton cannon batteries spring to life. Jeff dodges and turns, keeping out of the way of the proton fire with ease. Suddenly, a silvery hand the size of a Buick smacks him into a nearby building.] Swarm: Swarm NOT be defeated!!!!!! Swarm destroy ALL!!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!! Quake with fear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jeff: Damn...! [he activates the hoverjets, and rises up out of the office building, leaving behind a very confused and frightened FYI news team, and speeds towards Swarm, loosing a few missiles, which strike it with relatively little effect.] How do I--?! Ada: [radio] Get in close, then activate your energy blade! You can cut your way in without much trouble! Jeff: Right! [he makes a beeline for the creature's belly, turning and dodging all the while, and narrowly avoiding another silvery fist. When within mere feet of the surface, an energy blade springs from the armor's gauntlet-arm, and he slices into it.] Swarm: Hurt! Must destroy! Jeff: No way jerk! [he slashes repeatedly] Eat this! [Suddenly, the silvery surface around him contorts, three spines lashing out. One misses, one hits his left arm, and one hits his left leg, both penetrating the armor and coming out the other side. Jeff cries out in pain, and fires off everything the armor has.] Ada: JEFF!!!!! [When the smoke clears, Jeff hovers before a gaping hole, in which a golden, pulsating sphere can be seen. He moves in closer, and pulls out a small pink disc.] Jeff: Gentlemen, this... is your wakeup call. [he thrusts the disc into the sphere] Defestra: Get out now! [Jeff turns to leave, but the nanites are going berzerk, forming lances all over the place. The screen goes black, showing a splash of blood. Cut to later on, a view from inside eyes that are just opening to a view of Defestra, Ada, and Karasuo standing over.]: He isn't gonna' like this. Karasuo: He? [Jeff sits up, and looks around (camera only shows his head).] Jeff: What happened? Defestra: Well, the medical nanites apparently didn't have enough information to work on, so they used what was immediately available, so... Jeff: Wha... ["he" stop short, realizing that his voice is an octave higher. Pull back the camera to reveal that Jeff is now female. Again.] Not again. Why the hell did this happen!? Ada: Like mom was saying, the nanites didn't have enough information, and they only had me and mom to scan, so when they repaired your body... Jeff-chan: Someone had better have one of those stupid gender guns around or something. Defestra: Sorry, no can do. My repair drone needs repairs after that last mission, so we're going to have to wait for Galaxy Express to deliver one. Until then... Ada: The good news is, they recalibrated your balance and reflexes, so you shouldn't have any trouble walking. Jeff-chan: Oh, that's reassuring. How long will it take? Defestra: Oh, a coule weeks. Jeff-chan: I'm going to have to keep it around the house, just in case... Defestra: I can see our relationship is something we'll have to work at. Jeff-chan: Damn straight. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Interesting Times Episode #25: A Very Unusual Thanksgiving by Ewen "Blackbird" Cluney [Jeff-chan stands indignantly in the living room.] Jeff-chan: But why the hell do I have to come along? Just tell them I'm sick or something! I really *don't* feel all that well anyway. Diane: [heard from another room] That's normal. Besides, your grandparents will miss you. Jeff-chan: You mean they'll be missing their grand_SON_. Going to school's been hellish enough, you know! Diane: Well, I'm afraid you'll just have to come along regardless. [to Karasuo] Are you coming along? Karasuo: [looking up from the TV Guide] No way! I'm not about to miss Oprah... [blushes] I... er... I mean, Crocodile Hunter. Yeah. Diane: [chuckles] Suit yourself. [Cut to the interior of the Foster family's van as it drives along.] Amy: Hey, Jeff... Jeff-chan: Leave me alone. Anne: Just wondering if you've... Jeff-chan: I don't want to hear it. Amy: What? It's perfectly normal for a young woman to-- Jeff-chan: SHUT UP. Anne: You're no fun at all. Ada: Stop it! You should be more supportive of h-- Jeff. What would you do if you were turned into a guy? Anne: Um... Amy: Well... Jeff-chan: What do you say we find out when the gender gun arrives? Amy: That... Anne: ...Won't be neccessary! [Cut to later on; the van pulls up to a large house surrounded by trees, and everyone piles out (the Foster family, plus Ada, Pao- Gui, Mittens, and Felna).] Bob: Well, here we are! Let's see how everyone's doing. [As they reach the door, it swings open, revealing Pearl Foster (Jeff's grandmother), a tall, heavy-set, old woman who radiates a sort of gentle happiness.] Pearl: You made it! How are you all doing? Bob: Just fine mom! [They start filtering into the house.] Pearl: And I see you have a much bigger group this year... Bob: Well, let me introduce you; [motioning to each in turn] this is Ada, Jeff's fiancee, this is Felna, Ada's bioroid friend, this is Pao-Gui, a Chinese exchange student who's staying with us, and you already know Mittens, though he's sentient now. Pearl: Nice to meet you all! [motioning to Jeff-chan] And who's this girl? Jeff-chan: Um... Anne: It's Jeff. Pearl: [sweat drop] Oh really...? Jeff-chan: It's a long story. Hopefully, I'll be able to change back ASAP. Pearl: Um, well... That's... Well... Amy: Well, why don't we go inside now? [They walk inside the house; it's a small, but comfortable place. An old man with wild, white hair (Albert; Jeff's grandpa) is there.] Albert: [standing up] Hi y'all! It's good to see ya' after so long! So, where's my favorite grandson? [There is an uncomfortable silence. FInally, Jeff-chan raises her hand. Albert looks at Jeff-chan in a mixture of shock and disbelief, and then faints.] Jeff-chan: Well, he took it better than I thought he would. [A short while later, the family is sitting around a large dining table with lots of food and so forth.] Albert: [to Jeff-chan] Fascinating... You mean your condition is the result of the alien technology? [to Bob] I wonder if your little genetic engineering thing can manage that! Pearl: Don't you two start, now. Albert: [to Pao-Gui] So, -- Pao-Gui was it? -- You know much about science? Pao-Gui: Well, I've studied chemistry a bit... Mittens: Not to mention alchemy. Albert: A man after my own heart... [Everyone else but Bob, Pearl, and Jeff looks confused.] Bob: So, dad, have your... experiments produced anything interesting lately? Albert: [devious grin] Well... [There is an inhuman moaning, followed by a sort of crashing noise.] Ada: What was that?! Albert: Nothing to worry about. [The moan is repeated.] Felna: Are you certain, sir? Albert: Of course. Pearl: [getting some mashed potatos] *Please* tell me you haven't been working on that re-animation nonsense again. Albert: [getting some slices of ham] Weeelllll...... Mittens: What is all this about? Jeff-chan: Let me put it this way. Guess what grampa's favorite book is. Ada: Hmmm... I dunno. Jeff-chan, Bob, Pearl, Albert: Frankenstein. Amy: Wait a minute, are you saying...? [Suddenly, a door is broken through behind them; a massive, Frankenstein style monster guy steps out. Electricity crackles around the bolts in his neck.] Frank: [friendly, exceedingly deep voice] Helloo. Albert: [annoyed] Frank, what did I tell you about doors? Frank: [thoughtful] Uhhhhhh... No good to eat? Albert: Yes, and? Frank: Ummm... Not a kitty? Albert: AND? Frank: [scratches forehead] Oh! Turn knob first, NOT smash! Albert: At least you remembered. Frank: Me sorry. [he looks out at the assembled crowd] New peoples?! [His eyes rest on Jeff-chan; she's surrounded by hearts and bubbles] Pretty... Jeff-chan: Um, grampa? Frank: [blushing like crazy] Frank likes! Heeheeheeeeee! [runs out of the room, crashing through a wall.] Diane: ...Albert...? What was that? Albert: Er... An experiment. Anne: You actually made a Frankenstein monster? As though this family weren't strange enough, my grandfather's a mad scientist? Albert: Please! We prefer the term, "Eccentric Researcher." Ada: I'm not sure I understand all this... Albert: It's simple in theory, but in practice it requires an incredible intellect, and-- Pearl: Please do get on with it. Albert: Ahem. Yes. Well, Frank is an amalgamation of dead body parts, reanimated by a complex process involving electricity. Anne: And what sort of brain did you use for that thing? Albert: [sigh] A P.E. teacher from New Jersey. What was I thinking? Mittens: What _were_ you thinking? Albert: Well, I figured his intellect couldn't be degraded any further. How wrong I was. Jeff-chan: More to the point, should I be worried about how he was looking at me just now? Albert: Whatever do you mean? Anne: Let me put it like this; ... Yes. [Frank bursts in again, expanding the hole he made in exiting. He walks up to Jeff-chan, still blushing profusely, and proffers some flowers.] Amy: How sweet! Jeff-chan: [looks at the flowers and then Frank worriedly] W-what should I do? Albert: Well, he does have the physical strength of a Mack truck... Jeff-chan: [sweat drop; tentatively takes the flowers] Ehehhe... Th-thank you. Frank: [turning around, he hops up and down, shaking the entire house] She likes me! Heeeeee! What I do?! Me know! [he turns around to face Jeff-chan again, grinning] Hiiieeee! Jeff-chan: Uh... hi there... [Suddenly, Frank picks her up, cradling her in his arms, and skips through the door he originally came out of.] Amy: You know, in different circumstances, I'd be jealous. Anne: Just 'cause you can't get Rick's attention. Amy: And YOU can? Diane: Will Jeff be alright? Albert: Oh, sh-- he'll be just fine! Frank's really just a big softy. Jeff-chan: [heard in the distance] Guys! I could use some help here! [Amy and Anne exchange glances, and stand up, heading down, followed by Mittens. Albert sighs and follows, along with Bob. Cut to the lab in the basement, which looks rather like Dr. Frankenstein's place from the movies, but with a computer stuck in one corner, and a boom box playing Mel Tourme in another. Frank is holding Jeff-chan (now in a pink frilly dress) by the waist.] Frank: Heeeeeeee. Jeff-chan: I don't think this could get any more humiliating. Amy: Oh come on! I think this could be a new look for you. Jeff-chan: Very funny. WILL SOMEONE DO SOMETHING? Albert: Frank, please put the nice girl down. Frank: But, daddy! Albert: Now. Frank: [dissapointed] Aww... [he carefully sets Jeff-chan down.] Albert: Well, perhaps now we can get back to dinner? [The start heading up the stairs. Frank notices Mittens.] Mittens: Um, gramps? Frank: [grins] Kitty! Mittens: Guys?! Frank: Me like kitty! [Cut to the family eating dinner; Jeff-chan's in her usual outfit again. Frank is sitting in a chair nearby, petting Mittens.] Mittens: Come on! This isn't funny! Albert: Relax. He won't hurt you; he likes cats even more than pretty girls. Interesting Times Extra Theater #13: The Coming Storm [Open on a view of the city.] Narrator: A war is about to begin... [Guildenstein stands on top of an office building, and powers up.] Narrator: The winner will take far more than they can possibly know... [He surges forward, and slams his elbow into Dyna-Woman, who whirls around, eyes crackling with electricity. Generic action movie preview music starts up. Dr. F makes a fist and laughs manaically, the Blue Lotus Monks spin around to face the camera, the Celestial Pair transform--] Narrator: It will be the beginning of a new age... [A Nwei warship begins descending to Earth, Jeff and the Inklord fend off the Crimson Ninjas in hand to hand] Narrator: Or the end of history. [Emperor Atak holds up a glass of wine before a massive crowd, and Lord Eclipse descends, batman like, through the windows above.] Eclipse: Now the Age of Chaos begins!!!!!!! [he grabs Ada, and vanishes in a flurry of shadows.] [The music crescendos as Eclipse speaks. Cut to Dyna-Woman in the midst of the flaming wreckage of what had been a cargo bay. She looks down at a barely conscious Dr. F, and reaches down to pull off the mask... The screen goes black, and CG letters slam down from above.] INTERESTING TIMES MOVIE 3 FINAL [These shatter to make way for more.] COMING SOON TO A HOMEPAGE NEAR YOU THIS FANFIC IS NOT YET RATED [Finally, one more phrase.] PREPARE YOURSELF ------------------------------------------------------------------ Interesting Times Episode #26: The Mysterious Immortal and the Little Birds by Ewen "Blackbird" Cluney [Open on Karasuo pacing back and forth on the coffee table. Jeff (back to normal now) comes up behind him.] Jeff: What are you stressing about? Karasuo: My sister is having me watch her eggs this weekend. Jeff: Your sister? Karasuo: Yes, Kiriko. Jeff: Where does she live? Karasuo: Japantown. Jeff: On the other side of town? So, what's the big deal? Karasuo: They're almost due to hatch! Do you have any idea what it'll be like, trying to deal with six baby karasutengu? Jeff: Well, no. I don't. [The doorbell rings. Felna answers it, and looks around, not seeing anyone there.] Kiriko's Voice: Hey! Down here! [Felna looks down to see Kiriko, another Karasutengu, similar to Karasuo, but a little shorter, female, with more dull feathers, and wearing a kimono. On her back is a pack made of wicker.] Felna: Oh! My apologies. Can I help you? Kiriko: Is Karasuo here? [Karasuo lands in front of Kiriko.] Karasuo: Right here, sis. Kiriko: There you are! [she gives Karasuo a hug, which he returns reluctantly] I'm so glad you're here in the States now! I've missed you since we moved out here. Karasuo: [leading her inside] Well, the old man wanted me to watch this guy [motions to Jeff] for some reason. This have sure been more interesting since I got here. Kiriko: [hops up onto the coffee table] Oh really? Karasuo: [follows her] Let's see... There's the Crimson Ninja's who keep attacking us from time to time, [he pauses at the sound of a bad Bruce Lee type ki-ai, followed by "FINAL LUNAR STRIKE!" and a loud thump] there's the pan-dimensional mutant leopards who stopped by for lunch a while back, the incident with the nanites and the alien queen last week... You get the idea. Kiriko: Wow. [she sets down the pack, and opens it up; inside are six eggs; she glances at Jeff] What's so special about you, anyway? Jeff: [shrugs] I wish I knew. Strange stuff just keeps happening around me. Kiriko: Well, I hope nothing interesting is going to happen to my babies. [to Karasuo] Now, you'll need to come up with some kind of nest, and sit on the eggs at least six hours a day, and, as I'm sure you know, it has to be you, since humans, cats, and so on don't have the proper body temperature or astral body. Karasuo: And what if they hatch? Kiriko: They'll need to be fed the usual stuff; I hope you remember how to regurgitate properly. Karasuo: [turning green] Um, yeah. Kiriko: Don't worry about a thing! I'm sure you can handle it, oniisan; I'll be back in a week or so, once we get done with that whole mess with the gnomes. 'Kay? Karasuo: [sighs] Okay. Kirko: I knew I could count on you! [she hugs him again, then starts flying away] Bye-bye! [she disappears out the door.] Jeff: [to Karasuo] That was your sister, huh? Karasuo: Yep. Felna: She seems nice. Are there many karasutengu around? Karasuo: [sighs] Only in Japan. We're pretty scarce anywhere else. [rolls his eyes] I didn't even realize I'd moved so close to her. Now she's probably going to be visiting all the time and asking me all kinds of weird favors. Felna: Is your family very large? Karasuo: [shrugs] I guess. We always have lots of eggs at a time; I have five brothers and sisters, and most of them have at least a few kids... [Amy and Anne stride into the room, a little winded.] Amy: Hey, what's happening? Karasuo: [sighs, sits on the eggs] Not much. Anne: What's this? [leans closer] I didn't think you'd me much of the fatherly type, Karasuo... Karasuo: [frowns] They're my sister's eggs. I'm watching them while she's out of town, I thank you so very much. Amy: How cute! We'll get to see cute lil' baby birds! I bet they'll look just like Karasuo did when he was a baby. Felna: I've always wondered what it would be like to assist in the birthing process... Although my database has only limited information on avians. Karasuo: [scowling] It's pretty simple. You sit on the eggs, the chicks come out when they feel like it, and you feed them up- chucked fish. I *hate* regurgitating! It's so disgusting! My mom made me do it for my younger brothers and sisters all the time! Jeff: Well, you don't have much choice, do you? Karasuo: Shut up. Jeff: No need to be so rude. Karasuo: It's just-- [They're interrupted by a knock at the door. Felna stands up and answers it. A tall, imposing middle-aged Chinese man in Chinese- style robes stands there.] Feng-Xian: I seek the one called Pao-Gui. Felna: Oh! I'll go get him. Please wait one moment. [she hurries off into the house] [Feng-Xian looks around, not sure of what to make of those gathered in the living room.] Karasuo: Yo. Feng-Xian: "Yo"? You would dare speak to me thusly? Karasuo: No need to freak out, Mr. Immortal. Jeff: Immortal? Don't tell me one of those potions actually worked? Feng-Xian: I am over two thousand years old. Anne: Well, you look pretty young for your age, then. A bit anachronistic, but nobody's perfect. Amy: Anachro... whatstic? Anne: Out of date. After all, not many people dress like they're in ancient China these days. Even that 400 year old guy with a sword was more up-to-date! Feng-Xian: Do not incur my wrath. Anne: [rolls her eyes] Or WHAT? Huh? [Feng-Xian makes his hand into a fist, and with the other reaches into his robes, pulling out a ward.] Jeff: Um, Anne? Anne: [sarcastic] OOOoooohhhh! I'm *SO* scared! Like I haven't dealt with mystic little post-its before! Feng-Xian: You are trying my patience, little one. Anne: Oh yeah!? Amy: Um, Anne? Feng-Xian: Yes. Karasuo: Anne? Anne: Give me your best shot! Feng-Xian: AS YOU WISH! [The ward is consumed by flames, and Feng-Xian is enshrouded by an aura of electric sparks. Anne pulls her amulet and transforms. Amy is transformed as well.] P. Sun: Hey! I don't wanna' fight! Feng-Xian: Now, meet your doom! [Pao-Gui walks into the room, followed shortly by Feng-Xian and Felna.] Pao-Gui: Er... Excuse me? Anne: Not now! I'm about to do some ass-kicking! Feng-Xian: HA! I doubt that very much! Felna: Oh dear... Pao-Gui: I suppose I'll just go now... Feng-Xian: [the electric aura fades] Wait a moment... You must be Wang Pao-Gui! Pao-Gui: Um... I suppose... Feng-Xian: Good. I am Feng-Xian. Pao-Gui: Feng-Xian... [double-takes] The immortal created by my great-grandfather?! Feng-Xian: The same. I am in need of your help. P. Sun: Hah! Like he would ever--! Feng-Xian: SILENCE, WHELP! P. Sun: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?! Pao-Gui: [placing himself between P. Sun and F-X] So! What exactly is it that you need? Feng-Xian: I am in need of another potion to sustain my immortality. Jeff: Oh great. And you came to Pao-Gui of all people. Feng-Xian: And what is that supposed to mean!? Pao-Gui: [scratches back of head] Well... Karasuo: It's not like one of his immortality potions has ever _worked_! Feng-Xian: [glaring at Pao-Gui] Indeed. Then perhaps... [his hand darts down and snatches the wicker basket with the tengu eggs inside] THIS will encourage you to do better! Pao-Gui: What?! Karasuo: [trembling with rage] PUT. THOSE. EGGS. DOWN. NOW. Feng-Xian: Or what? Karasuo: [dramatically draws his katana] I WILL DESTROY YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! Feng-Xian: I doubt that very much. [Feng-Xian produces another ward, and it is consumed with flames. Karasuo's sword shatters, and he looks on in utter disbelief.] Feng-Xian: [to Pao-Gui] You have one day. [he produces yet another ward, eats it, and vanishes in a cloud of smoke.] Pao-Gui: Now what are we supposed to do? [Felna barely manages to intercept Karasuo, whose beak was aimed straight at Pao-Gui's eye.] Felna: [holding Karasuo, who is trembling with rage] Please calm down. You are not being very constructive. P. Sun: We'll wait 'till he comes back and KICK his sorry little immortal ass! Jeff: [to Pao-Gui] Maybe you could actually try to give him what he wants. Pao-Gui: That would be difficult... The formula to sustain immortality is very different from the one that makes you immortal in the first place. Jeff: Could you poison him? Pao-Gui: Alchemical immortals can't be poisoned. They usually have to eat lead and drink arsenic just to stay immortal. Karasuo: [wriggling free of Felna's grasp, he lands on the coffee table] Try to come up with something. [he picks up the hilt of his broken sword] I'll be back. [with that, he flies out the window] Pao-Gui: Just what I need. Amy: [glaring at Anne] And of course, SOMEONE had to get him all pissed off! Felna: Please, let's not argue. The important thing is the safety of the babies. Pao-Gui: Right. I'd better get to work. [Cut to Karasuo sitting before a small forge in the hills, trying to forge a new sword and not having much luck. He casts aside the poorly formed metal in disgust.] Karasuo: WHAT am I _missing_?! [Out of nowhere a rectangular piece of metal strikes Karasuo in the head. It lands next to him; we can see that it is black with the image of a torii emblazoned on it. Mr. Chen strides up the side of the hill.] Mr. Chen: What did you think, stupid bird?! Karasuo: Who the hell are you?! Mr. Chen: I am CHEN! TEACHER OF ANCIENT HISTORY AND MASTER OF KUNG FU! YOU WILL SHOW ME PROPER RESPECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Karasuo: um... yes sir. Mr. Chen: You have forgotten the secret to creating sword! YOU MUST FOLD IT MANY MANY TIMES TO MAKE IT STRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN HIGHLANDER 3?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Karasuo: [looks at the block determinedly, and grabs a new piece of metal] Right! I'll show him the true way of honor! [Cut to Jeff and Ada watching TV. There is an explosion in the background.] Ada: Do you think we should check on Pao-Gui? Jeff: [shrugs] Probably no need. That would be the fourth time today. Ada: [leaning her head against his shoulder] I hope everything's okay... [Pao-Gui, charred walks up from the basement and sits down stiffly in a chair.] Jeff: How's the project going? [Pao-Gui coughs and a puff of smoke comes out.] Jeff: That good, huh? Pao-Gui: I think I've made some progress. The magnitude of the explosion is going down. [stands up] Well, back to work. [he staggers downstairs] [After the commercial break, the front door swings open dramatically, with no one behind it. Pan down to show Karasuo posing dramatically.] Karasuo: I am ready. [There is a long pause as a poetic wind blows past him. It dies down, and he waits for a while longer.] Karasuo: Hello? [Felna strides up to him.] Felna: Oh, hello! Everyone was downstairs; it seems Pao-Gui was knocked unconscious after the twelfth explosion. [Cut to Karasuo, Felna, Jeff, and Ada standing over Pao-Gui's unconscious form. Pao-Gui blinks.] Pao-Gui: [muttering] Yes mom, I did my homework... [he stirs some more] I always do my homework... [he stirs more still, then opens his eyes.] Are we there yet? Jeff: I sure hope so. Karasuo: [landing on Pao-Gui's chest] Do you have it? Pao-Gui: ...maybe. Karasuo: Maybe?! Pao-Gui: It's complicated, but it might not work. But it's in this test tube. [he proffers a test tube with something vile-looking inside] Karasuo: [taking the tube] Thank you. I have to go. Felna: Where are you going? Wasn't Mr. Xian supposed to come here? Karasuo: Oh, yeah. [Cut to Karasuo pacing dramatically back and forth across the coffee table. Suddenly, the doorbell rings. Karasuo halts, getting into an iaijutsu stance, hand on the hilt of his sword. Felna walks over and answers the door, to reveal... Bob. Bob steps inside and puts his coat and suitcase down.] Bob: Howdy! Felna: [smiles] Hello, Mr. Foster. It is good to see you. [she closes the door behind him] Bob: [flopping into his lay-z-boy] What a day. Karasuo: You have no idea. [There is a knock at the door. Karasuo gets ready again. Felna opens the door to reveal... Amy and Anne.] Amy: Oh come on! I think he's cute! Anne: You're kidding, right? [Karasuo face-faults. Felna is about to close the door when a hand stops her. Feng-Xian steps into the room. Karasuo picks himself up and steadies himself.] Feng-Xian: Are you ready? Karasuo: I am. I challenge you to a duel. Feng-Xian: [he is momentarily dumbfounded] ...Are you serious? Karasuo: [close up of him pushing the sword a fraction of an inch out of the scabbard] Dead serious. Feng-Xian: Very well. [he reaches into his robes and draws out a nine-dragon trident] [Briefly show a Street Fighter style screen saying "Karasuo Vs. Feng-Xian". After the commercial break, show them facing off in the back yard, with everyone else watching anxiously. Karasuo pushes his sword just a tiny bit out of the scabbard, then charges dramatically. Feng-Xian dashes forwards as well. At the last second possible, Karasuo draws his katana and swings it in a wide arc, leaving a mark on his opponent's cheek. Unfortunately, he is immediately bludgeoned by the trident and sent flying.] Amy: Get up and fight! You can do it! Mittens: Go for it bird man! Feng-Xian: Give up before you are destroyed. [he pulls out a ward and waits] Karasuo: [jumps to his feet] I'll never give up! NEVER! Feng-Xian: Then you die. [The ward is consumed in flames, and a massive electric arc leaps forth and strikes Karasuo. Karasuo is dazed, but gets up again.] Karasuo: Hah! Feng-Xian: How is this possible!? Karasuo: You think I haven't been hit by lightning before?! Anne: He hits himself every time he tries the spell. He's a lightning rod with feathers. Karasuo: SHUT UP! [readies his sword] Now, sorcerer, we will continue! BLACK WINGED ENCIRCLEMENT! [he flies forward, swarming around Feng-Xian (no mean feat when there's just one of you), striking over and over before jumping back to a safe distance.] Feng-Xian: Impressive. But now it is my turn. [he lowers the trident, and makes a series of intricate hand signs with the other hand. A dragon-shaped energy formation flies forward towards Karasuo. There is a massive explosion, leaving a great cloud of dust.] Thus it ends. [to Pao-Gui] I will have the potion now, alche-- Karasuo: [heard from within the dust cloud] This ISN'T over!!!!! Feng-Xian: WHAT?! Jeff: You don't watch much anime, do you? [Karasuo emerges from the cloud (which is starting to fade) a little singed, but otherwise intact.] Feng-Xian: How is it possible?! Karasuo: It's simple really. [the view follows his narration] That attack was obviously chi based -- and as it happens, there's four Dragon Lines that pass through this house. An instant before your attack hit, I cast a lightning bolt spell, knowing that it would hit me -- *creating* a channel between myself and the Dragon Nest beneath our feet, which absorbed all of the energy of your attack. Mittens: And if you understood all that, you get a cookie. Feng-Xian: You are clever, but I WILL have that potion. Karasuo: [readies his sword, with absolute determination] Never. [A poetic wind blows across the landscape, which increases slightly in intensity.] Feng-Xian: I see. This can only be settled in battle. [The wind increases further. Dry leaves in the air begin to snap in half. There is a long pause. At the same instant, both combatants surge forward. Their weapons meet with incredible force, and deadlock, trembling with the force exerted on each. It continues for several seconds, and their feet sink into the ground from the force of it.] Feng-Xian: This is a world of the survival of the fittest, and you are unfit! Karasuo: I'm fighting for my friends, for my family, and for the unborn children! I WILL NOT LOSE! [Karasuo pushes forward, sending Feng-Xian stumbling back, and swings his sword, being struck by lightning at the instant it strikes. Feng-Xian drops limply to the ground, and Karasuo sheathes his sword.] Jeff: Karasuo, have I ever told you that you're 'da bomb? [Cut to everyone sitting around the kitchen table (including a bandaged Feng-Xian, who is drinking green tea), watching the Karasutengu chicks tweeting away.] Amy: Aren't they just the cutest things? Felna: Yes. Mittens: They look tasty. Karasuo: [annoyed] I'll slit your throat *so* fast... Mittens: Just kidding. [One of the chicks stands up, and takes a few tentative steps, then falls over. It then gets up again, and walks over to Jeff.] Jeff: [smiles] Hi there, little fella'. [The chick looks up at him with big, watery eyes.] Chick: Ma...ma? Jeff: Did he say what I thought he said? Karasuo: I hope not. They imprint way too easily... [Kiriko flies in through the window, and lands on the table.] Kirko: Well, it looks like I've arrived just in time, big brother! Nothing happened, I hope? Feng-Xian: [bitterly] Nothing. Kirkio: Well, that's good to hear. [to the chicks] Come to mama! [Five of the chicks rush up to Kiriko, while the sixth walks closer to Jeff and starts rubbing its head against him, and smiling.] Kiriko: Oh dear. [Iris out on the little tengu chick, who winks.] {Author's Note: Well, we're moving right along towards the conclusion. Up next is Forgotten, a more serious two-parter that leads into the movie, so stay tuned!} ------------------------------------------------------------------ Episode #27: Forgotten, Part 1 [Open on Ada in full power armor leading a squad of Nwei troops along the surface of an enemy spaceship. They fly along, dodging fire from the ship's turrets, and stop by a particular hatch.] Ada: Blow it. [One of the troopers steps forward and places a bomb on the hatch. They move back, and it explodes. The seven of them dive into the resulting hole, into the very bowels of the ship. Soaring along strangely beautiful corridors, they engage strange insectoid creatures in combat, tearing through them easily.] Trooper #1: This is too easy! Ada: Don't get cocky yet. They have elite troops too. [They dive downwards, and find themselves in a small chamber, where more of the creatures (these ones colored jet-black) wait, weapons in hand. Ada fires off a volley of missiles, taking out one of the creatures. Another one grabs one of her teammates, and crushes him in its maw.] Ada: Oh no! [Ada raises her autocannon and fires, and her squad joins in, making short work of the remaining creatures. The demolitions guy plants another explosive, and the hole opens up onto a massive chamber, swarming with more of the creatures. At the heart of it is a massive sphere of green energy, surrounded by intricate machinery.] Trooper #2: This is it! Ada: You know what to do. Be careful -- in, out, boom -- that's all there is to it. [The six of them fly into the chamber, and are immediately fired upon. Taking up a careful formation, they continue on their way, shooting everything they have. One by one, they are picked off, until only Ada remains. She fires her afterburners, and plunges into the energy sphere, which turns red. Show Ada, in her armor, amidst a sea of red.] Ada: It's time to end this. Voice: YOU CANNOT. I AM ETERNAL. Ada: [draws a device with a black gem in it] Think again. [She activates the device; cut to an external shot; the red sphere turns black and dissipates.] Voice: I SHALL RETurn....... [The creatures around her fall limp. Ada fires her boosters as machinery begins to explode. Cut to Ada waking up in Jeff's bedroom. She opens her eyes, blinks, and sits up.] Ada: What a dream... [She stands up and stretches, then walks out into the kitchen; Diane is there, making breakfast.] Diane: Oh, good morning, Ada. Ada: Morning. Diane: You seem more quiet than usual... Ada: I... just had a bad dream. That's all. Diane: Well, everyone has those now and then. It's just your imagination running away with you. Ada: I hope so. [Show a view of Earth's orbit. A mote of angry red energy flies downwards towards Earth. Cut to Ada, sitting at the table, looking outside. A speck of red lands on the gem in her forehead and then goes inside. Her eyes glow red for a moment, but she seems unaffected.] Diane: So, how do you like school so far? Ada: It's a lot of fun. It reminds me a lot of school back on Nwei Prime sometimes. Mr. Chen reminds me a lot of my first hand to hand combat teacher. Diane: Well, he does teach kung fu on the weekends. [Jeff walks into the room, and sits down across from Ada.] Jeff: Morning. [Ada flinches, and rubs her temples.] Jeff: [concerned] A-are you alright? Ada: My... my head hurts a little is all... Jeff: Do you want some aspri-- oh, that's right. Asprin doesn't work on Nwei... Um... [She rubs her head harder; the gem in her forehead slowly fades to red.] Ada: No... stop it! It hurts!!! [Jeff stands up, knocking his chair backwards, and rushes over to Ada, only to recieve a vicious punch to the face when he arrives.] Ada: NO! Leave him alone! I-- [Suddenly, she stands up straight, and a corona of crimson energy flares around her, then fades, though when it does, her eyes are now red-on-red.] Jeff: Ada! What's... Diane: Oh my god. [she runs for it] B. Ada: [dark voice] It is time for vengeance. I told you I would return. Ada: [pleading] No! Not him! Please! Take me if you have to, but don't hurt him! Jeff: [picking himself up and backing away] What is going on?! B. Ada: Once I have asserted control, mortal, the hunt will begin! Ada: [voice fading away] NOOOOoooooo..... [Jeff runs down the hall, and opens the door to Amy and Anne's room; the twins are asleep.] Jeff: HEY! WE HAVE A PROBLEM! [Both of them stir a little.] Amy: [muttering] I'll save the world later. Lemme get just a few minutes more sleep. Jeff: Come on! This is *serious*! [Anne sits up, rubbing her eyes.] Anne: Whaaaat? Jeff: Something's wrong with Ada she-- Anne: Behind you? [Jeff spins around to see the possessed Ada standing before him. She grins, and grabs him in a choke hold.] B. Ada: I shall enjoy this. Anne: [stands up in her pajamas] Amy! Get up! [pulls out her amulet] Amy: [getting up with her amulet] It's way to early for this! Can't these bad guys have the decency to attack after breakfast? Amy & Anne: GREAT CELESTIAL TRANSFORMATION BEGIN! [The Celestial Pair confront the changed Ada.] P. Moon: Put him down now! B. Ada: Force me to. I care nothing for this body, save for the vengeance it shall allow me to wreak. Jeff: [choking] Don't... hurt her... [B. Ada laughs. P. Moon grabs the arm that holds Jeff and twists it around into an armlock.] P. Moon: I think that can be arranged. [B. Ada grins and tries to get out of the armlock. At the last possible moment, P. Moon lets go.] P. Moon: That would've broken your arm! B. Ada: Not _my_ arm. *I* am not limited to your feeble corporeal forms. [she delivers a vicious kick to Pretty Moon, who staggers back, and then leg sweeps Pretty Sun.] You are fools to oppose me, but it will only make my vengeance that much more sweet. [she grabs Jeff by the collar and slams him against a wall.] Prepare to die. [Cut to a random street corner downtown. Two kids, both around twelve years old stand around, looking rather confused. One (Ace) is a girl with short black hair, dressed in a khaki jumpsuit with lots of pockets. The other (Dan) is a boy with brown hair and a violet-colored gem in his forehead. He wears a simpler blue jumpsuit, with a green jacket over it.] Dan: So, where are we? Ace: Well, based on the navigational data available... Dan: By that you mean the street signs? Ace: Yes. From those, I'd say we're about five miles from our intended destination. Dan: Great. You know, it might be starting already! Ace: [looks at a clock on a nearby bank, and becomes concerned] It _has_. We've got to hurry before it's too late. Dan: Why couldn't you land us in the right place anyway? Ace: Well sor-RY! Maybe you'd like to try to come up with a better synchronic projector? Dan: [rolls eyes] Never mind. Let's get going. Ace: [looking around] Hmm... [she pauses, and spots a parked Hum-Vee.] Dan -- can you do me a favor and open that up? Dan: Um... I guess. [he sighs, and pulls out an energy blade, activating it] [Cut back to the house. B. Ada holds Jeff up to the wall, and leans close to him.] B. Ada: You have known many kinds of fear, but this is new to you. Your emotions are on fire, and they are your greatest strength and your greatest weakness. I have no such weakness. Jeff: What are you? [Suddenly, a blast of electricity blows open the window, and Dyna- Woman flies into the room.] Dyna-Woman: Unhand him! P. Sun: Dyna-Woman! B. Ada: [grins] Make me. [Dyna-Woman hesitates.] B. Ada: That's right. You couldn't possible strike your precious Ada. But what if doing otherwise will cost you your Jeff? Dyna-Woman: I don't know what you are, but we _will_ defeat you. B. Ada: [pulling out a knife] I'm waiting. [Dyna-Woman floats into the room, letting her toes just brush against the floor. A moment later, she flies forward, and throws a punch at Ada, who, in one motion, ducks under it and throws Jeff to the ground before coming up, doing a backflip over Dyna-Woman, and delivering a vicious kick to her back.] B. Ada: You're holding back. You will lose. [Suddenly, a naginata slices through Ada's shoulder. Blood begins to stain her clothes.] P. Moon: Forgive me, Ada. [P. Moon swings again, this time trying to hit with the blunt end. Ada intercepts the naginata and twists it out of her grasp, and thrusts it at P. Moon.] P. Moon: Magical Recall! [the naginata vanishes and reappears in her hands; she smiles] NO ONE messes with my polearm. [Ada kicks her in the stomach, throwing her to the ground.] B. Ada: You'll have to do better than that. [Cut to Ace and Dan riding along in the Hum-Vee; Ace is driving.] Ace: What does my spectrometer say? Dan: [looking at an ultra-tech instrument of some kind] There's a big red dot that's flashing. Ace: Damn! What's the number next to it say? Dan: Ummm... five thousand twenty four? ... no, forty six... fifty seven... Ace: We have a problem. [she puts the pedal to the metal] Dan: What's that? Ace: It's growing stronger. [The car phone rings. Dan picks it up.] Dan: Hello? ... Oh, sorry. We didn't have time to ask you -- we're busy saving the world right now. ... No really! Look, we'll get it back to you once we clean up this mess. My aunt will even fix the door for you. Hm? Oh, sure? [to Ace] He wants to talk to you. Ace: Not now! Have you ever tried to drive at 110 through city streets? Dan: [to phone] Look, I'm going to have to call you back, sir. [hangs up] Twonk. [Cut back to the house. Ada pushes past them and jumps out the window, landing lightly on her feet.] P. Moon: [enraged] What the HELL is going on?! Jeff: I think Ada's possessed or something. We have to do something. Dyna-Woman: Yes, but what can we do? P. Sun: We need to find someone who can do something about this before she-- [There is a massive explosion.] Jeff: Before she reaches the heavy artillery? P. Moon: We could be in trouble. B. Ada: [heard from outside] Do you dare face me?! [There is a sound of screeching brakes. Everyone rushes to what's left of the window to look outside; they see the Hum-Vee, with Ace and Dan hopping out.] B. Ada: And who might you be? ... This is not your era. Ace: You got that right. For a Miktlani Mind Shard, you seem to be pretty smart. Dan: A what? Ace: [annoyed] I explained this to you already. The red thing, remember? Dan: Oh, yeah. [he effortlessly ducks as a particle beam blast sails over his head.] Hey! Watch the hair! B. Ada: ... I see. I see it now. I am honored that my appearance warranted such effort on your part, even if it will be in vain. [The Celestial Pair plus Dyna-Woman (who is carrying Jeff) come up behind. Dyna-Woman carefully sets Jeff down.] Ace: Funny thing about time travel. We've already defeated you for the last time. B. Ada: Not possi-- Jeff: What's going on? B. Ada: I see. Ace: [to the others] We need to incapacitate her. Then the entity can be extracted. Celestial Pair: Right! [Jeff pauses and looks at Dan for a long moment. Dan notices, smiles, and gives him a thumbs up.] B. Ada: This time, however, will cost you dearly, one way or another. [she draws and activates an energy sword, holding it in front of her.] Ace: [hurriedly pulling equipment out of her backpack] You wouldn't dare! Do you have any idea what a paradox of that magnitude would do?! B. Ada: [pauses, and turns to Dan] So, little one, are you afraid to die? Dan: [worried] Well... Jeff: [steps forward, facing B. Ada] Fight me. I seem to be the one you want. B. Ada: Very well. Jeff: No weapons. B. Ada: [nods, dropping her gear] No weapons. Dan: D-- Are you sure you want to do this? Jeff: I have to. Ace: [looking at her instruments] Everything should be fine. If he can win. But he can't hold back at all, even if... You know. [Jeff and B. Ada stand apart, tensed and ready. A poetic wind blows across the landscape.] Jeff: [quietly] I can't hold back. [Jeff launches himself forward at B. Ada. They enter into a furious exchange of hand to hand blows. Jeff is obviously straining himself, while B. Ada isn't even breaking a sweat.] B. Ada: At last, someone who is willing to give their all! Jeff: Whatever it takes. B. Ada: And can you even admit to yourself why it is you fight so? Jeff: [stops short] What the hell do you know? B. Ada: I know everything that your precious Ada knows. Human and Nwei are not all that different. Jeff: Then... Then you know why. [Slowly at first, the combat begins again.] Jeff: I can't give up on her. No matter what. Not after all we've been through together. Ada: Jeff... [Jeff receives a vicious kick, and then a flurry of punches, and staggers back, then falls down.] Dyna-Woman: Jeff! Jeff: Ada. Forgive me. [B. Ada stands over Jeff, and waits. Jeff suddenly rolls back, comes to his feet, and launches forward, his attacks even more powerful than before.] B. Ada: How is this possible?! Where does your strength come from? [Bit by bit, Jeff begins to turn the tide. B. Ada is being worn down, and he finally strikes with one finger at her heart. Red light flares out from Ada in all directions, blocking out everything else.] ------------------------------------------------------------------ Episode #28: Forgotten, Part 2 Announcer: Last time on Interesting Times... [Ada grasps her head in pain.] Ada: No... stop it! It hurts!!! [Jeff stands halfway into Amy and Anne's room.] Jeff: Something's wrong with Ada she-- [Everyone stands outside, warily watching B. Ada.] Ace: [to the others] We need to incapacitate her. Then the entity can be extracted. Celestial Pair: Right! [Jeff engages B. Ada in hand to hand.] Jeff: Ada. Forgive me. [He does a pressure point attack, and the world is enveloped in crimson.] Announcer: And now the conclusion. [Show Jeff in his bed. He opens his eyes and blinks. Zoom out to show Ada lying next to him. He has his arm around her shoulder, and she is quietly asleep, smiling. He pauses to think, and then tries to extract his arm. He almost has it out, when Ada, still asleep, grabs it with both her arms. Jeff looks worried, and tries to dislodge it without waking her, but cannot; her grip is a bit too strong.] Jeff Voice Over: Guess I'm stuck. Althought I wonder why Ada was in my bed? [blushes] She's never done that before. [he sighs and lies down again. A moment later, Amy and Anne open the door and poke their heads in.] Anne: [frowns] Look at them. Amy: [smiles] I think it's kinda' cute. Anne: I think it's really annoying. Amy: [frowns] You say that about every boyfriend I ever have, even though you were twice as annoying when you were dating Rick. Anne: Anyway. It's wierd to think that with the luck that Jeff had been having he'd get around to *that* with his first real girlfriend. Amy: What do you mean by "that"? Anne: Are you _really_ that naive? [Ada begins to stir; Amy and Anne disappear in a hurry.] Jeff: [confused] What the hell was that? [Ada stirs a bit more, and then opens her eyes and smiles at Jeff.] Ada: Morning. Jeff: Er... good morning. Ada: What's wrong? Jeff: Not that I mind or anything, but why are you here in my bed? Ada: [pauses and thinks. She lets go of Jeff's arm, and sits up] You know, I can't remember. I wonder why that is... Jeff: [looks at his watch, then double-takes] Wait a minute. Do you remember what the date is? Ada: Um... Sorry, I still haven't gotten the hang of your planet's calendar. Jeff: Well, I thought it was the fourth, but it looks like it's the eighteenth. If my watch is right, we missed two weeks! Ada: I wonder how that happened? ... But then, we must've forgotten that too. Jeff: [hops down from the bed] Let's go see. [Ada shrugs and follows. In the living room, Amy and Anne are sitting side by side, trying to look innocuous, on the couch. Mittens (cat form) is pawing at an annoyed Karasuo. Bob is in his easy chair, watching TV. Ada puts her arm around Jeff's shoulders as he looks at the calendar. Amy snickers.] Jeff: Two weeks. What on earth happened? Karasuo: [evades Mittens' grasp, and lands on the kitchen table] What's up? [Ada lets go and heads for the refrigerator.] Jeff: I don't know how, but both of us can't remember the past two weeks at all. Either that or someone's playing a really bad practical joke with all the calendars. Karasuo: [stops short, and smirks] You mean you don't remember anything about...? Oh my. Jeff: About what? Karasuo: [sarcastic] Oh, _nothing_. Jeff: [grabs Karasuo with both hands] What are you implying?! Karasuo: [gags a bit] Let's just say you and Ada have been getting a bit closer lately. Anne: That's putting it mildly. [Jeff drops Karasuo, and glances back at Ada, who has just set down a plate of barbeque pork chow mein, topped with chunks of watermelon and whipped cream. Ace and Dan walk in at that point.] Ace: [to Jeff] So, how are you doing? Mittens: He says they can't remember anything from the past two weeks. Anne: Only Jeff would come over with amnesia after something like that. Ace: [rolls her eyes] It looks like you're having some memory lapses still. That psychic shockwave was bound to have some aftereffects. Although I have to admit, it's really bad timing for amnesia. Jeff: Will someone please tell me what happened?! Ace: Look, around five years ago Ada was involved in a conflict with the Miklani, a race of predatory insectoids, distant relatives to the "bugs." She was part of an elite unit that was sent to destroy the hive mind of the enemy fleet, a powerful psi-energy form. Ada: [sticking a fork into her "food"] I remember that now. We lost a lot of good soldiers. Ace: Unfortunately, a fragment of that entity survived, and possessed Ada, and made her attack everything in sight. It was pretty brave of you to fight to save her, but when you won, the fragment used a self- defense mechanism which unleashed a powerful shockwave of psychic energy. I was able to extract the entity from Ada, but it managed to escape. Jeff: Great. Just one question. Who the hell are you two? Ace: Ah. Well. Er... How can I put this? Dan: Why can't we just tell him? Isn't he *supposed* to find out today anyhow? Jeff: Find out what? [to Ada] And what the heck are you _eating_? Anne: Don't you know what causes women to have odd cravings? [Jeff's eyes go wide.] Ada: Wh- what is it? Ace: [sigh] Jeff, meet Dan. Your son from the future. [Dan grins nervously. Jeff faints, and the fork slips out of Ada's hand and clatters to the floor.] Karasuo: Wow. He took that better than I thought he would. [to Ace] But if he's Jeff and Ada's son, who are you? Ace: [sweat drop] Um... well... [Diane walks into the room, and sees Ada's plate.] Diane: Hey... Chow mein, watermelon, and whipped cream? ... I could just go for that now. [Bob's eyes go wide, and he has visions of money vanishing from his wallet.] Ace: You got it. [to Diane] Hi there. I'm Ace, your daughter from the future. Diane: Um, hello. [glancing at Bob] I think we're going to have to get his tubes tied after this. [to Ace] So... Um... How old are you? Ace: Twelve. Well, about minus eight months one week in this era. Diane: [a little sarcastic] Ah, the joys of pregancy. [pats Ada on the shoulder] Dan: Well, Nwei medical technology makes it a bit easier. Karasuo: [to Dan] Of course, than means you're her nephew, doesn't it? Dan: [shrugs] She's more like a friend. Mittens: [sitting on Jeff's chest] Hey, shouldn't we check on this guy? Ace: [pulls out a high-tech sensor doohickey] He's fine. Just fainted is all. Ada: I... I hope he's ready to be a father... Dan: Well, I think I turned out alright. [There is a knock at the door; Felna walks in from the kitchen and opens it.] Felna: Hello? [A small probe type thing hovers there, then glides over to Ada. Jeff rubs his head and starts to get up.] Anne: What is it? Ace: A Class IV drone. Ada: It's from my shuttle; there must be an urgent message. [to Probe] Activate. [A large holomonitor forms in front of the probe, showing Emperor Atak, Empress Defestra, and Ame.] Ada: Um, hi there everyone! Ame: You lucky girl! Ada: Wh-what do you mean? Atak: Well, you should know why we're calling. Amongst other things, the monitor implant we gave you alerts us in the event of a pregnancy. [Jeff and Ada blush in unison.] Ame: So... how did your Earth man "perform"? Ada: I... don't remember... Ame: Twonk! If they're _that_ good, I'm gonna' have to get me my own earthling one of these days! Defestra: [to Ame] Well, the planet's part of the Nwei Empire now, so... Atak: Of course, this means you'll have to be married as soon as possible, and in the proper imperal fashion. Jeff & Ada: WHAT?! Diane: I'm so proud! Atak: [chuckles] Don't worry about a thing. We'll deal with all the arrangements. [Bob heaves a sigh of relief.] Defestra: You know, we're going to hold in on the flagship! It's going to be so exciting! It reminds me of when the Mr. Emperor and I were married! [Jeff faints again.] Ame: Is... is he alright? Ace: Yup. Nothing to worry about. Defestra: Of course, we want everyone to come, so please invite all of your friends and family and political leaders! Atak: Um, yes. We've already contacted the news media on your world. Just be ready. It'll take us about a week to reach Earth from our present location. Karasuo: Wow! What else could happen? Mittens: [to the camera] I guess we'll have to wait and see! Stay tuned! Interesting Times Extra Theater FINAL: The Time Has Arrived [Open on Emperor Atak raising a glass of wine before a massive crowd, which includes nearly every cast member, as well as several legions of Nwei troops, news reporters, and so forth.] Narrator: It was to be the dawn of a new era. Atak: Today, the blood of our worlds becomes one! Today, Jeff Foster of Earth, and Ada Gin of the Newi, marry! [The assembled crowd applauds.] Narrator: But there was one who would dare to shatter the dream. [Generic Action Movie Preview Music (G.A.M.P.M.?) starts up abruptly, as Lord Eclipse descends Batman-like, through the windows in the celing.] Eclipse: Behold! Now the Age of Chaos begins!!!!!! [he grabs Ada, and vanishes in a flurry of shadows] [The music momentarily fades. Jeff clenches his hand into a fist, filled with rage and pain.] Jeff: I'll find her. I'll save her, no matter what. [The music starts up again with a vengeance. A small ship performs incredible astrobatics to avoid enemy attacks. The Celestial Pair face off with the Crimson Ninjas. Dyna-Woman flies towards a dazed Guildenstein.] Narrator: But is he ready... [A view from behind of Ame at the bridge of a ship, with Jeff, Amy, and Anne there as well, as the ship takes a nasty hit. Close up of Ame's face.] Ame: [shock/horror] Gods... Narrator: ...for the greatest evil ever known? [A sphere of darkness, the size of a planet, is before them. The ship dives into a maelstrom of black spheres firing energy bursts, then darts along the surface of the great sphere, avoiding cannons that emerge from it as though alive, and dives into a corridor of strangely beautiful blue swirling light. The music fades. Ame, badly injured, looks at Jeff, who stands over her, panicked.] Ame: Listen. You can save her. You have to. She can't die without knowing... [her eyes drift shut] [Cut to Jeff gripping his energy sword, standing before a man, about his age, with zebra-striped hair, pale, non-reflective gray eyes, a half-black, half-white trench coat, and gray slacks and tunic. He has eight gray tentacles growing from his back, which slowly writhe, and he is gripping a white sword of pure energy.] Villion: I am not merely your foe. I *AM* the darkness! [Cut in the final few bars of "The God That Failed", by Metallica (Metallica, Track 10). Jeff flies forward in an overhead swing.] BROKEN IS THE PROMISE. [Villion leaps up, thrusting with his sword.] BETRAYAL. [Villion's sword goes clean through Jeff's chest. Jeff falls to the ground.] BETRAYAL. [Villion stands over Jeff and laughs, letting his power sword fade. Once the last notes of the song have faded, show Villion standing over Ada with an auto-pistol in hand. The screen goes black.] Villion: Now, the circle comes to an end. [Close up of the gun. He pulls the trigger. Fade to black once more. CG letters slam down.] INTERESTING TIMES MOVIE 3 FINAL [These shatter to make way for more.] COMING SOON [Finally, one more phrase.] PREPARE YOURSELF {Side Note: I know what you're saying. "OH MY GOD YOU KILLED ADA! YOU BASTARD!" Or somesuch. I'm not about to kill off my favorite characters, leastways in a comedy series. Probably. Oh hell. Just read the damn thing already. Suffice it to say the ending will be a surprise.] ------------------------------------------------------------------ Ewen "Blackbird" Cluney blackbird@blackbird.nu Blackbird's Domain http://www.blackbird.nu/ The Official Thrash Home Page http://thrash.blackbird.nu/ Knight Kevlar of the Immortal Frog Silver Knight of Mihoshi "Be nice to me; I might just develop psychokinetic powers and destroy Tokyo!" ------------------------------------------------------------------