Interesting Times Part 3 by Ewen "Blackbird" Cluney Episode #15: Vegas Vacation Madness! [Quick note: Throughout the rest of the series, Men In Black will occasionally be seen in the background. Unless noted otherwise they won't actually do anything, but I just thought you should know...] [We open on Jeff, sitting with a job application. Bob walks up behind him, smiling and smoking his pipe.] Bob: So, son! Applying to Circuit Land, I see! Jeff: [nods] Yeah. Bob: Well, just keep in mind, the family trip to Las Vegas is on Thursday. Jeff: [looks up at him] *Thursday*!? As in the day after tomorrow? Bob: Yep. I thought you knew? Jeff: [shakes his head] No... I wish someone would tell me these things. Mittens: [hops up onto the table] Read the calendar! I have to stay here, you know. It took half an hour to get Felna to have a preference, and she finally decided to stay here, so at least I don't have to be taken care of by that witch next door. Jeff: Mrs. Morris? Mitten: Evil incarnate! [hisses] Ada: [stepping into the room] Morning, Jeff! [glomps him] What you doing? Jeff: Job application. Ada: [looking at the form] Why do you want to work this summer? I thought it was a vacation? Jeff: [sighs] I told you, I need the money for Comic ConFusion in August. Besides, I'll only be working part time. Ada: We really need to spend more time together! I think I'll have to start going to school with you... Bob: Well, Ada, you need to be ready for our trip on Thursday. Better to start packing now to avoid having to do it the night before. Ada: Well, I only have, what, nine outfits in all, including my pajamas... Amy & Anne: [poking their heads through the doorway] Well, we'll just have to-- [they look at each other] Stop it! I--! Never mind! Anne: We'll get your wardrobe up to speed for going to Vegas. Amy: You'll need some t-shirts and shorts-- Anne: --and dresses, and, of course, swimsuits... [Jeff blushes.] Ada: Do I really need all that? Amy & Anne: Of course! Ada: I still don't understand Earth clothes... Amy: Don't worry! We'll teach you everything you need to know. [Later on; Amy, Anne, and Ada walk into the mall.] Amy: Well, here we are! Anne: But where to start? [They scan the stores nearby in thought.] Ada: With the basics? Anne: Sounds good. Let's go. [They start off down the mall, passing by Final Fashion, where the clerk watches Ada warily. What follows is a quick series of clips with various stores, to the tune of "Mr. Jones" by Counting Crowes. At The Basics Ada starts with blue Jeans and a t-shirt, then shorts and a different t-shirt. At Shoe Palace, she tries on six different pairs of shoes. At The Precipice, she tries on some grunge fashions, unsure of what to make of it. At the Kumquat Dictatorship she tries out the latest in khaki. At Solar Mania she tries on several different swimsuits -- Amy and Anne seem to be jealous. But to later on; Jeff is sitting at home, when he hears the doorbell ring. He stands up and opens the door. Before him is a few stacks of boxes and bags with legs.] Jeff: _What the--_? [Amy, Anne, and Ada step through the door, putting the boxes down.] Anne: We took care of her fashion impairment. Ada: What do you think? [The camera slowly pans from her feet to her face. She is wearing short black boots, green socks, blue denim shorts, and a green tanktop.] Jeff: [blushes] Um, nice. [There is a long pause. Ada looks around, trying to find something to fill in the silence, and finally glomps Jeff.] Anne: [sighs] I can't believe her sometimes... [After the commercial break; it's early morning, and Bob is sitting in the driver's seat of the family's van. Amy, Anne, Ada, Jeff, and Diane step out the front door. Felna stands at the doorway, holding Mittens in her arms.] Diane: [to Felna] So, you'll be fine by yourselves? Felna: [smiles] Yes. Mittens: Sure thing. Bob: Well kids, hop in! We've got to get going if we want to make good time! [Everyone except Felna and Mittens piles into the van.] Bob: [waving out the window] Bye, all! We'll be back in a few days! [A few hours later, the family is sitting in the van, which is driving down the highway.] Ada: How long is this going to take? Bob: Well, if we make good time, about a day and a half. Ada: That long? We could've just used my shuttle, you know. [she sighs, and leans against Jeff's shoulder.] [Much later, the van pulls to a halt. It is early morning, and before them is the Hoover Dam.] Bob: [hopping out of the car] Come on everyone! The first tour will just be starting! Jeff: [staggers out of the van, blinking in the sunlight.] Wha? Of what? Tour? Ada: [jumping out, quite alert] Hm? [she pauses, reading a sign] Hoover Dam? Bob: Yessir! This dam is very special to me, a monument of what human beings can accomplish, and-- Man: Well, howdy, folks! [They turn around, to see a man in his mid-fifties, wearing dirty jeans, a t-shirt, a baseball cap, and a nametag that says "Hoover Dam Tour Guide -- Bill"] Bill: Well I'll be! If it isn't the Foster clan! Just can't stay away, eh? Well, why don't we start the dam tour right now, since it doesn't look like anyone else is here. This way... [They follow Bill through a series of corridors and such, and he explains the workings of the dam. Jeff, Amy, and Anne are nearly asleep, Bob and Ada seem very interested, and Diane is sort of neutral.] Bill: So, now that the dam tour is finished, do you have an dam questions for your dam tour guide? [Silence.] Bill: Well, you car's still in our dam parking lot, so have a dam good day! [Still later, the family is in the car; all around them is desert, with only the single strip of road for scenery.] Amy: Man, this is boring! Ada: Yeah... Bob: Don't worry, girls! Only a few more hours, and we'll be in Las Vegas proper! [Amy lets out a long sigh and leans back in her seat.] Anne: Amy, do _not_ lean on me. Amy: I'm not! Anne: Yes you are! You've been doing that all the time! Jeff: Cut it out you two! [Outside view of the van; fantastic lights fly out of its windows.] Anne: Final Umbra Blade! Amy: Ultimate Prominance Wave! [Later on; it is night, but it's sort of hard to tell because of all the neon. The van pulls up in front of the Asgard Hotel & Casino, and the family piles out.] Amy: We _finally_ made it! Jeff: Well, if you two had been able to keep under control, we might've been able to get here sooner, rather than having to spend three hours trying to get the van to start! [Bob hands the keys to the van to a valet, while a small squad of bellboys take the rather extensive luggage.] Diane: Well, let's get to our room, shall we? [The family approaches the counter.] Bob: Foster. Reservation for three double rooms, sir. Clerk: [heavy British accent, ominous tones] Indeed. Bob: Yessiree! Me and the clan are here for a little fun in Vegas; gonna stay here three days. Clerk: Mister... Foster. There's been a last minute change. I'm afraid your reservation has been-- Bob: Now listen here! I made this reservation FIVE MONTHS in advance! Unless the hotel is gonna' burn down, we're going to have our room, or I'M going to make you regret ever hearing the name Robert Marcus Foster!!!!!!!! Clerk: [gulp] Um, sir... Diane: Try not to overdo it, dear. Remember about your blood pressure. Clerk: I was about to say, sir, that your reservation has been moved to a different floor... Bob: ... Jeff: [sighs] Don't mind him. Can we have the keys? [The clerk nods shakily, and pulls out three pairs of keys. The group heads over to the elevator. Cut to later on, when they arrive in the hotel rooms; Bob and Diane take the first room, Jeff and Ada take the second, and Amy and Anne take the third. Jeff is sitting on his bed, while Ada thanks the bellboy and offers him a tachyon pistol in lieu of a conventional tip (he looks at the weapon, then shrugs and takes it). Ada then turns around and jumps onto her bed.] Ada: What's so special about Las Vegas anyway? Jeff: Well, there's all kinds of shows and stuff, but most people come here to gamble. Ada: Gamble? Why? Jeff: [shrugs] Dunno. I'm not old enough to anyway. Usually I end up hanging around the arcade all day. Ada: I still don't understand human cultures... Jeff: Don't worry. Neither do I sometimes. Let's get some sleep anyways. [The next morning Jeff wakes up and sees that Ada has already left. Running a hand through his hair, he steps out the door; Amy is in the hall.] Amy: Oh, hi Jeff! Looking for Ada? Jeff: Um... Well... Amy: She got up real early, and went to go practice hand to hand combat or something, but she said she'd be by the pool later. [Jump cut to Ada standing on a diving board. She is wearing a pink and purple one-piece bathing suit, and is being watched by a number of guys around the pool. She stands there for a moment, and then jumps, executing a dive worthy of the greatest olympic athelete. A moment later, she emerges and swims to the side of the pool; when she steps out, she spots Jeff standing off to one side. She strides towards him, executing a rather impressive leap to get over a weight lifter who tries to walk up to her, and lands in front of him.] Ada: Morning Jeff! Jeff: [blushes] Um, hi Ada. Ada: [turning around] Do you like my swimsuit? Jeff: Um, yeah. It... suits you. Weightlifter: Excuse me, miss, but how'd you like to hang with a _real_ man? [Ada looks at him, puzzled.] Jeff: I'll have you know she's my fiancee. Weightlifter: Oh, really? Ada: Um hmm! [she glomps jeff; a trickle of blood comes out of his nose] Are you gonna' be nice, or do I have to show you what I did to the king of the T'bango on Taltesos IV! Weightlifter: Um... [feigns checking his pager] I gotta go... [Ada lets go of Jeff, who heaves a sigh of relief.] Ada: What're we going to do today Jeff, hmm? Jeff: Well, Dad said he wanted to start off with a continental breakfast at 9:30...[ looks at his watch] We'd better head over to the restraunt soon. [he pauses] _After_ you change into something more appropriate. Ada: Oh, yeah... [Later on, the Foster family plus Ada sit in a booth of the hotel's restraunt. A waited approaches warily; he is dressed in a typical waiter uniform, but generally looks like he might actually be an ancient legendary swordsman or something who's only posing as a waiter because it's vitally important to his mission. At least, that would explain his messed-up hair, and the way he seems to make every motion in a way that looks powerful.] Waiter: Good morning, Clan Foster. On what do you wish to dine this morning? [The family gives a collective *, then prepares to order.] *In anime, the noise is that of the eyelids of the characters emphatically closing and opening again, usually in bafflement. The exact reasons for this occurring are unknown, though some suspect that it is simply a result of the extreme size of the character's eyes. Bob: I'll have the fried eggs, flapjacks and bacon, with coffee. Waiter: [scribbling on his pad] Right. Diane: I'll have the same. Waiter: Twice. Verily. Amy: I want fruit salad with orange juice. Anne: Ditto. Ada: I'll have... Um... Gee, I could go for some clertnp right now, but... Jeff: What's that? Ada: Clertnp? It's sort of... Well, it would be lethal to most other races, for one thing, but... Waiter: [growing impatient] I urge you to reach a decision with all speed. Ada: Hm? Um, okay. I'll have those Bulgarian waffles with strawberries. Jeff: You mean Belgian? Ada: One of those countries... Jeff: Anyway, I'll have... a cheese omlette, hash browns, and bacon. With milk. Oh, and can I get some ketchup for that? Waiter: Ketchup...? Jeff: ...If it's not too much trouble...? Waiter: You... want ketchup? Jeff: Well... I mean, if it means that much to you, I guess I could do withou-- Waiter: KETCHUP!?!?!? [slams his hands down on the table] TOMATO PASTE LADEN WITH SUGAR AND SALT?!?!?!?!?! Manager: [heard in the distance] Oh, hell. There he goes again. Waiter: I WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO SO INSULT THE HONOR OF THE CHEF! I WILL--!!!!! [A hand rests on his shoulder.] Manager: [suddenly behind the waiter] Sefiro, shut up. Waiter: I will not be silenced! Manager: Look, I don't want to say this in front of the customers, but if you keep it up, you will not be employed. Waiter: [hangs his head] Very well. [turns and faces Jeff] I will bring you your... _ketchup_, knave, but I will not soon forget this, I will--! Manager: And no vendettas on customers! [The waiter scowls, and leaves.] Manager: I'm terribly sorry about that. We're a little short handed right now, you see... Bob: No need to apologize! I understand. Have the same kind of problems myself. [The Manager nods and leaves. In the distance, the waiter can be heard yelling something about salt.] Amy: That was... different. Anne: Interesting is the word I'd use. Diane: So, what are you all planning to do today? Amy: I heard there's a karaoke place near here, I wanna go. Anne: Sure, why not. Ada: Karaoke? That's the thing where you get to sing and stuff? [Anne nods.] Ada: I wanna go too! [to Jeff] Come on! After breakfast let's go to the karaoke! Jeff: [looks at her for a moment, then realizes that it's futile and hangs his head] Sure. [Later on; Jeff, Ada, and the twins walk into a dimly lit place. There are a number of people there, including some unusually drunken Japanese bussinessmen as well as a man in a leisure suit who is wearing just a little bit too much jewelry, mostly in the form of rings.] Ada: Neat! Where do we go to sing? Mr. Leisure Suit: Just get up on the stage, toots. Ada: [hops up onto the stage] Now what? Amy: Just pick a song on the computer, and sing along. [Ada looks at the computer screen. She presses a button and the music starts. She begins to sing "I Believe I Can Fly" in a voice so stirring, so beautiful, that everyone in the place begins to sit up and take notice. By the time she finishes, several of the Japanese salarymen are brought to tears. Jeff watches, his jaw hanging open.] Amy: Where'd she learn to sing like that? Ada: [hopping down next to them, she hand the mic to Amy] Your turn. Anne: Tough act to follow. Ada: I didn't sound _too_ bad, did I? I haven't done any singing before except for the Nwei war chants... Mr. Leisure Suit: Bad? You're one of the best vocalists I've ever heard! How would you like to be a star? [Jeff begins to pale.] Ada: Hmmm.... I dunno. I'm already a princess, you know. Mr. Leisure Suit: Okay, tell 'ya what. You do one performance tonight, get 25% of the take, and see how you like it. If you decide to go with it, I can sign ya' on a contract, and we can start cutting records. Ada: Ummmm.... Okay. [That night; the Foster family sits in the front row for Ada's performance. The place is packed.] Amy: Wow, I wonder if Ada will end up making a career out of this? Anne: She doesn't strike me as the type to do something like that. Besides, I don't know if Planet Earth is quite ready. [Mr. Leisure Suit, wearing a lapel mic, walks out on the stage.] Mr. Leisure Suit: From all the way across the reaches of space! I present to you, the one and only, Princess Ada! [Amid applause and cheers, the curtains part. Ada is revealed, wearing one of her Nwei jumpsuits, and with a backup band that includes two electric guitars, a drummer, and a pair of keyboardists. She shyly walks up to the mic, and proceeds to sing "I Believe I Can Fly" once again; the effect is much the same. When it ends, she bows to the audience, getting a standing ovation.] Ada: Thank you! And now I want to sing a song from my home planet, about something very dear to me. [The band begins to play what sounds like another beautiful song, but then the guitar players launch into a series of discordant guitar chords, and the drummer comes in with a regular, pounding beat, like that of a heart. Ada grips the microphone as though to strangle it, and begins the song, which is entirely in her native Nwei language, and sounds rather like a ritual for summoning mighty Cthulhu played by Marilyn Manson on crack. When it finally concludes, she bows again, putting the microphone down in front of her. The audience looks at her in a collective, stunned silence. After several seconds, Ada starts to look worried.] Ada: Uh oh. [Shortly later; the family is driving home in the van.] Ada: Too bad no one here seems to like Nwei music... But then, it is meant to strike fear into the hearts of the enemy and stuff like that. Anne: I thought it was kinda' cool, myself. Bob: Well, I hope you all had fun! Jeff: It was certainly more exciting than our last trip here. Amy: Especially when that waiter came back and attacked us with that big 'ol sword of his. Anne: But what kind of waiter wields a sword longer than he is tall, has long gray hair, and a black cape? Diane: Well, will you all be ready for our next trip? Ada: What's that? Diane: Why, to Japan, of course! Anne: That's right! Around the end of August we're going to be visiting great-grandpa Akio! We haven't seen him in almost six years... ------------------------------------------------------------------ Episode #16: Jeff's First Job [Jeff stands in the cavernous building that is Circuit Land, timidly holding his application. After a while, one of the salesmen notices him, and approaches.] Ron: [(stereo)typical unctuous, greasy salesman] Say, you're interested in working here? Jeff: Um, yeah. Ron: Well... [takes his application, glances over it] Glad to have you aboard ... Geeohfree Jeff: ... Call me Jeff. Ron: Right, Geroffraey. I'm Ron, the manager here at Circuit Land number 3972473982-B. [A short while later, Jeff, now dressed in a blue polo shirt and brown pants, is standing on the sales floor, next to Iggy, who is similarly dressed.] Jeff: YOU work here? Iggy: Yup. Started two months ago. I wanted to get a job at a music store or something, but this is all that I could find. Jeff: Wow. Say, what exactly is it with Ron and names? John: Don't ask me. He _still_ calls me Eeee-geee. But at least he doesn't do the name tags. Mr. Customer: Excuse me, do you have any Yokohama brand VCRs? Iggy: ... Um... No. Sorry. Not that particular brand, though unless you have extremely specialized needs, I'm sure we could find something to suit-- [he stops relaizing that the customer has already walked away.] Jeff: Wow. Iggy: Don't worry. Unless they come up to you, you can usually ignore them. Jeff: Really? Mrs. Customer: Excuse me, young man, but I bought a karey-okey here four months ago, and it isn't working now. Iggy: What model was it? Mrs. Customer: Um... A Sonyk KX-300. Iggy: [typing the info into the computer] Hmm... Looks like it's out of warranty. Getting it repaired would probably cost you about fifty dollars for labor, plus parts. Mrs. Customer: What? Why should I have to pay for it?! Iggy: [sweat drop] There isn't much I can do; the warranty period is only 90 days, though I'm sure whoever sold it to you offered the extended service plan. Mrs. Customer: So, after the warranty period is up, that's it? You're just not going to help me at all?! Iggy: Well... You can speak to the manager if you like, but there isn't too much *I* can do for you. Mrs. Customer: I don't know why I came here in the first place... Iggy: We're number one for low prices... [picks up the phone] Ron, please come to terminal five. [Later on; Jeff and Iggy, amongst others, are in the tiny cafeteria having lunch.] Jeff: Wow. Iggy: We get a few like that in here once in a while. Jeff: Yeah, but I didn't expect her to try to use her mace on Ron... Iggy: [shrugs] Well, I figure that with Ron at the helm, this store is doomed anyway. Jeff: That's reassuring. Iggy: Don't worry, it'll probably take at least a few months. Then he can go back to his used car lot. Jeff: Is that what he did before? Iggy: Yup. Ron's Aut-O-Rama. [There is a long pause, interrupted by a fantastic crashing noise. Jeff, John, and various others rush out to see what's happening; a man dressed in a suit and a high-tech looking mask has just rushed into the place, accompanied by his cohorts; a rather familiar rabbit-girl, a raptor, a humanoid skunk, and a man with antennae and giant bugged-out eyes. The leader, whose suitcase says "Dr. F" on it, motions them forward.] Dr. F: *I* am the nefarious Dr. F! No one is to move! [his companions ready their guns with emphatic clicking noises.] Hand over your money and valuables, and no one will be hurt! [The mutants fan out. The rabbit-girl walks right up to Jeff.] Rabbit-Girl: So, Jeff Foster, we meet again. Iggy: You... know her? Rabbit-Girl: My name is Usagi-26. His fiancee thwarted my plans before, but not this time! Jeff: Whatever you say. Iggy: Wow. Usagi-26: You heard the doctor! Hand over your money! [Iggy and Jeff shrug, and each deposits about 10 dollars in a bag proffered by the raptor.] Usagi-26: That's IT? Twenty bucks between you two?! Iggy: Yeah. We're just high school students, you know... Usagi-26: URGH! You're useless! [she points her gun at them] Dr. F: Usagi, don't. We aren't going to do anything like that unless we have to. [Suddenly, a figure flies in through the open doors, and lands in the center of the store, atop a big-screen TV. She wears superhero(ine) spandex, complete with a cape, gloves, boots, and a mask, and a "D" on her chest. She looks down at Dr. F with contempt.] Dr. F: Dyna-Woman! So good of you to join my party! Dyna-Woman: I'll follow you to the ends of the Earth if I have to, you fiend! Dr. F: [laughs manaically] Be that as it may, THIS time I am more than ready for you! Guildenstein! [The skunk snaps to attention.] Dr. F: Show our guest what you can do. [Guildenstein grins, dropping the gun. He pauses for a moment, flexing every muscle in his body, until suddenly, a corona of reddish energy appears around him, and he bursts upwards, towards Dyna-Woman.] Dyna-Woman: So, you've found a way to mimic my power of flight! Dr. F: Oh, he can do far more than that. [Guildenstein surges towards her, holding out his hands, in which the glow is rapidly intensifiying. Suddenly, a beam of crimson energy lances out towards her. Dyna-Woman is struck in the chest and thrown back into a wall. She is quick to recover.] Dyna-Woman: I see I'll have to respond in kind! HA! [Lightning crackles around her eyes, and bolts of blue electricity lance out even as she rises into the air again.] [Guildenstein nimbly dodges them, surging towards her. They clash in mid-air, exchanging hand to hand blows at lightning speed. Suddenly, Dyna-Woman lands a powerful hit to Guildenstien's face, throwing him to the ground. The aura around him fades. She descends after him, landing one foot on his chest.] Usagi-26: Big deal. He was cloned all of a month ago. [She grabs Jeff, pointing a gun at his head.] Dyna-Woman! Let him go! [Seeing the situation, Dyna-Woman slowly lets Guildenstein up. He grins, dusts himself off, and pulls out a pistol, sticking his tongue out at her as he does so.] Dyna-Woman: You won't get away with this! Justice will prevail! Dr. F: We shall see, Dyna-Woman. [There is a long pause. Out of nowhere, a beam of silvery energy strikes the gun in Usagi-26's hand. Everyone whirls around to see...] P. Sun: I am Pretty Sun, defender of Love! P. Moon: I am Pretty Moon, defender of Justice! P. Sun & P. Moon: We are the Celestial Pair! [they strike a pose, then jump down into the fray] [The raptor looks at Pretty Sun hungrily. She s, then starts running for it.] Raptor: Remember me? Ahahahahahaha! P. Sun: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Pretty Moon and Dyna-Woman look on, and sigh.] Dyna-Woman: You showed up just in time. Dr. F: Yes! Just in time for my party! I'm glad you came, and so is Flopsy! P. Moon: Who's Flopsy? Dyna-Woman: The doctor had a pet rabbit by that name, right? [Usagi-26 seems to be covering her face.] Usagi-26: Never mind that! Do you want to have a super battle or what?! P. Moon: Let's do it! Dr. F: Very well! Sigmund! [The bug eyed guy steps forward.] Sigmund: I've been waiting for this! FINAL ACTIVATION! Dr. F: NO! NOT THAT POWER! [There is a massive explosion. Sigmund, charred but otherwise alright, collapses to the floor. The others, including the Doctor and his cohorts, as well as the heroes, standers-by, and the merchandise, are in even worse shape.] Sigmund: Ouch. Usagi-26: YOU IDIOT! P. Sun: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Raptor: Don't you like me better now that I can speak! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Pretty Sun and the Raptor run across the screen four or five times, before P. Sun trips over something. The Raptor looms over her.] Raptor: Maybe I should just eat you!? P. Sun: NO! I'm too cute to die! Raptor: Probably too cute to digest too. [Dyna-Woman floats up from the wreckage of several VCRs, and, seeing what's happening, fires a blast of electricity at the Raptor, who falls unconscious upon being hit.] P. Sun: Thanks, Dyna-Woman! Dyna-Woman: Just doing my job! Let's finish cleaning up this mess! [They scan the store, looking for signs of life. Usagi-26 is kneeling next to Dr. F.] Dyna-Woman: Halt, criminal! Usagi-26: You won't get us that easily! [She tries to lift up Dr. F, then collapses under the weight.] Okay! You won't get ME that easily! [She turns to run, but falls on her face -- because Dr. F is holding her leg.] Dr. F: The... hoverjet! Usagi-26: Of course! [she pulls out a box with a red button on it. Dyna-Womand and the Celestial Pair halt their pursuit] Watch what happens when I press the red button! Dyna-Woman: Stop! [She pressed the button. A massive hover jet crashes through one of the larger windows, setting itself down beside Dr. F. A ramp extends, and he and his mutant cohorts clamber aboard. The heroines try to use various attacks against it, but to no avail. It spins around, giving us a glimpse of Yosemite Sam mudflaps and a bumper sticker that says, "I BRAKE FOR NOBODY". Once it disappears from sight, Dyna-Woman hovers to the ground.] P. Moon: Man! He got away. Dyna-Woman: Don't worry. The forces of justice will be waiting for him when he does return. [Jeff and Iggy emerge from the rubble.] Jeff: [cough] Don't tell me *that* happens a lot! Iggy: Well, not on this kind of scale. [Ron pulls himself out of the rubble as well and, looking around, walks up to Dyna-Woman.] Ron: Say, can I interest you in a used car? I have just the thing for the modern superheroine-- Jeff: Well, I think I'll go look for another job. I don't think I'm cut out for this. Iggy: Sounds good to me. Ron: Wait, Gallifrey! Would you be interested in a careeer in automobile sales? Jeff: ... No. Amy: So, you're quitting after only half a day here? Jeff: That was quick... Yeah. I don't think I can take any more. And besides, the manager here is a major... something or other. Anne: I guess you'll have to look for another job, eh? Jeff: Right now I just want to go to the comics shop. Interesting Times Extra Theater #9: The Amazing Dyna-Woman! [Jeff and Iggy stand on a stage, both in SD form and dressed in suits. A picture of Dyna-Woman appears behind them.] Jeff: Just who is Dyna-Woman? Iggy: Though no one knows her true identity, it is known that she is a local superheroine, of even greater power and ability than the Celestial Pair, who've appeared at our own high school. Jeff: Dyna-Woman possesses the ability to fly and fire bolts of electricity from her eyes. She also is very fast and strong. Iggy: Where she obtained these abilities is unknown, though it is rumored that she was an ordinary housewife until one day, when she was in a a traffic accident, and was exposed to samples of gases that, in fact, had been collected from outer space. Jeff: Whatever her true origins, Dyna-Woman fights a never-ending battle for justice. Iggy: Her chief foe in this battle is the infamous Dr. F, an evil genetecist intent on world conquest. Jeff: The creatures Dyna-Woman and the Celestial Pair faced today were none other than his creations, made by genetically altering living creatures to suit his own fiendish desires. Iggy: Who knows what he and his henchmen are up to, at this very moment? [Cut to a view of Dr. F and the four mutants, sitting around a table, playing poker.] Usagi-26: I still can't believe you, Sigmund! I'll see that and raise you ten... Jeff: Who knows what diabolical schemes they might be hatching at this very moment? [Guildenstein hold up a sign, saying "CORN CHIPS PLEASE"] Iggy: Who can tell--! Oh, forget it. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Episode #17: Jeff's Second Job: Another Battle With The Mysterious Inklord! [Jeff is at the comic store, reading the latest issue of The Arachnid.] Nate: So, I heard your job at Circuit Land was a flop. Jeff: Yeah. The manager was a moron, plus the place got attacked by Dr. F. Nate: I heard about that. Dyna-Woman and the Celestial Pair teamed up to fight his minions, but they got away anyhow. Jeff: Mm. But I still need to figure out how to get enough money for Comic ConFusion... Nate: Hmmm... Jeff: [looks at Nate suspiciously] What are you thinking? Every time you go "hmmm" all hell breaks loose. It's almost as bad as when you go "hmmmmmmmmmmmm." Nate: Nothing like that. It's just that I was thinking that I could use someone to help out around the store. [Jeff stops short, turns around very slowly, his eyes slowly expanding the entire time. Cut to outside the store.] Jeff: YAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Cut to back in the store.] Nate: ... Wow. Jeff: Sorry. Couln't help myself. Won't happen again. Voice: So, there is a position open at this store?! [Jeff whirls around to see his arch-nemesis in the comics arena -- the Inklord.] Jeff: You! Inklord: [to Nate] I, too, wish to apply. [Nate grins, pressing the record button under the counter.] Jeff: No way! He asked ME first! Nate: Well, either of you would be a good choice, actually. I guess you'll have to _prove_ which one is the best... Jeff: [cracks knuckles] There is NO WAY this job is going to you, Inky. Inklord: I will not give up so easily, Jeff Foster! Jeff: Neither will I! Inklord: If that's how you wish to play it. Jeff: That's how it is. Inklord: Let's do it! [For a brief moment a Street Fighter style screen pops up with still pics of them facing off, and "JEFF VS INKLORD" at the bottom of the screen. After the commercial break, they stand on opposite sides of the store. Amy, Anne, Ada, Iggy, Janice, Silvie, and a few others are watching.] Jeff: Right then. Let's begin. [There is a long pause.] Nate: Guys? Inklord: Um, what sort of contest should we do? Jeff: Yeah. We've done the trivia thing six times, four lightsaber duels, a scavenger hunt, and then there was that incident with the experimental killer satellites... Iggy: Wow! I wish I'd seen that one... Ada: Does this happen a lot? Silvie: That's what I've heard. Jeff wins a lot, but not all the time. Nate: Hmmmmmmmmmmmm... Jeff: Uh oh. Ada: They could do a Nwei style duel... except I don't know if the city could take it... Nate: Hell, let's do something classical. [Everyone watches, bewildered, as he reaches down below the counter and whips out a series of boxes.] Inklord: What is this? Nate: How's this; each of you chooses a box, which has some kind of weapon or something, and then you go at it. The winner gets the job. Jeff: And what exactly does this have to do with being qualified for the job? Nate: Well... hmmmmmm... if we get robbed...? Inklord: Never mind. I accept. Do you, young Foster? Jeff: Sure. You go first. [The Inklord looks over the boxes. Then picks one up. Jeff boldly strides up to the counter, and grabs one without a second of hesitation. Inklord opens his box to reveal a sword, which is, for some reason, too large to actually fit in the box. Jeff opens his and finds... three six-sided dice.] Jeff: What the hell is this? Dice?! Nate: I'll have you know those aren't just any dice! They're Chinese Throwing Dice! Hong Kong roleplayers have been known to be able to kill a man with those! Jeff: [glares at Nate] I should've suspected something like this would happen. Inklord: Will you face me, or give in? Jeff: [spins around indignantly, facing the Inklord] I'll never give up! NEVER! Ada: I don't think I've ever seen him this worked up... Anne: You missed the duel last month, then. Nate: Okay. Um. Yeah. ROUND ONE! FIGHT! Inklord: Now, prepare to be defeated!!!!! [The Inklord readies his sword, and charges at Jeff. Jeff barely dodges, stepping to the side. The Inklord swings yet again, and he ducks the sword, hopping backwards. He then holds the three dice in one hand and strikes a dramatic pose.] Jeff: My turn. HA! [Jeff hurls the dice at the Inklord. One strikes between the eyes, one hits his sword hand, making him drop the sword, and the third hits his foot with enough force to make the Inklord fall over. The dice then rebound and land neatly in Jeff's hand.] Damn! These things are cool! Inklord: [standing up, grabbing sword] It will take more than that to defeat me! Jeff: Fine then! [The two of them dive into a ferocious melee, dice and sword clashing again and again.] Ada: Go Jeff! Amy: Wow! I didn't know he could fight like that! [Suddenly, Jeff jumps into the air, and flings the dice in separate directions. They rebound six times, and then strike the Inklord with incredible force on all sides. The Inklord collapses in a heap, and the dice land on the ground next to him, all three of them having rolled sixes.] Jeff: [picking up the dice] Damn I'm good! Janice: Don't let it go to your head. Amy: You have to admit, though, that was pretty impressive. [Suddenly, the Inklord's eyes jolt open. In a blur of motion, he swings around, striking Jeff's legs out from under him and pressing the sword against his chest.] Inklord: I will not be defeated THAT easily, Foster!!!!!! Ada: Oh, no! Jeff: [looking up at the Inklord, without batting an eye] Perception check. [With a flick of the wrist he sends one of the dice hurtling at the Inklord, striking him in the eye. The Inklord staggers back, and Jeff springs to his feet, just in time to catch the rebounding die.] Just unlucky with the rolls are we, numb-dice? Inklord: [pointing the sword at Jeff] INK RAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [he charges at Jeff, unleashing a barrage of slashes, which Jeff only barely avoids, being cut a few times anyhow.] Jeff: DAMN! Allright! That's it! This has gone far enough! Time to finish it! Inklord: What... are you doing? Jeff: [glowing blue aura of determination around him] CRITICAL STRIKE!!!!!!!!!!!! [Jeff hurls all three dice in a straight line. They are suddenly surrounded by an aura of crackling blue electricity, and strike the Inklord with the force of a locomotive. The Inklord strikes the far wall of the store, and slumps to the ground, smoke rising from his chest. The three dice land on the counter, a five and two fours. Jeff breathes raggedly.] Nate: I guess... you won. Ada: Yay! [glomps Jeff] Jeff: I... I did it... Ada: Um hm! I'm so proud of you! Nate: Well, I've got some video ed-- stuff to do. Be here at ten o'clock sharp tomorrow. Jeff: [nods] Right. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Episode #18: The Ancient Chinese Art of Kung Fu [This episode we forego the usual opening theme in favor of that of Jackie Chan's Rumble In the Bronx. It begins with a scene of Jeff's house seen from overhead. Jeff steps out the door, gets on his bike, and begins to ride. The camera view, still overhead, follows him, briefly switching to a close-up of his profile, showing a look of determination. As he continues, switch to a close-up of a pad of paper, which has a series of names written in Chinese, and, right at the bottom, "Jeff Foster" written in plain English. Jeff continues riding. Switch back to the pad, and pull back, showing a Kung Fu kwoon (i.e., a Chinese equivalent of a dojo). Finally, Jeff pulls up his bike at this place, locks his bike around a statue of a Foo Creature (the male of the two lions, the one that has a ball under its paw), and walks in. Cut to Jeff, standing in the living room of his house.] Amy: So, you're gonna' start taking Kung Fu classes? Why? Jeff: ...A couple of things, I guess. Amy: It's hard to imagine you as being a warrior. Jeff: [smiles] Yeah. But it'll be even harder to imagine me as the commander of a battalion of Nwei troops. Amy: Huh? Jeff: The princes and princesses, by tradition, have their own small armies; Ada was telling me about it. It's ceremonial more than anything, but she has a strike cruiser full of various types of soldiers under her command. Anne: So, she's what this is all about. Jeff: Well... [blushes] yeah. Anne: Good luck. [Back at the kwoon, Jeff has just walked in, and is looking around, not sure of what to do. A Chinese teenager approaches him.] I-Long: Hello. You must be Jeff Foster. Jeff: Um, yeah. I-Long: Right on time. Follow me. [Jeff shrugs, and follows I-Long into a training area, which is basically open grass, occupied by about a dozen students.] I-Long: The sifu will be here shortly. [After a few seconds, an old Chinese man walks around the group, and stops right in front. When he stands up to full height, Jeff immediately recognizes him.] Jeff: M-Mr. Chen! Mr. Chen: So, Jeff Foster, you wish to learn the ancient art of Kung Fu?! Jeff: Well... Mr. Chen: I will not teach a student who lacks decisiveness! Answer me! Jeff: Yes. I do. Mr. Chen: Good. Are you afraid? Jeff: ... No... I'm not afraid. Mr. Chen: [grins] You will be. ... You will be. [he snaps to attention] Very well class! Line up! [The students form neat rows, and Jeff takes a place in one of these.] Mr. Chen: We will begin with push-ups! [This proves to be the beginning of a litany of various exercises, both familiar and unusual. Cut to a while later. About half of the class (not including Jeff) is clearly exhausted. The other half are merely really tired.] Mr. Chen: Now, the real training begins! Do as I do! [The class begins alternating practice punches. After a while, some of the students fall unconscious. The rest are preparing for such.] Jeff: Jeez. His exercises are as bad as his lectures... Mr. Chen: Good. Take a five minute break! [He walks out of the room.] I-Long: Wow, that was pretty bad, even for the sifu... Do you know him from somewhere? Jeff: [nods] He teaches Ancient History at my school. Says I need more discipline. But then, he says that to everyone, including the principal and the cafeteria cook. I-Long: Really? Jeff: Um-hmm. If anyone else tried saying that to Mr. Hilter or Mrs. Goerring, they'd be in trouble. I-Long: Well, the sifu usually knows what he's doing, especially where kung fu is concerned. Jeff: I know! I've seen him in action -- he took down my si-- I mean, the Celestial Pair _easily_. I-Long: I think he's being extra hard on you, though... Jeff: [smiles] It wouldn't surprise me. But I've put up with worse. I-Long: Like what? Jeff: Radioactive squids, Lord Eclipse, Dr. F, the Inklord... I-Long: Never a dull moment, eh? Jeff: Tell me about it. Mr. Chen: [re-entering] Now, we will begin sparring. Jeff Foster! Come to the front of the room! [Jeff does so.] Mr. Chen: Now, attack me! Jeff: ... Um... I'd rather not. Mr. Chen: Why not?! Jeff: Well... You being a master of kung fu and me having started learning it about an hour ago, I don't put my chances as being very good, even _with_ some throwing dice. Student #4: [quietly] He can use throwing dice? Mr. Chen: ........... Good. You have already placed yourself a step ahead of some of the others in this room! A true master knows that a battle is not always necessary to attain victory. However, I am attempting to instruct you, and, being the sifu, I know best how to go about this, so ATTACK ME ANYWAY!!!!!!!! [Jeff hesitates a moment, then feints to the left, moves to the right, and throws a punch. In one smooth motion, Chen grabs Jeff's outstretched arm, pulls him downwards, and then uses his other hand to grab Jeff's shoulder and bring him to the ground.] Mr. Chen: The first rule! When the opponent is rigid, be soft. When the opponent is soft, be rigid. [Jeff picks himself up, and looks at Chen with new resolve. He closes his eyes, and concentrates for several seconds, Chen's words fading away. Suddenly, Jeff's eyes open, and he lashes out with a single finger. Chen barely reacts in time, catching the finger between two of his own, stopping it within a fraction of an inch from his chest. He looks at where Jeff was aiming, and then at Jeff.] Mr. Chen: ... Most impressive, young Foster. If you had succeeded, I would have been paralyzed. Mr. Chen Voice Over: [Mandarin with English and Chinese subtitles] How is it possible?! He very nearly got the better of me! But how could he have known such a thing? He knows no kung fu, his punch was that of a common brawler, and a poor one at that, yet in that moment he moved with speed and precision equal to my own. It seems he has visited this art once before on the Wheel of Life... Jeff: What? What is it? Mr. Chen: N-nothing! Get back in place! We will continue the lessons! [That evening, Jeff arrives back at home, now wearing a blue kung fu outfit.] Anne: Oh my god... You're serious about this, aren't you? Jeff: [rolls eyes] Yeah... And what are you doing with your time this summer, huh? Amy: What'd you do at kung fu class, anyway? Jeff: Lots of exercise. And practice. Anne: But what makes you think YOU can fight decently? No offense, Jeff, but you're a bit of a wimp for that sort of thin-- [Jeff pokes her in the shoulder.] Anne: What did you... [she looks at her arm and grimaces] ... Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Owwwww... [grits her teeth] Owwwwwwwwww... [Jeff pokes her again. She looks relieved.] Anne: ... Okay, I take it back. Just don't do that again, not unless you want an Umbra Shockwave to the face. Jeff: [shrugs] It's not just about being able to fight, you know. [The next day, Jeff is getting ready to head out, dressed in his kung fu outfit again.] Ada: Hey, Jeff... wha? Mittens: [hops up on the sofa] He's going to his kung fu class. Are you the only one who hasn't heard? Ada: Um... I guess so. What's kung fu? Mittens: It's a form of hand to hand combat and mental discipline. Ada: Really? You're learning how to fight? Jeff: Um, yeah. Ada: You shoulda' asked me! We'll have to spar sometime! Jeff: Well... I don't know if I'm ready for that just yet... [Ada smiles, and glomps him. Later on, Jeff arrives at the kwoon once more.] Mr. Chen: [distracted] ... Foster. I am curious. How did you know where to strike yesterday? Jeff: Um... I dunno. It just kinda' came to me, like intuition or something... Mr. Chen: Very well. LETS BEGIN!!! [Jeff is startled by the sudden volume, gets in line.] Mr. Chen: Now--! Voice: Not so fast, Chen! Mr. Chen: Who are you! Reveal yourself! [A man wearing a navy blue trenchcoat and a matching mask, plus a blue crystal about his neck steps out.] Mr. Chen: So, Chan, your order has come to haunt me once more! Chan: Give the book to us, and no one gets hurt, Chen. Mr. Chen: I think not. [Out of nowhere, six similarly dressed men land in the training area, flanking the students.] Chan: Don't be a fool, Chen. Do you want them to die? Mr. Chen: You know the book would let you do far worse. [Chan snaps his fingers. His men fly at the students. The lesser students are cut down immediately, while the more advanced ones are able to put up a fight. Mr. Chen spins around, changing into his monk outfit, then dives into the furious melee. After a whirlwind Hong Kong style fight, five of the thugs are down, as well as nearly all of the students. One of the thugs grabs Jeff and holds a dagger to his throat.] Jeff: Damn! Mr. Chen: [a faint red glow surrounds him] Let. Him. Go. Thug #6: You move, he dies. Mr. Chen: Jeff. You will know, in your heart, what you must do. [Jeff looks at Chen, not sure of what to do.] Jeff Voice Over: What the hell's he talking about? ... [closes eyes] Like before. I didn't know what I was doing, but I almost had him. I have to concentrate... Chan: Don't waste our time, Chen. Give us the book, or he dies. [Suddenly, Jeff reaches one hand up, twists the thug's knife hand away, elbows him with the same arm, and then does a back kick, sending him reeling. The knife drops to the ground, and Chan looks on in shock.] Chan: How... how can this be?! [Chen wastes no time in pulling out a ward. The remaining thugs, upon seeing it, flee.] Chan: [while running] The Blue Lotus Monks will return! ------------------------------------------------------------------ Episode #19: Vacation In Japan Note #1: Text in greater than/less than signs <> is dialogue in Japanese with English subtitles. Note #2: No, I haven't been to Japan before. I've read a number of books and so forth ("The Hollow Doll: A Little Box of Japanese Shocks", "The Completely Non-Authoritative Guide to Japan", "Dave Barry Does Japan", etc.), so my portrayal will at least be based on the experiences of others there, rather than just what I've seen in anime (and if you think anime is accurate, take a look at our own sitcoms and such, and ask yourself if that really happens here in the U.S.). In all I've seen and read, it is apparent that Japanese society has numerous layers and such, and is at least as complex as our own, perhaps more so. But anyway. [We open on a view of the living room in the Foster home. EVERYONE is doing the decapitated chicken thing, except, of course, for Mittens. They are variously packing, making breakfast, eating breakfast, and so forth. Mittens stops, and looks at the camera.] Mittens: Oh, hi there! We're a little busy right now. See, at least every three years, sometimes more, the family takes a trip to Japan to visit Great-Grandpa Akio, who's Diane's grandfather. Diane and the twins are the only ones who really look forward to it. Anne: [to Amy] Are you done packing yet? Amy: Almost! Just a couple more things! Ada: [in the distance] What do you mean they don't allow guns in Japan? [she and Jeff walk on-camera] Jeff: Hey, I don't make the rules. There's a reason they have one of the lowest crime rates in the world. Ada: [frowns, folds arms] Twonks. No fun at all. Bob: Let's hustle, everyone! We've got to be out the door in fifteen minutes! [A short while later, the family -- everyone this time, including Mittens and Felna -- piles into the van.] Bob: Is everyone ready? Everyone Else: Yes. Bob: Off we go! Upward and onward, into the frog-- er, fog. [Not too much later, the family is at the airport, looking a little confused.] Jeff: Right here; it says, Gate 42. [points] That way. [They start off in that direction.] Mittens: [from inside a pet carrier] I still think this thing is stupid. What's the big idea giving me such a small space? Anne: Shh! You know we don't want to, but the airline won't let you on otherwise. Mittens: Bastards. [Cut to a security guard watching the x-ray of various bags. After some normal items, he sees a (moving) cat skeleton in one bag. This is surprising, but not as much so as what he sees in the next one -- a high-tech gun.] Guard #1: [stands up, faces Ada] I'm going to have to ask you to stop. Ada: Darn. Jeff: You didn't. ... You did. Ada: It was just a little one... Guard #2: [opening Ada's bag, he pulls out a laser pistol] What have we here? Ada: ... A mark II auto-pulse laser pistol. What's it look like? Guard #2: [holding it experimentally] And why exactly do you have this raygun with you? [points it at the floor.] Jeff: Um, I wouldn't do that if I were you. I don't think it's a training laser. [He pulls the trigger. A laser beam shoots out, making a hole in the floor.] Jeff: [to guards] Look, she didn't mean anything by it. I'm sure you saw us on the news-- Guard #1: Oh... yeah. That's right. The alien princess and all that. Jeff: Right. She can't really help doing that sort of thing. So we'll let you keep that one if you let us go on. Ada: But I like that gun... Jeff: [quietly] I bet you do, but having to take the trouble to get a new one is nothing compared to being thrown in jail. Ada: Oh. Guard #2: Yeah. Go on... [The family begins to walk through the metal detector. When Felna goes through, it beeps.] Guard #1: Walk through again. [she complies -- it beeps again. He pulls out a detector wand.] Jeff: Uh oh. [The guard runs the handheld metal detector up and down Felna's body. It beeps the entire time.] Guard #1: What the...? Ada: Um, her skeleton is made of a duridium alloy. Guard #2: Great, first a raygun, then Wolverine's sister. Jeff: That's admantium. Guard #1: How do I know you're telling the truth? [Ada opens her bag, and pulls out Felna's instruction manual, handing it to the guard, on a particular page.] Ada: See? Right here it says, "your bioroid is equipped with a duridium endoframe for maximum durability." [Guard #1 walks up to Felna and looks her right in the eyes. She looks back at him blankly for several seconds. The guard begins to twitch nervously. Felna stays totally still. After several more seconds, the guard blinks and looks away.] Guard #1: Whatever! Just go! Mittens: [from his carrier] Felna can outstare a goldfish, you know. [The family boards the plane, putting their carry-on luggage in the overhead compartment. After the commercial break, they arrive at Tokyo international airport.] Diane: We're supposed to get our luggage over there. [They walk over to one of the spinning luggage thingies that I don't know what it's called, and see a single soccer ball going around and around, and around sixty other people watching it. In the background, barely visible, some MiBs are escorting a man in a Hawaiian shirt with frizzy hair.] Jeff: Uh oh. [Briefly cut to a scene of the people of a small planet somewhere in the vicinity of Orion's Belt looking through the Foster family's luggage in wonder.] Amy: D'you think our luggage got lost? Anne: Undoubtedly. Ada: Lost? Anne: It happens. Ada: [frowns] And I liked that outfit... Bob: Well, no use crying over spilled milk. Let's go get our rental car. [The family finds themselves in a white Japanese family van, which is preturnaturally cramped.] Bob: Now, let's see if I can reach the ignition... [After a few hours of driving around, they are lost. Totally, thoroughly lost.] Anne: Face it, we're lost. Even the author says so. Jeff: I forgot how awful these streets are. No signs anywhere. Amy: Well, why don't we stop and get something to eat. There's a cafe over there. [The family squeezes out of the van, and into the cafe. The waitress bows and greets them in Japanese.] Waitress: Anne: Waitress: Anne: [nods] Waitress: [she leads them to a table, and they sit down] [After the waitress takes their orders, they sit, waiting. After a short while, a Japanese man and his son (around 7 years old) walks up to their table.] Man: He want hear you speak. [Before anyone can say anything, Anne motions for the family to stop.] Anne: Man: [scratching the back of his neck] Anne: [Defeated, he and his son walk away.] Ada: What was that all about? Jeff: That's right. Japanese have some pretty strange ideas about Americans sometimes. [The waitress sets down their food.] Amy: Well, what're we going to do now, anyway? Felna: Ask directions? Mittens: Whatever you do, give ME something to eat! [Amy lets Mittens have some of her chicken.] Anne: [to waitress] Waitress: [walks up to table] Anne: Waitress: [sweat drop] [About half an hour later, the Waitress returns to the table, with a detailed map, including illustrated landmarks, showing the way from the cafe to the temple, with places of interest along the way noted down as well.] Anne: Waitress: [The family is leaving, when the waitress runs up to them.] Waitress: Anne: [to Bob] I told you, they don't do tipping here. [to Waitress] [They finally depart, making their way through the landscape which features, amongst other things, every manner of shop imaginable, innumerable pachinko parlors, a row of virtually identical ramen shops, Tokyo tower, a small matsuri (festival), vending machines, and always, people everywhere. As they drive along, a salaryman yells at them.] Salaryman: This is a pen! Anne: Omae wa baka da! [ALL of the Japanese within earshot turn and stare.] Amy: That wasn't very nice. Ada: What'd she say? Anne: I called him an idiot. Which he is. [A few of the people around the salaryman are variously encouraging and discouraging him. Enraged, he puts on a red headband, and marches towards the slow-moving car.] Jeff: Um... Guys. Salaryman: Amy: Anne: Amy: What're you doing!? Anne: [to Salaryman] Salaryman: Anne: Dad, stop the car. Bob: Do you think that's really a good id-- Oh, all right. [The car stops, and Anne hops out to confront the man.] Salaryman: Anne: Onlookers: Salaryman: [There is a brief fighting game style shot, with Anne on one side and the salaryman on the other, and it says, "ANNE VS TANAKA" on the bottom of the screen. After the commercial break, the two of them are in a tense face-off, though nothing has actually happened yet.] Amy: There she goes again. Jeff: Yeah. No use trying to talk sense into her at this point. Ada: Do you think she'll get hurt? Jeff: Not a chance. Unless the police have a hard time apprehending her or something. [The Salaryman moves first, swinging his suitcase at Anne. She ducks it, and punches him in the gut. He falls to the ground.] Teenaged Guy #2: Teenaged Girl #3: [grabs him by the ear] Anne: [bows to the unconscious salaryman] Have a nice nap. [hops back into the car] Okay, let's go. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Episode #20: Legend of the Accursed Bonsai [Open on a scene of the tiny van parked at the base of a long stone stairway (think of the Masaki Shrine from Tenchi Muyo!). Pan up to the top of the stairs, where the family, a little out of breath, has just arrived. Great Grandpa Akio, an elderly but dignified Japanese man, dressed in a kendo outfit (navy-blue hakama and a black shirt).] Akio: Why, you've arrived at last! [Diane runs up and gives him a hug.] Diane: It's good to see you! How've you been? Akio: I've been well. [surveys the family] And I see we have some that I haven't yet met before... Bob: [motions to Ada] This is Ada; she's the Second Crown Princess of the Nwei Empire -- *and* Jeff's fiancee. Akio: [raises an eyebrow] And I'd been worried about him being too shy with women... Anne: [glances at Jeff, who is blushing] Oh, you can still worry. Ada: [motions to Felna] And this is Felna, my bioroid. Akio: It's a pleasure to meet both of you. But let's go inside. [He leads the way inside of his small house, which is very much in the traditional Japanese style, except for the Aiwa home theater system. They sit down around a table, and Amy lets Mittens out of the carrier -- he immediately hops up on the TV.] Mittens: Much better. Akio: I wasn't aware your cat could talk. Mittens: Only happened a couple months ago. Akio: I take it things have been rather... interesting for you lately, eh? Jeff: You could say that. Akio: Let me get you all some tea. [he stands up and leaves the room] Felna: What an unusual man. Amy: That's our great-grandpa. He's really... traditional, but he knows what he's doing. Akio: [returning with a kettle and cups] Here you go. [he begins pouring tea for everyone] Amy, Anne, I need to talk to you. [The two of them immediately stand up and walk with him into another room.] Ada: What was that all about? Jeff: [shrugs] They get along with great-grandpa Akio better than any of the rest of us. [he stands up, and looks around the room, then motions to the home theater system] Though he's been steadily getting less and less traditional lately. Mittens: True. [Jeff pauses, looking at a bonsai that sits on a small table next to the phone. He lightly touches its miniscule branches. Suddenly, a wave of blue light flies out in all directions from the bonsai. Akio, Amy, and Anne race into the room.] Akio: This is... not good. Diane: What is it? Akio: The accursed bonsai. Anne: If it's so accursed, why's it next to the phone? [A deserpate pained, moaning sound fills the room.] Voice: Amy: A g-ghost? Akio: [nods] Yes. Some time ago, a couple was married. The woman loved bonsai, and it became her favorite pastime, but she was tragically killed. Now she haunts the last bonsai she cared for. Voice: Anne: Um... How long ago was this? Akio: Oh, five years or so. [There is another burst of light, and a ghostly Japanese woman in her early twenties, wearing a rather pretty dress, appears.] Woman: [looking at Jeff] Jeff: M-me? Woman: Jeff: But... I'm not Ichiro! I'm not even Japanese... Okay, I'm one _eighth_ Japanese, but that's all! Woman: Oh... Ichiro... [she looms closer] Jeff: I told you... Oh hell! [he makes a run for it] Woman: [she seems to be becoming angry] Akio: Chikusho. [The ghost woman soars after Jeff, and Akio, Amy, and Anne take after her. Akio pulls out a bokken from somewhere or other, while Amy and Anne do their usual transformation.] Amy & Anne: Celestial Transformation Begin! [Outside, Jeff has found himself cornered by the ghost.] Jeff: Come on! I know you might've had a difficult life and it's a big tradgedy and all that, but *I* had nothing to do with it! I just want to keep track of my comics and lead a normal life and... Hello? Woman: [She begins to glow red.] Jeff: I don't wanna' die! Come on! What's your problem?! I can't even speak Japanese! Woman: P. Sun: Hold it right there! I am Pretty Sun, Defender of Love! P. Moon: And I am Pretty Moon, Defender of Justice! [The woman turns to face them, the red glow intensifying.] P. Sun: Get away from him! P. Moon: Before we do something you'll regret! [Enraged, she points one hand at them. A stream of red energy flied out, plastering the Celestial Pair to the wall.] Jeff: Oh, jeez... So much for being recued. [Cut to the rest of the family, watching from inside.] Ada: Shouldn't we do something? Diane: Yes, but I don't know what... Mittens: [hops off the TV] I have an idea... I hope this works. [Back outside, the ghost looms closer to Jeff.] Woman: Boy: I'm right here! [Everyone turns to see a little boy, about ten years old. He wears a t-shirt and overalls, and has two pointed, furry ears growing out of the top of his head. Cute beyond belief, as you might imagine.] Woman: [smiles] Boy: Um... Yes! Of course, mama! Woman: Boy: Every day, mama. Amy: [picking herself up] What's...? Anne: That's... Mittens! Akio: It seems that your cat is far more than meets the eye. Woman: Mittens: I'll try my best, for you! Woman: [she fades away] Mittens: WOW. I didn't think that would work. Jeff: I'm just glad it's over. [After the commercial break, Jeff and Akio are sitting outside, talking. Akio is drinking tea.] Jeff: What did you want to talk to me about, anyway? Akio: I can see great potential in you, Jeff. This family has been blessed by great power. Jeff: Well, I know about my sisters, but I thought they were the only ones... Akio: No, by no means. There is your cousin, Rex, whom I have trained myself. Jeff: Rex? You're kidding, right? Akio: No. Even your parents have great power within them. Jeff: MY parents? Now I *know* you're making this up. Akio: [frowns] In time, you will see that I am correct. And you may yet prove to be the greatest yet, *if* you are trained properly. Jeff: Well... I have started learning kung fu. Akio: [raises an eyebrow] Really? [stands up] Show me what you've learned. Attack me. Jeff: No way! One of the things I already knew that the sifu made sure I wouldn't ever forget was not to attack old men who've been practicing the martial arts most of their lives. Akio: [smiles] Indeed. [he looks at the pattern of leaves in the bottom of his teacup] You walk with the weight of the world on your shoulders. Jeff: You could say that. If I don't marry Ada, the Kaio will take over the planet and rip it to shreds. Akio: You will know what you must do. For now, learn the way of the sword, and be ready for whatever might come your way. Amy: [in the distance] Jeff! Come on! We have to get going! [Jeff and Akio stand up, and walk outside, to the front of the house, where the rest of the family is assembled.] Akio: [walking up to Ada] Take good care of Jeff for me, alright? Ada: I will! [Akio hugs each of the family members in turn, except for Bob, whose hand he shakes. Finally, the family starts down the stairs.] Ada: That was neat. Anne: He's a cool guy once you get to know him. Wierd as hell, but cool. Voice: Oi! Wait for me! [Everyone turns around to see a small, humanoid crow, wearing a traditional Japanese outfit, complete with a tiny katana, hovering at eye level, supported by his tiny wings.] Anne: What the hell? Wait! I remember you! Karasuo, right? Karasuo: The same. Amy: Not you... You're not coming with us, are you? Karasuo: Akio wanted me to keep an eye on you guys, and I'm going to! Especiall you, Jeff! Jeff: Why me?! Karasuo: I don't know... Akio said to. Ada: Um... What *are* you, anyway? Karasuo: A karasutengu, of course. Amy: An annoying little bird guy with magic powers. Lucky for us, Karasuo still doesn't know how to use his magic right. Karasuo: Oh yeah!? Watch this! [a blue glow appears around each of his hands] RAIJIN-HA! [Karasuo is struck by lightning] Ouch. Anne: Same as always. Little bastard. Diane: Um... yes... Well... Let's get going, shall we? Interesting Times Extra Theater #10 The Coming Storm: Comic ConFusion Approaches! [Jeff is standing in his room, basking in the glow of his comics.] Karasuo: You're really into manga aren't you? Jeff: You could say that. And if you touch any of these, you'll die a slow and painful death. Karasuo: ... I doubt that. Mittens: [little boy form, poking his head through the door] Then you never heard about what happened to... oh, what's his name? Karasuo: Um... Never mind. Ada: [who is lying on the floor] And you have that convention coming up soon too, right? Jeff: [maniacal grin] Only two more weeks! [makes a fist in determination] And then I will be crowned, named the greatest comic collector in the WORLD! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAA!!!!!!!!! Ada: A-are you feeling allright, Jeff? Jeff: Never better! ------------------------------------------------------------------ Episode #21: Comic ConFusion! A Fight to the Finish! [We open on a scene of Jeff, Ada, and Mittens (humanoid form) waiting in line for registration. Karasuo is also there, sitting on Jeff's shoulder. At the improvised counter is a number of "weasels" (that being the term occasionally used for registration volunteers -- as they are related to gophers), as well as the Weasel Lord, who is actually dressed in an elaborate weasel costume.] Jeff: I don't care if you guys tag along, but do NOT get in my way. This is serious stuff for me. Karasuo: Whatever. Only a human... [After a short while, they reach the front of the line.] Weasel Lord: Names? Jeff: Jeff Foster. Ada: Um, Ada Gin. Weasel Lord: Ah, Jeff Foster! We've been expecting you! Jeff: [grins] Naturally. Weasel Lord: You're one of the fan guests of honor! Here. [he hands Jeff a badge, then gives a less elaborate one to Ada.] Now, about the bird? Jeff: My... um... pet. Weasel Lord: Um... [Karasuo scowls and rests a hand on his sword hilt.] Weasel Lord: Whatever you say. And the kid? Jeff: My little brother, sorta'. 8 and under gets in free, right? Weasel Lord: Right. Okay, have fun! [Jeff turns to leave and bumps into someone dressed in black.] Inklord: Jeff Foster! So good to see you! Jeff: What do you want? Inklord: I look forward to our battle -- our greatest battle, for the title of greatest comic collector. Jeff: So do I. 'Cause I intend to win. Inklord: I would expect nothing less. You have been a worthy adversary, and I hope you will continue to be so. [with a flourish of his cape, the Inklord leaves] Ada: Wow... Jeff: Okay, let's go. The dealer's room opens in ten minutes. [he starts off down a hallway, and Ada and Mittens have to run to keep up.] Mittens: Jeff, wait up! Jeff: I told you, I can't slow down for you guys! This is SERIOUS! [He stops in front of the few dealer's tables that are outside of the dealers room, and already open. He walks up to one.] Guy*: Well, if it isn't Jeff Foster! I've heard a lot about you. {*That being what his badge claims his name is.} Jeff: [looking through his selection of comics] Um, yeah. I get that a lot at comics cons. Guy: See anything you like? Jeff: [sets down a stack of some twenty comic books] A little. Guy: Whoah! Okay, lemee figure out how much this'll be... [A news reporter and cameraman walk down the hall.] Reporter: This is Karen Tanaka here, on location at Comic ConFusion '98. This is the largest comics convention in the tri-state area, and-- Look! It's Jeff Foster! Excuse me! Jeff: Hm? Reporter: Jeff, if you don't mind my asking, what're you doing here? Jeff: Well... Collecting comics. Reporter: And you brought your fiancee as well. Ada: Hi there! Is this going to be on TV? Jeff: Ada insisted on coming. Why should I argue? [pauses looks at watch] Reporter: I see... Um... [Suddenly, the doors to the dealer's room swing open -- Jeff immediately joins the charge. Karasuo hangs on for dear life, then finally lets go and flies upwards. Mittens and Ada watch from where they're standing, outside.] Reporter: Ahem. Mittens: Ah, he's always like that. Reporter: And who might you be? Mittens: Just a cat. Reporter: [obviously not taking him seriously] Really? Mittens: Yup. A normal housecat gifted with vast supernatural powers. Wanna' know your future? Reporter: Um, allright, little boy. Mittens: ... Well... [closes his eyes, ears twitch, then he opens his eyes and looks at her evilly] You're going to be in great danger from somewhere you least expect it. Reporter: Um... That's... Oh, dear. [Mittens' eyes become more catlike, and he gives her a toothy grin.] Ada: Mittens, stop that. You're scaring the nice lady. [Meanwhile, inside the dealer's room, Jeff is flying along at a franetic pace. Meanwhile, in the light fixtures above, the Inklord watches.] Inklord: The time draws near. Prepare yourself, Jeff Foster. [Suddenly, a grappling hook flies out, striking one wall. The Inklord jumps from his hiding place, swings down, and lands right in front of Jeff.] Inklord: I claim that graphic novel! Jeff: Oh, no you don't! HA! [Jeff whips out his throwing dice, and hurls them. They rebound and the Inklord just barely dodges them.] Inklord: Don't think I'll fall for that again! INK SPRAY! [he pulls a gun, and fires a jet of ink. Jeff rolls out of the way and comes to his feet] Hmm... You've improved! Jeff: That's the ancient art of kung fu! [he takes up a mantis stance] [A crowd of onlookers begins to gather. The reporter manages to make her way to the two combatants.] Reporter: Excuse me! What exactly is going on here? Inklord: A battle of honor, my dear lady! I would thank you not to interrupt! [the Inklord takes up some sort of fighting stance] [There is a quick freeze-frame, with Jeff and the Inklord facing off against a flaming background, and "INKLORD vs JEFF" emblazoned along the bottom of the screen. After the commercial break (with a crack of thunder), they dive into a furious hand-to-hand battle.] Reporter: This is just unbelievable! Two of the fans have gotten into a fight over a comic book! They're really going at it! Guy: Where've you been? Those two do that all the time. They're legends of the comic book world -- Jeff and the Inklord. Reporter: And how long has this been going on? Guy: Around six months now. If you know where to go, you can get videos of their better fights. Jeff: Fine then! Take this! Inklord: Ha! Take that! Ada: Jeff, are you done yet? Jeff: [foot sweeps the Inklord] Um... Sure. [he buys the comic book and walks over to Ada] Yeah? Ada: I was just getting a little hungry is all. Jeff: [handing her some money] Here. I have some stuff to take care of. I'll see you later. [Later on, Ada and Mittens are eating at the hotel's cafe.] Ada: I've never seen him like this before! Mittens: That makes two of us. He's even more flipped out than usual. Ada: Do you think I should be worried? Karasuo: Probably not. Humans do that sort of thing now and then. You just have to get used to it. Mittens: They're a strange species allright. [The waiter sets down some plates of food in front of them, then beats a hasty retreat.] Waiter: [muttering] This is almost as bad as when Sefiro worked here... Ada: [opens up a program guide] Hmm... What is there for us to do here? Karasuo: There's an anime showing... Mittens: You like anime? Karasuo: Uh... Some... [Elsewhere, Jeff is prowling down a corridor. Suddenly, a guy in a trench coat jumps out from behind a corner.] Vladimir: And who might you be? Jeff: [pointing at his name tag] Jeff Foster. Vladimir: No, I mean in game... Oh, you're not in the LARP, are you? Jeff: [shakes his head] Um, no. You wouldn't happen to know where the Undead Anonymous party is, though, would you? Vladimir: Of course. Just go up to the third floor; room 327. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm almost out of blood points. [A short while later, Jeff stands in front of the door to room 327. He knocks. After a moment, the door is opened by a goth woman, complete with pallid makeup (if that's indeed what it is), all black clothes, piercings, and so forth.] Shard: Yeah? Jeff: Um, I'm looking for someone called Dracul. Shard: [looks at his badge] Okay. Come in, otaku. [Jeff walks into the room, which has somehow been redecorated to look rather like a midieval castle, complete with cobwebs, stone walls, and a TV/VCR, which appears to be playing Forever Knight.] Shard: Dracul? [A man wearing a mass of torn, faded leather garments, with artificial fangs, stands up.] Dracul: There you are. You're late. Jeff: Took a while to track you guys down. Do you have it? Dracul: Do you? Jeff: Of course. Dracul: Same here. [Jeff opens his backpack. Dracul reaches into his jacket. They each reach out tentatively with one hand, and snatch what the other is holding. Jeff receives a couple of obscure gothic-punk comics, while Vlad gets a VHS tape.] Jeff: Enjoy. [puts away the comics, starts for the door] Dracul: A pleasure as always, Jeff. [Jeff leaves, and strides down the corridor.] Jeff: [to himself] Only a few more wackos left to go... [A bit later... Jeff is walking away from a hotel room full of anthropomorphics fans, including the Weasel Lord, holding a few issues of Albedo, Furrlough, and others, when a woman runs up to him.] Phoenix: Hey! Jeff! Jeff: [putting the comics away in his now overloaded backpack] Hmm? Phoenix: You need to be at the big show soon. Jeff: What's that? Phoenix: The Main Event. If you want to keep the Title, you HAVE to be there. The Inklord sure will be. Jeff: [frowns] And why the _hell_ wasn't I told about this? Phoenix: Weasel Lord was supposed to... [she walks over to the hotel room, opens the door] WEASEL! Why didn't you tell Foster about the Main Event?! We've been planning this for months! Weasel Lord: Well... Um... That is... Phoenix: Never mind. I'll skin you later. Or maybe I'll just get out the pinking shears. Weasel Lord: Phoenix: [to Jeff] Come on. [strides off down the hall] Jeff: [following] What *are* pinking shears? [After the commercial break; Jeff and the Inklord stand opposite one another on a stage, in front of a massive crowd of convention goers.] Reporter: This was described as the Main Event in the convention program! Jeff Foster and the Inklord, whose rivalry in comics collecting has become legendary. The people I've spoken to have told us about incredible duels, both of wits and martial prowess, many of which have been videotaped and sold. I have here with me Nate McPherson, who runs the comic store most often patronized by the two of them. [The camera covers her and Nate] Nate: Yo. Reporter: Am I to understand that you've been videotaping these duels and _selling_ the tapes? Nate: Well, I hadn't intended to, but I was just looking over the security tapes after their first one, way back from Episode 2, and some guy walked up and asked me how much it would be for a copy. And it just sort of expanded from there. If the two of them don't have any objections, I'm going to be looking for national, or even international distribution, pay-per-view, and who knows? Reporter: You heard it right here, folks! Now, let's see how this epic confrontation turns out. [Phoenix strides out onto the stage, dressed up like a referee for a boxing match. A boom mic descends from above.] Phoenix: In this corner, weighing in at 165 pounds, Jeff Foster, reigning champion! And in this corner, weighing in at 264 pound, the challenger, the Mysterious Inklord! [The crowd cheers.] Phoenix: The duel will be carried out in two stages. Part One is a trivia contest, best of forty-two questions. Part Two is the knock-down drag-out you've all been waiting for! We'll start Part One now, and out guest Judges, Dyna-Woman and Dr. F will begin asking the questions! [Pan over to a table where the superbeings in question sit, occasionally glaring at one another. They turn to the camera and wave.] Phoenix: We'll take turns asking questions. The one who has the most right answers wins this part! Dyna-Woman: Let's see, citizens... Question One, for the Inklord. Name the Ninth Star Knight. Inklord: Binky, of course. [A board lights up, with a "1" below the Inklord's name.] Dr. F: Foster, which band played the main theme for the Arachnoid television series. Jeff: Guns & Knives. ONE HOUR LATER [The sign reads Jeff Foster: 20, Inklord: 19.] Dyna-Woman: Alright, Jeff, name Dr. F's now missing pet rabbit. Usagi-26: Can't you guys leave well enough alone?! Dr. F: She isn't missing. Just... different. Jeff: Well, she *used* to be named Flopsy. [Jeff's score goes up to 21.] Dr. F: Inklord. How old was Dr. Z at the conclusion of The Curse of Arachnoid? Inklord: [glaring at Jeff] Sixty-four. Phoenix: It looks like Jeff is the winner! Now, for the part I know you all really came here to see! [The crowd cheers.] Reporter: You heard it here! Jeff Foster has won the Trivia contest by one point, after the Inklord missed the question about the Shawn The Movie Soundtrack, and now the contest goes into its second part, an actual fight! Phoenix: Make it clean, guys! Last one standing! FIGHT! [Jeff and the Inklord circle one another, each looking for an opening. Jeff pulls out an energy sword of Nwei manufacture.] Jeff: For old time's sake? Inklord: [pulls out a lightsaber] Very well. [The two of them circle once more, then charge at one another, exchanging blows fast and furious, making Luke and Darth look like Stan and Ollie. The crowd goes wild and the lightning-fast melee continues, complete with backflips and such.] Inklord: I see you've found yourself a new light saber. Jeff: Marrying a Nwei has its priviliges. [More strikes and parries.] Inklord: But now the time has come to end this! INK RAGE! [The Inklord charges forward, unleashing a flurry of blows. Jeff's sword is knocked out of his hand, and lands on the ground, deactivating.] Jeff: I sure could use some Force powers about now. Inklord: [pointing the lightsaber at his throat] Do you surrender? Jeff: [scowls] Yes. Reporter: What a fight! I've never seen anything like it! But now the two combatants are tied, for the greatest honor of the comics world. How will this be resolved?! Phoenix: Looks like we have a tie! So, it's time for the tie-breaker! We'll do either a trivia face-off or another fight, whatever you guys want! [There's a lot of yelling and such, then a chant emerges amid the chaos.] Crowd: Fight! Fight! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!! FIGHT!! Phoenix: Okay, looks like you guys are all violent maniacs! A fight it is! Jeff & Inklord: ANOTHER ONE? Phoenix: [to J&I] Hey, it's what the people want. Jeff: Must we? Phoenix: If you don't you both lose out. And someone else gets the Uchuu no Akuma. J&I: THE WHAT?! Phoenix: A manga from feudal Japan. Now, _that's_ a collector's item. Drawn by Hokusai himself, you know. [Jeff and the Inklord look at one another with intense determination.] Inklord: It seems the stakes have risen, young Foster. Jeff: Fine, then! [Down in the audience, the Weasel Lord is talking to the reporter.] Weasel Lord: They have good reason to! The prize is the Uchuu no Akuma! Reporter: The... what? Weasel Lord: [hands her an ancient Japanese scroll] That. A manga from feudal Japan, drawn by Hokusai. One of the greatest legends of the world of comics! Reporter: [looking at the manga] Space-Devil? Weasel Lord: Well, you'd better not hold it too long. It's said to be-- [A massive Totoro doll falls on top of the reporter, pinning her to the ground.] Weasel Lord: Cursed. [helps her out from under then thing] Reporter: Probably just a coincicdence, right? [An anvil strikes the ground mere inches from where she's standing.] Weasel Lord: [looking up, taking the manga from her hands] Like I said. But who the hell's doing that? [Back up on the stage, Jeff and the Inklord face off, but aren't actually doing anything.] Phoenix: What's wrong guys? Inklord: What sort of fight should we have? Phoenix: [sighs] Can't you just brawl or something? Jeff: Oh, come on. Half the reason I put up with this stuff is for the variety! Phoenix: Alright. Back in a sec. [After the commercial break, J&I are fully outfitted with nerf weaponry.] Jeff: [tapping himself on the head with a foam bat] That was original. Phoenix: You should see our meetings. Reporter: [looking up nervously] And it appears they're finally ready to start a second fight, this time using... nerf? Phoenix: [to audience] Okay! A fight to the finish! GO! [The two combatants dive into a fantastic battle of foam fury. Poofballs, footballs, and other foam rubber objects fly between the two at speed beyond belief, complete with fully automatic fire and laser targeting. After various scenes of them leaping dodging, and shooting, they move in for close combat, using nerf bats. Suddenly, the Inklord knock's Jeff's bat away.] Inklord: Now I have you! Victory will be MINE!!!!! Jeff: Oh yeah?! [he pulls out a squeaky mallet, and charges at the Inklord] HAAAA!!!!!! [Time seems to slow down as Jeff comes nearer and nearer...] Inklord: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! [Time returns to normal as Jeff unleashes a furious storm of squeaky blows on his opponent. The Inklord hits the ground in slow motion, with a massive thumping noise.] Phoenix: THE WINNER AND GRAND CHAMPION COMICS COLLECTOR OF THE WORLD!!! JEFF FOSTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Later on, Jeff is holding the Uchuu no Akuma and talking to the Reporter.] Reporter: So, how do you feel about your victory? Jeff: ... Ecstatic. I mean, I think I knew I would win, but for it to actually happen... WOW. Ada: I'm so proud of you, Jeff! Reporter: What's next for you, then? Jeff: Um... well, school starts next month. Ada: And I'm going with him this time! Reporter: Well, you heard it here. This convention has been a truly unique experience for me, and I look forward to covering it next year. Sort of. For channel 42 news, this is Karen Tanaka signing off. Interesting Times Extra Theater #11: Read Our Second Movie! [Men in blue trenchcoats walk out of the Foster house, carrying boxes.] Narrator #2: Comic books are the thing that Jeff Foster holds most dear. [The camera view moves closer and closer to these mysterious visitors, and then on one of the boxes, which is full of...] Narrator #2: And now, someone has dared to take them from him. {BGM: Rapidly rising flourish of violins} [...comic books. Jeff arrives home to a room devoid of comics.] Narrator #2: But he's not going to take it lying down! {BGM: NIN, "last" (broken, track 3)} [Slowly pan up from his feet to his head as Jeff steps out of his room suited up with a bunch of Ada's weaponry. Then there is a series of clips; Jeff kicks down a door, Jeff holds the Inklord by the lapels against a wall,] Narrator #2: And this time, he'll need all the help he can get. [Jeff and the Inklord shake hands. They emerge from the garage, both suited up, They engage the men in blue in hand to hand combat,] Narrator #2: The unimaginable has happened... [Jeff and the Inklord face off with the the apparent leader of the strange men,] Narrator #2: And the time for revenge is drawing near. [As last time, metallic, computer generated titles slam down from above.] INTERESTING TIMES MOVIE 2 COMING SOON THIS FANFIC IS NOT YET RATED ------------------------------------------------------------------ Ewen "Blackbird" Cluney blackbird@blackbird.nu Blackbird's Domain http://www.blackbird.nu/ The Official Thrash Home Page http://thrash.blackbird.nu/ Knight Kevlar of the Immortal Frog Silver Knight of Mihoshi "Be nice to me; I might just develop psychokinetic powers and destroy Tokyo!" ------------------------------------------------------------------