Interesting Times Part 2 Episodes 8-14 by Ewen "Blackbird" Cluney Interesting Times Episode #8: The Big Dance Everyone Wanted to Attend [It is a typical afternoon; class has just gotten out, and Jeff, Pao-Gui, and Iggy walk down the hall.] Iggy: Are you going to the dance tonight? Jeff: Can you think of a way to keep Ada busy long enough for me to be able to ask... Iggy: [grins] Her...? [He points to a girl who is walking down the same hallway, several yards down. She has shoulder-length light brown hair, and is wearing jeans and an "Animaniacs" t-shirt. She stops, and turns around. Jeff turns bright red. She smiles, and walks towards them.] Iggy: Hey Silvie. What's up? Silvie: [to Pao-Gui] How you doing? Pao-Gui: [nervously] Um, okay. Silvie: Are you going to the dance tonight? Pao-Gui: Well, I wasn't planning on... Silvie: Well, let me know. [cute smile, then she walks away] Jeff: I _don't_ believe it. Iggy: Just wait till you hear who did the same thing to me. Jeff: [frowns] I'm not sure I want to know, but... Iggy: Janice. [Pao-Gui jumps a little.] Jeff: I would've rather remained ignorant. [Cut to another hall, where Amy and Anne are walking.] Amy: I home that Rick will ask me to the dance! Anne: No way. Me. No question. Amy: What're you talking about? You're way too angst-ridden and not cute for that! Anne: What the hell are you--! [They stop short when the realize that Rick, a debonair, handsome sort, is standing in front of them.] Amy & Anne: Hi, Rick! Rick: Um, hi there... Amy & Anne: Are you going to the dance tonight? [to each other] Hey! Stop that! Rick: Well, I was planning on... Amy & Anne: Who're you going with? Rick: Well, I was thinking of asking-- Amy & Anne: Me? Rick: [sigh] You're not making this any easier. How am I supposed to choose one of the two prettiest girls in the entire school? Don't take this the wrong way, but would you both be willing to come with me? Amy Voice Over: Well, I'll never be able to get rid of Anne anyway... Anne Voice Over: Damn. I'll never be able to get rid of Amy. Might as well. Amy & Anne: Okay. Rick: Allright then. I'll come by your place around six o'clock. [he heads off down the hall] Amy & Anne: Yes! [Back at the Foster residence, in Jeff's room. Pao-Gui is reading an ancient Chinese scroll.] Jeff: So you're not going? Pao-Gui: [shakes his head] I have too many things that need to be attended to. Jeff: Oh, come on. You can leave your potions for one night! Pao-Gui: Not if you want the house to still be here when we return. Ada: [entering the room] He's not going where? Pao-Gui: To the dance tonight. Ada: Dance? What's a dance? Jeff: [sighs] It's a... social gathering. People get together and spend the evening dancing to music. Ada: [big, cute eyes] Really?! Will you take me to the dance? Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!??! Jeff: [sighs] Oh...... all right. Ada: Yay! [That night, at the school's gym. Mists hover in the sky, covering up a crescent moon. Music can be faintly heard. Pan down to the parking lot. Bob waves goodbye from the van as Jeff and Ada head towards the gym. Rick pulls up in a black BMW and steps out. He is wearing a tuxedo, and Amy and Anne, on either side of him, are wearing yellow and gray dresses respectively. Further off, Janice pulls up in her Saturn, and she and Iggy step out. Cut to shortly later; all of them, along with many other people are in the gym. Angry Chair by Alice In Chains is playing.] Janice: [to Jeff] Hey, where's Pao-Gui? Jeff: He had some stuff to take care of at home. Janice: Gee, Sylvie's gonna' be disappointed. Amy: Jeff! I didn't know you were coming! Ada: Jeff brought me to the dance! [glomps Jeff and giggles] Rick: [to Anne] He's your brother? Anne: Yes, of course! Mr. Chen: I hope you are all behaving! [They all spin around -- Mr. Chen is wearing a dark suit, and looms over them ominously, which is no mean feat, given that he's less than 5 feet tall.] Jeff: Of course! ... What are you doing here? Mr. Chen: Any event such as this requires adult supervision! Now! HAVE A-- I mean, have a... nice time... [he walks away] Iggy: Wow. Anne: I didn't think he was capable of being nice. Must've been pretty difficult for him. [The song ends, and the DJ puts on Down, by Cracker. Over the course of the song we get to watch a Urusei Yatsura style dancing scene. When that finally ends, cut to outside, where Iggy and Janice are taking a walk.] Janice: Where did you learn to dance? Iggy: Um... From my uncle Guy. Janice: Your "uncle guy"? Iggy: No, no; his name is Guy, like that character from Final Fight. My uncle's a biker and a street fighter. Janice: [sighs] Doesn't the moon look beautiful? Iggy: [suddenly nervous] The... the moon? Janice: Look. [she grabs the back of his neck and redirects his head to look at the moon] Iggy: [gazes at the quarter crescent] Um... Yeagh. Janice: What did you say? Iggy: Hdfgdwfh... Gwardhgph... Janice: What?! Iggy: Qwertyuiop.... Asdfghjkl... Zxcvbnm... [Iggy's eyes go blank, losing their natural reflectiveness in that certain way that only happens to anime characters when something really wonky is going on in their head.] Janice: Cut it out! What's your problem? [Iggy falls forward, breathing heavily. Cut to back inside. Rick is talking to Amy and Anne.] Rick: ...and that's how my dad's business became so big. [his watch beeps; he glances at it.] Oh, oops. Excuse me for a minute girls. I have to go check on something. [he slips away, vanishing into the crowd.] Amy: What do you suppose that was all about? Anne: No idea. [Suddenly, the lights go out and the music stops. A voice booms out in the darkness.] Voice: HAHAHAHA! It is I, Lord Eclipse! [suddenly a spotlight turns on, illuminating a figure clad in a black trenchcoat, black suit, and with a black mask covering his eyes.] Now, your energy will be mine! Anne: [quietly, to Amy] Let's do it. [Amy nods. They are about to transform, when suddenly a blood-curdling howl reverberates through the air. A few seconds later a number of screams can be heard, accompanied by canine snarling.] Mr. Chen: [faintly heard in background] This behavior is unacceptable! Eclipse: What? What the hell's going on? Mr. Chen: [still faint] You should not sabotage the electrical system and attempt to steal the life force energy of other students! You could very well get detention for this! [Suddenly, a humanoid wolf, some eight feet tall, leaps up from the crowd, landing right next to Eclipse. It looms over him, its jaws opening in a grin, revealing twin rows of gleaming razor-sharp teeth.] Eclipse: [gulp] This doesn't look good. [takes a step back] Fine then. [he pulls out a sword] SHADOW FOG! [Dark mists fill the darknened room. Everyone begins to collapse, including the werewolf.] Ada: [cough cough] What's he... doing...? Anne: He's trying to drain everyone's ki! Ada: Sleepy... [she lays down and starts snoring] Anne: [to Amy] Let's do it! Amy & Anne: Great Celestial Transformation Begin! [the usual transformation] Amy: I am Pretty Sun, Defender of Love! Anne: I am Pretty Moon, Defender of Justice! Eclipse: There you are! Welcome to my party! Amy: How dare you use this celebration for your own evil deeds! Anne: You won't get away with this! Eclipse: Who will stop me? You? [maniacal laughter] [The werewolf, though weakened, manages to swat Eclipse with one massive clawed hand, throwing him to the floor.] Amy & Anne: ULTIMATE SOLAR ACTIVATION! [Each of them holds their polearms high above their heads, and energy swirls around them, and then shoots at Eclipse, who simply vanishes upon being hit.] Anne: Take that, you jerk! Amy: We won! Jeff: [lying on the floor, barely awake] Yeah, [yawn] but what about the [yawn] werewolf? Amy: [gulp] Um, Anne... he has a point... [The werewolf looks down at them, confused. It makes a single leap, landing right in front of the Celestial Pair. Amy shivers as it looms closer. Suddenly, it sniffs them, and wags its tail.] Anne: Um, yeah. [she pets the werewolf on its head; it smiles] Good boy? Amy: Scared... Janice: [who has just now stepped in] I don't beleive this... Um... Let's see... Here boy! [The werewolf turns to her, then trots over. She strides out, and it follows. The Celestial Pair fade back to normal.] Amy: Well, let's get this party started again! [The DJ recovers, and puts on Hey Man Nice Shot (by Filter). The students begin to recover.] Interesting Times Extra Theater #5 The True Identity of the Werewolf! [Janice is in the driver's seat of her car. Iggy is next to her, his clothes looking rather like David Banner after turning into the Incredible Hulk.] Janice: What do you mean? You turned into an eight-foot tall furred killing machine! Iggy: Killing machine? I wouldn't hurt anyone! Janice: Well, you were still a werewolf. But I thought that only happened when the moon was _full_. Iggy: Well... See, that's the most *common* type of werebeast. There's around twenty-six distinct species of werewolf, actually. Janice: So you only change on the... Iggy: One quarter waning moon. It could be worse, though. Janice: What do you mean? Iggy: Well, there's worse things to change into at night. There's wererats, wereboard, werechickens, werekangaroos, wereclams, were-- Janice: Anyway. So this just runs in the family? Iggy: Um, yeah. It doesn't manifest 100% of the time, but we know its genetic. My great grandfather Talbain got killed by some monster hunter in 1893... Janice: Yeah, fascinating. So... where do you live exactly? Iggy: It's on HoundsHaven Way. Janice: [sighs] And the cross-street? Iggy: Um, Howling Boulevard. Janice: You're a real wierd guy, you know that? ------------------------------------------------------------------ Interesting Times by Ewen "Blackbird" Cluney Episode #9: Ame Visits: Ada's Violent Older Sister [It is a weekend. Jeff is watching TV on the couch, with Ada leaning against him.] Newscaster #1: Well, the motives of the Nwei Empire are unknown, and the fact of the matter is that there is only a single Nwei on the planet right now, that being Princess Ada. We know almost nothing about them, except that chances are they could easily destroy us. Newscaster #2: Quite true. The scientific community is also very interested in understanding the physiology of the Nwei, as well as their culture and so forth. Jeff: [to Ada] How is your physiology different from ours? Ada: Well... From what I saw in your biology book, we aren't all that different. Except that Nwei have two hearts instead of one, and a more developed nervous system. Jeff: And what about that crystal in your-- [Suddenly, there's a knock at the door. Jeff sighs, then gets up to answer it, followed by Ada. When he does, a woman in her mid-twenties, with shoulder-length green hair and a purple crystal in her forehead is standing there.] Ada: Big Sister! Ame: Hi there, Ada! How the twonk are you? [she throws a punch at Ada, who deftly parries it] Ada: I'm fine! I'm having a lot of fun here! Ame: [to Jeff] And you must be my future brother-in-law! Nice to meet you! [she holds out her hand to shake. Jeff gingerly takes it, and she backflips him.] Nice place, for such a backwater planet... [Jeff picks himself up and watches Ame stride into the living room.] Jeff: What's with her? Ada: Oh, that's right! Jeff: What's right? Ada: Well, she has this neuro-physical condition, we call it "karachian noruta." She sort of attacks people around her involuntarily. Jeff: "Karachian noruta"? Ada: The literal meaning is like... um... "friendly genocide." [Cut to back inside. Bob has just entered the living room.] Bob: Well hello there! I don't believe I've had the pleasure! Ame: I'm Ame, Ada's older sister. Bob: Well, it's nice to meet you! [He holds out his hand and she shakes it vigorously.] Ame: Likewise. Bob: That's a strong grip you have there! Reminds me of my father; he was in the army, you know. Ame: Oh, so there is some military background in your family! [She tries to foot sweep him, but he turns to pick up the remote control, moving just enough for her to miss.] Bob: Well, not much, but there were always a few. I'm a genetic scientist myself. Ame: Hmm. [she throws a punch, hits the wall when Bob settles down on the couch] Been many wars lately? Bob: Well, not really. It's been a long time since there was a full-scale conflict, though there always seems to be something going on in some country you've never heard of before, you know? [Ame lays down on the couch, attempting to bring her leg down on Bob's head as she does so. At the very last second, Bob gets up, her foot impacting harmlessly on the easy chair.] Bob: Why don't I get us something to drink. Fancy a nice, cool glass of orange juice? Ame: Orange ... juice? Bob: [chuckles] You'll see. [Cut back to Jeff and Ada, who look on in disbelief.] Ada: How's he doing that? Jeff: No idea. Ada: Maybe he has some kind of defensive equivalent of karachian noruta... Ame: [popping up in front of them suddenly] So! How're you two getting along? Ada: [smiling] Just fine! [moves her head to the side to avoid Ame's kick] Last week we went to the dance, and it was real exciting! Ame: Say, Ada, why don't we spar a little? It's been a while, you know. Ada: Okay! [Jeff watches and they head to the back yard. Each takes up a fighting stance, and they begin combat which makes Ken and Ryu look like the Three Stooges.] Jeff: Wow. Ame: You've improved, Ada! Ada: Thanks! Ame: Now let's get serious! [she whips out a pistol and Ada does the same.] Take this! [Jeff watches in amazement as Ame and Ada exchange laser blasts at lightning speed.] Bob: [Stepping out, holding a tray with four glasses of orange juice] So, how about some orange juice for y'all? [Ame and Ada abruptly stop, landing in front of Bob.] Ada: [taking a glass] Thank you, dad! Bob: You're welcome! [Jeff sighs, and reaches for a glass. Ame suddenly fires her pistol at him, and he falls to the ground.] Ada: Jeff! Ame: [looking at pistol] Did I do that? Ada: [annoyed] Yes! Just like you did my old boyfriend! [to Jeff] Are you alright? Ame: [scratches back of neck nervously] Well, don't worry, it was just a stunner. He shouldn't be out *too* long, right? Ada: Well, his constitution isn't quite as good as ours, so it could be a while! Ame: [snaps fingers] Of course! I know what we can do! [she pulls out another pistol] Ada: What are you thinking?! Ame: Relax, sis! This is a multi-blaster, it's capable of a thousand and one different effects. I'll just use the re- metabolizer ray to restore his nervous system to normal functioning. [she taps three digits into a keypad on the back of the gun.] Bob: You know, I always say you can never be too careful about firearms, or electronics. You'd better be sure you've got the right setting. Ame: Will you guys just calm down! I know exactly what I'm doing! Don't panic! [she fires the gun at Jeff] See! No problem! [Jeff lets out an agonized cry, and turns over onto his stomach.] Ada: "NO PROBLEM"?!?! Ame!! You always have to go and do something strange to anyone I like! Ame: I didn't mean to, honest! Ada: What about Kota?! Ame: He was a jerk! Ada: You're just impossible sometimes! [As they continue arguing, pan over to Jeff. He picks himself up, and immediately notices something different. For one thing, he has cleavage. That, combined with other details, small and large, lead to the conclusion that he is now female (and will be called Jeff-chan for reference).] Jeff-chan: What the-- [she stops short, realizing that her voice is different too] WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME!?!? [Ada and Ame stop short.] Ame: Okay, so it wasn't the re-metabolizer... Ada: You turned him into a girl? Ame: Looks like it. [She pulls out a book labeled "Multi- Blaster Alpha Operation Manual"] How about that, 690 _is_ the anima transmogrifier. Jeff-chan: What the hell is your problem!?!? Bob: Now calm down so-- uh, Je-- uh, how about a nice cool glass of O.J.? Ame: Don't worry! We'll sort this all out in no time. Beside, you make a cute girl. Jeff-chan: [sarcastically] That's a comforting thought. Besides the trauma of changing sex, I get to have guys making passes at me! Bob: Well, I'll leave you kids to your fun. I have to get to work on those pesky bills. [he steps inside, leaving the tray on the patio table] Ame: What's wrong with that? Ada: Don't you know anything about alien cultures? Nearly all Terrans are heterosexual! Ame: [looking at Jeff] Really? Jeff-chan: And that makes you guys what? Ame: A bit of both... Look at it this way, you two can still get married, at least. Jeff-chan: [looking at the sky] Why? Why can't I have a normal life? Ame: [smiles] Just cursed I guess. Ada: You are so insensitive sometimes! Ame: Look, it was an honest mistake. I just need to go over the manual some more and figure out what setting to use. It shouldn't take too long. And if that doesn't work I'll just get their tech support on the HyperComm. Ada: You're serious? Have you ever tried to get decent service from General Galaxy? It's a wonder dad hasn't annihilated their planet! Ame: That's exactly the sort of friendly persuasion you have to use to deal with them. Ada: Besides, what would using the same setting again do? Ame: Bad idea. It's an anima transmogrifier, not a switcher. It would make him more female, probably mentally this time, and it might not be possible to reverse the effect. Jeff-chan: At least I still have my comics. Ame: Well, I'll be in my ship for a while. Ada: Where's that? Ame: Well, there wasn't anywhere to park, so I had to go down the street a bit. Don't worry, you can't miss it. No matter what. Ada: You brought that corvette of yours, didn't you? Ame: Well, yeah. It gets good lightyearage, you know. Later! [she heads out] Jeff-chan: Why? Why me? Ada: [leaning her head against Jeff's shoulder] Don't worry. I'm sure Ame will be able to change you back. Jeff-chan: Meanwhile I have to be at school tomorrow. I don't think I could ever live that down. Pao-Gui: [poking his head through the sliding glass door] Excuse me, have you seen Jeff? Jeff-chan: That would be me. Pao-Gui: You crazy? Ada: It's true! My older sister Ame accidentally entered the wrong number into her multi-blaster and used the anima transmogrifier ray on him. Pao-Gui: So now he's a girl? This is pretty weird, even for you, Jeff. Jeff-chan: Tell me about it. Ada: Ame's trying to find a way to reverse the process, but it might take a while. Pao-Gui: Perhaps I can do something... Jeff-chan: You really think you're going to get me to quaff one of your stupid potions? Mittens still does her demonic form thing every other week! [In the distance the screams of the Celestial Pair and angry meowing can be heard.] Pao-Gui: That wasn't my fault! The potion wasn't even ready yet. Besides, an animus metamorphosis doesn't actually involve anything toxic, just natural herbs. Jeff-chan: Forget it. Right now I think I need to lie down. [she goes to take a step, and falls flat on her face] Ow. [she picks herself up and tries again, nearly but not quite falling over.] What the-- I can't balance myself quite right. Ada: This could be a problem. Narrator: Will Jeff be able to turn back into his old self? Or will he have to change careers and become a waitress to make ends meet? And will Ame give up her life as a warrior to become a poet? You'll have to wait for the next episode to find out the answer to the first question. The answers to the other questions are "no". Jeff-chan: Since when did we have a narrator on this show? Narrator: Since now! Since Samurai Pizza Cats was canceled I've had a hard time finding work, allright? [fade out] ------------------------------------------------------------------ Interesting Times by Ewen "Blackbird" Cluney Episode #10: Who Is the New Girl? An Interesting Day At School [Open on a view of the neighborhood, seen from high above.] Narrator: As dawn comes to the city and I get to become the new narrator on this show, our hero, uh, heroine, um... Anyway, Jeff is getting ready to go to school, fearful of what might happen now that Ame, Ada's involuntarily violent older sister, has accidentally transformed him into a girl. [Cut to Jeff's room. She is just putting on her backpack.] Jeff-chan: Mom, I really would rather not go to school like this! Diane: Now, now, Jeff. Don't worry, you'll be fine. Everyone knows you at school. [Jeff sighs, and steps out into the hallway.] Amy: Hi there... Jeff? What happened?! Jeff-chan: Look, it's a long story, and hopefully it's about ready for an epilogue. Amy: But are you a girl... you know, completely? Jeff-chan: Um, yeah. I would rather not discuss this. [Turns to leave, heading for the door. As she reaches the door, she looks out to the kitchen, where Ada is doing a handstand.] Jeff-chan: Bye, Ada. Ada: Bye Jeff! See you later! [Later on, in Mr. Chen's class.] Mr. Chen: [to Jeff] Excuse me miss! I do not believe we have met! Jeff-chan: Um, we have. I'm... I'm Jeff. Mr. Chen: And you have had a gender change operation?! This kind of subversive behavior--! Jeff-chan: This was _not_ by choice. It's all because of Ada's sister. Iggy: She has a sister? Guy #3: Does she have a boyfriend? Anne: I don't think so, and for good reason. Guy #3: What do you mean? Is she a...? Anne: Violent maniac? Yes. Very much so. Mr. Chen: SILENCE! We will now proceed with the lesson! Narrator: And as Mr. Chen proceeds to lecture on the Han Dynasty's influence on contemporary Korean embroidery, Jeff gradually realizes that he... she is being closely watched by many of the guys in the room. [After class, Jeff-chan walks out of the classroom. Rick pops up out of nowhere.] Rick: I don't believe we've met. I'm Rick. Jeff-chan: I _believe_ we have met, pinhead. Rick: [smiles] She has attitude; I like that in a girl... What's your name? Jeff-chan: JEFF FOSTER. Rick: Isn't that an odd name for a girl? Jeff-chan: [sarcastically] And what does that tell you? Rick: Whatever do you mean? Anne: Rick, please explain to me just why you're making a pass at my brother. Okay, so he's been transformed into a girl by his alien future sister-in-law, but-- Jeff-chan: [to Rick] But the only reason I tolerate your very existence is because my sisters like you so much. Your very presence makes my skin crawl. I have been under a lot of stress lately, so if you don't get the hell away from me I might do something you'll regret! Rick: So, Anne, how are you on this fine day? Iggy: Wow. Jeff-chan: That is exactly why I wanted to stay home! I never realized just how many of the guys at this school were such lechers! Iggy: So, what's the next class you have to suffer through? Jeff-chan: Oh no. Iggy: What? What is it? Jeff-chan: P.E. Iggy: Jeez. Nosebleed time either way. Jeff-chan: That's easy! I'll just change in the bathroom. But I've only managed to walk in this body without falling down. How the hell am I going to play badminton?! Narrator: As Jeff continues to struggle to make it through the day as a girl, meanwhile Ame is encountering difficulties of a different sort. [Cut to Ame, inside her ship, sitting in front of a communications console. On the screen are some multi-colored blob aliens, like the sort that often appear in UY.] Alien #1: Um, R&D lab number four? Ame: Hi. I'm Ame. *First crown princess of the Nwei Empire*. I need some help with my multi-blaster. Alien #2: Well, you should really talk to Customer Support about that, let me just trans-- Ame: NO! _They_ sent me here, because the one I have is a prototype! Alien #1: I see. Well, what's the model number? Ame: X-351/b. Alien #3: Lemme pull up the specs... [types on computer] Okay. Shoot. Ame: That's only if you can't help me. [The aliens give a collective .] Alien #2: Um, yeah. Well, describe your problem. Ame: Okay, I was trying to use the remetabolizer, so I entered 690, and it looks like I used the Anima Transmogrifier, on my future brother-in-law. Alien #1: But, you're Nwei, right? That sort of thing shouldn't matter-- Ame: Look, this guy -- well, he's a girl now -- isn't a Nwei, and this whole thing is proving to be really traumatic for him/her, on account of the society having such different expectations of male and female. Alien #2: Okay, okay! This shouldn't be too hard to fix, right guys? Alien #3: Well, ordinarily, no... Alien #1: [glances nervously at Ame] What do you mean? Alien #3: Well, the stroke b model was before we got the Animus Transmogrifier perfected, so... it doesn't have one. Ame: WHAT?! You'd better figure out something! Every day s/he's getting closer to going totally loony! Alien #2: Well, you could use the Anima beam again, that would at least let him adjust mentally... Alien #3: And make the transformation irreversible. Ame: So, what are you going to do? The Emperor won't be happy about this. Alien #1: Don't worry! We have the Animus Transmogrifier technology now, so it's just a matter of getting one to you and using it on him/her. Ame: And how do you intend to do that? Alien #3: Unfortunately, the stroke b was also before new modes could be incorporated by just downloading the energy matrix program from our mainframe... Alien #2: Well... Do you have an Automated Manufacturing Unit? Ame: Um... I have an auto-repair drone... Alien #1: Can we use that? Alien #3: Sure. We just need to give it the AMU's OS. Alien #1: Okay. I'm transmitting the AMU OS along with the construction program for our G-2 dual-function animus/anima transmogrification rifle. Just load the OS in your repair drone, and give it that program. Ame: Thank you. I guess we don't have to destroy Ixa. Alien #2: Um, yeah. Always glad to be of help. Computer: Data transfer complete. Alien #1: Good luck. Ame: You'd better hope so. [The screen goes blank. Cut back to school, in P.E. class. Jeff-chan is trying to play badminton; after several scenes of her missing wildly and falling over and such, the coach walks up to her.] Coach: Listen, missy, what is your problem?! You're as coordinated as an elephant on drugs! Jeff-chan: Sorry. I'm just... adjusting. I'm doing the best I can. Coach: Well, I can't write you up for that. But if you kill yourself I swear I'm gonna' shoot myself and come on after you. [Jeff nods and walks back into the court.] Amy: Why are you having so much trouble? Jeff-chan: I told you already! Like this I'm balanced totally differently-- [falls over, picks herself up] Anne: I can see that. Jeff-chan: I'm doing better than I was, though. [Back in Ame's spaceship, there is a knock at the door. Ame, who is watching the repair drone build her the rifle, stands up and goes to the hatch, then opens it. Before her is a police officer.] Cop: Excuse me, miss, but this is a no parking area. Ame: Oh? [cracks knuckles] Cop: I realize that you're... new here, but I have to ask that you respect our laws, and that includes not parking your... vehicle here. Ame: And where do you suggest I put it? [throws a punch at him, missing his head by mere inches.] Cop: What're you doing?! Am I going to have to write you up for assaulting an officer too? Ame: [looking at her fist] Oh, sorry. I sorta' do that involuntarily. [she does a snap kick which has him on the ground] Oh! Sorry about that! I can't help it! It's this neural condition I have, you see... Are you going to write me up, or what? Cop: [crawling away] N... nah... never mind... need... donuts... [Ame shrugs and closes the door.] Computer: Construction process is now complete. Ame: [turns around to see a shiny new G-2 Gender Gun.] Let's rock. [Back at school, Jeff-chan is in English class, and again all the guys seem to be staring at her. Suddenly, the door is kicked in. When the dust clears, Ame stands there, rifle in hand.] Mrs. Hahn: What--?! What are you doing!? Ame: Just here for Jeff. Mrs. Hahn: Do you have a ... visitor's pass? Ame: [gesturing with rifle] You mean this isn't sufficient? Come on, Jeff. Jeff-chan: You'd damn well better know what you're doing. [Outside the class, Ame stands opposite Jeff.] Ame: Don't worry. I talked to General Galaxy's techies, and got this dual animus/anima transmog rifle. One shot from the animus mode and you'll be back to normal right away. Jeff-chan: Well, go on already! [Ame grins, points the gun at Jeff-chan, and pulls the trigger. A blast of navy blue energy lances out, striking her squarely. Jeff-chan collapses to the ground, and a moment later, Jeff, stands up, restored to his normal self.] Jeff: YES! I'm a guy again! Ame: See, I told you I'd fix it! [foot sweeps him, then picks him up by one arm.] Come on, let's get back to your place and tell Ada the good news. [she drops the rifle and activates her jet pack] Jeff: But what about that gun? Ame: Don't need it anymore, do we? [Ame blasts off, with Jeff in tow. The camera, however stays on the gun. A small display on it says "CAUTION: OVERLOAD", flashing yellow and red. A few seconds later, the gun explodes, unleashing alternating streams of pink and dark blue energy throughout the school. Fade out.] Interesting Times Extra Theater #6: The Aftermath [Jeff, Ada, Ame, and the twins are in the living room.] Ada: So, what happened after the gun exploded? Ame: Apparently it released all of the animus and anima energy in its power cells, so... Anne: It did sex change operations on about a third of the school. Jeff: The school just became an even stranger place than it already was. Amy: Yeah, you should've seen Alex... well we call him Allie now. [giggle] Ada: But how are we going to fix this mess? Ame: Don't worry about it. I heard it'll wear off after a few weeks, on account of the energy being so diffused. Anne: But until then... ------------------------------------------------------------------ Interesting Times by Ewen "Blackbird" Cluney Episode #11: The Celestial Pair's New Partner Narrator: As another day comes to a close at the Foster residence, Bob, father of the family, is just coming home from a long, hard day at work at Developmental Neogenetics Amalgamated, the world's largest genetics firm. [Bob walks in the door. He is wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase.] Bob: Hi, y'all! Ada: Hi... dad! Diane: Hello, dear. How was work? Bob: Oh, you know. Same old same old. [he hangs up his coat and sets down his briefcase.] So, how was your day at school? Jeff: Well, the whole gender gun fiasco is still causing problems, especially since they're auditing the school records this week. [Mittens walks into the room. Amy and Pao-Gui are a little on-edge, but everyone else is more or less oblivious to the presence of the cat.] Bob: Oh, really? Well, [he sets himself down in the easy chair] I think I'll put on the news now. [changes the channel.] Newscaster: And today there was yet another battle between the creations of the now infamous Dr. F and Dyna-Woman, local superheroine. Narrator: As the family continues to watch the news, hearing of the events of the day, one member, Mittens, cares little for the events of the outside world. [Mittens looks up at Bob's coat. Suddenly, a vial drops from one pocket, stopping in mid-air just before striking the ground. The stopper pulls itself out, and Mittens proceeds to drink the contents, a glowing green ooze.] [The next morning; Amy is looking at the newspaper.] Amy: Dyna-Woman is amazing! She saved the day again! Diane: [poking her head in the room] Amy! It's past 8 o'clock! Amy: No way! I'm late again! Why didn't you wake me up earlier? Diane: I tried to, but you kept on sleeping. [A short while later, Amy races out the door and heads off down the street. Suddenly, she steps on something, and stops to see what it is; before her is a cat. Mittens, specifically.] Amy: Oh! Mittens! What are you doing here? [she picks him up] I'm so sorry! I didn't see you! You'd better just go back home. [She sets him down. Mittens manages a nod as she walks away. Cut to a bit later, at school.] Mr. Chen: Once again, you are LATE, Ms. Foster! Amy Voice Over: Oh, I'm so _hungry_! Mr. Chen: Not only that, but your score on the last quiz was THIRTY PERCENT! You should dedicate more time to your scholastic efforts if you hope to graduate from this school! I will now allow you all five minutes to contemplate your failure! Silvie: Gee, I got an 85. Pao-Gui: Ninety-five. It was easy! Janice: Yeah, but you're from... China... [Later on, at Lunch; The twins are there, along with Silvie and two other girls.] Girl #1: Did you hear? There was another jewelry store robbery last night. Girl #2: How scary! Iggy: Yeah, but Dyna-Woman stopped them! Silvie: Dyna-Woman? Iggy: Hello?! Don't you watch the news? She's this superheroine; she can fly and shoot lasers out of her eyes and stuff! Girl #1: Wow, a jewelry store! I wish I could see the thieves' loot! Amy: Yeah, it must be all full of beautiful diamonds and rubies. Anne: Say, Silvie, doesn't your mom run a jewelry store? Silvie: Um, yeah... Actually, there's a big sale on right now. Why don't we go there after school? Girl #2: Sounds good to me! [Meanwhile, Mittens is wandering the city. His eyes have turned color, becoming indigo instead of their usual yellow. He stops, perching on a fence.] Mittens: What's happened to me? [He stops short, realizing that he just spoke in English, and in a voice rather like a teenaged guy.] Mittens: It must've been that stuff Bob had... I--I have a human intelligence now? Street Bum: Shaddap already! If I hear another damn talking cat, I swear, I'll-- Mittens: Um, sorry! I'll just be going now... [After school, the girls are looking in the window of Carol's Jewelry Boutique.] Amy: Look at the ruby in that necklace! It must be worth a fortune! Girl #1: Look at all the people, though! [The look inside; there is a large crowd, and Carol (Silvie's mom) and her assistants can barely keep up.] Silvie: Come on inside, at least. [As they go in, Carol greets them.] Carol: Hi there, Silvie! Back from school, I see, and you brought your friends along! Go ahead and look around. I'll let you have a special discount, if you like. [The others go to look, but Amy stops.] Amy: I want one, but... [she opens her purse and checks her wallet -- only the quiz is in there.] I used up my allowance already! And with a 30 on the quiz, there's no way dad will buy one for me! I guess I'll go home... [She crumples up the paper, and tosses it behind her. It smacks Rick in the face.] Rick: Could you be more careful--?! Amy? Amy: Rick? Oh, I'm sorry! Rick: It's okay, Amy. Here. [he hands her the quiz back] I have to go, though. I'll see you tomorrow. [Amy watches him head off, then starts going home. As she does so, she sees the arcade.] Amy: I guess I could stop by for a quick game... [She's about to walk into the arcade, when she sees mittens standing there. He looks up at her.] Amy: What are you doing here? [Mittens sort of shrugs.] Amy: Never mind. I'd better just take you home. [Back at home, Diane is there when she walks in.] Diane: Hi, Amy! How did you do on the quiz today? Amy: Um... that is... well... [Cut briefly to a view of outside the house.] Diane: THIRTY PERCENT!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Later on, that night, Carol stands in the store, holding a sphere of energy in her hands.] Carol: [laughs] So much energy! [Silvie pokes her head through the door.] Silvie: Mom? [Carol turns to face her, grinning evilly. Back at the Foster residence, in Amy's room. Mittens walks over to Amy, who is sleeping.] Mittens: Hey, wake up! [no response] AMY! This is important! [no response still. He sighs, and holds out one paw, extending his claws.] I don't want to do this, but-- [he scratches her face] Amy: OW! ... Mittens?! What are you doing?! Mittens: I had to wake you up! It's important! Amy: This is a dream, right? Mittens: No! Bob brought something home, and I drank it and... well, I'm a lot smarter now. That doesn't matter, though! You need to get to that jewelry store. Amy: What? Why? Mittens: Silvie's in trouble! Her mother has been replaced by some sort of monster! We need the Celestial Pair! Amy: But... how did you know about that? Mittens: How many times have you transformed right in front of me? Amy: Oh, yeah. Well, lemme wake up Anne. [she stands up and walks into Anne's room, next door] Anne! We need to go! Anne: [muttering] Tired. Leave me alone. Amy: Silvie's in trouble! Come *ON*! I can't transform without you! Anne: Oh, allright... [Later on, at the store; Pretty Sun bursts into the room. Pretty Moon, barely awake, follows. "Carol", now contorted into a demonic form, turns to face them.] Carol-thing: And who are you? P. Sun: I am Pretty Sun, defender of Love! [there is a long pause, before they realize that Pretty Moon is asleep.] Mittens: Agh! We could be in trouble! Carol-thing: More than you know. Right, Lord Eclipse? [Pan over, to where Lord Eclipse is standing.] P. Sun: Eclipse?! _You're_ behind this?! Eclipse: Of course. And soon I will have enough energy to unleash the ultimate evil. P. Sun: Not if I have anything to say about it! PRETTY SOLAR ACTIVATION! [She raises her naginata up, holding it vertically, and a sphere of light appears around the blade, then rapidly expands. When at last it ends, the Carol-thing is gone, though Eclipse still remains.] Eclipse: Hmph. She was but a simple creation. You'll have to do far better than that to defeat me! P. Sun: Um, uh... Sis, I could really use some help here! Eclipse: Fool! The necklace she bought here was of my own creation, and it steadily drains the energy of the wearer. P. Sun: Which means... [she darts towards Anne, and pulls off the necklace] Now she'll wake up! Eclipse: But not soon enough! SHADOW BLADE! [he brings his arms forward in a sweeping gesture, and numerous ribbons of darkness shoot forth] P. Moon: [suddenly awake] UMBRAL WAVE! [a stream of shimmering white energy flies forth from her naginata. It meets the Shadow Blade, and the two cancel each other out. She then turns to Pretty Sun.] Let's finish this! P. Sun: Right! P. Sun & P. Moon: FINAL SOLAR STRIKE! [They touch the blades of their polearms together, and a wave of energy flies out in all directions. When it ends, Eclipse is nowhere to be seen.] P. Sun: Yes! We did it! Mittens: Just in time, too. Silvie: [picks herself up] What... happened? ... Where's my mom?! [Mittens walks over to a door on the side of the room and scratches at it. Silvie opens it, and there is the real Carol, bound and gagged. Silvie starts to untie her.] Carol: Mght skhhoo-- I mean, thank you. P. Moon: All part of the job. We'd better get going. Carol: But... who are you? P. Moon: [sigh] We're the Celestial Pair, Defenders of Love and Justice. Now, if you'll excuse us... [The Celestial Pair, along with Mittens, are walking back home.] P. Moon: Wait, so you're sentient now? Mittens: Um, yeah. Psychic too, I think. P. Sun: Does this mean you're going to stop doing that demonic stuff all the time? Mittens: [laughs] I'm pretty sure I can control that now. Interesting Times Extra Theater #7: Returning Home After The Battle [Amy and Anne, and Mittens have just snuck in through a window.] Anne: Okay, let's get some sleep. Jeff: Where the hell have you guys been? [The three of them stop short.] Anne: [to Amy] I told you that wasn't the right window. Mittens: Never mind-- Jeff: Wait a minute. Who said that? Amy: Well, um... that is... Jeff: Come on. Did you bring a guy home with you or something? I won't tell mom or anything. Amy: That was... Anne: Mittens. Jeff: _What?_ Mittens: Um, yeah. I'm sorta' sentient now. Jeff: [sigh] I don't care anymore. Just go to sleep. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Interesting Times by Ewen "Blackbird" Cluney Episode #12: A Date of Danger! {Quick note: Dialogue enclosed with greater than/less than signs ("<" and ">") are in Cantonese with English and Chinese subtitles.} [Jeff is laying down on the couch, and Ada is leaning on the back of the couch. They both watch Pao-Gui walk past them from left to right, then right to left, and again.] Jeff: Would you just give it a rest? Pao-Gui: I can't help it. I'm nervous. Jeff: Haven't you ever been on a date before? Pao-Gui: Well... no. Not unless you count studying together... Ada: What is a date anyway? Jeff: Well, it's when a guy and a girl -- usually -- get together and go somewhere to have fun and possibly be romantic and stuff. Ada: Really? Will you take me on a date sometime? Jeff: Um, sure. [The doorbell rings.] Ada: There she is! [Pao-Gui nods nervously, and then goes over to the door and opens it. Silvie stands there, wearing jeans and a T-shirt with a cartoon rabbit on it.] Silvie: Hi there, Pao-Gui... Ready to go? Pao-Gui: Um... yes. Silvie: [to Jeff] Hi, Jeff! Jeff: Um, hi. Silvie: Well... we'd better get going if we want to make it the movie on time. Jeff: Um, bye. [Elsewhere, Iggy and Janice are in Janice's car, driving.] Janice: I'm still not sure why I let you talk me into seeing this Hong... Kong movie. I mean, those are so *cheezy*. Iggy: [shrugs] Not half as bad as some of the American action flicks they come up with. Janice: Uh huh. Whatever. And it's at that artsy theater too. Iggy: Hey, that place is hella' cool! They show the Rocky Horror Picture Show sometimes, along with classic sci-fi and kickass foreign stuff, even some anime once in a while. [Pao-Gui sits, uncomfortably, in the passenger seat of Silvie's Honda, as she drives along.] Silvie: Don't you ever loosen up? Pao-Gui: Well, not often. My parents usually object. Silvie: So? They're in China right now, aren't they? Pao-Gui: Well, yes, but I have other concerns as well. Silvie: Like what? Pao-Gui: Well, there's my experiments to consider, plus the possible presence of... unusual influences. Silvie: [smiles] Experiments? Pao-Gui: I am an alchemist. Silvie: No way! Pao-Gui: It's true! Since I was thirteen I have been working on an immortality potion. Silvie: Any luck? Pao-Gui: Well, not really. I did turn Jeff's cat into a demon once, but it changed back later. [The car pulls up in front of the Towne 3 theater, a quaint little place with classical architecture. The two of them get out of the car, and immediately realize that another pair -- Iggy and Janice, have just gotten out of Janice's Saturn.] Silvie: What a coincidence! Iggy: What're you guys doing here? Don't tell me you're into Jackie Chan too? Pao-Gui: Of course! He's the biggest superstar in the world, you know... Janice: Well, let's go inside so we can get good seats. Silvie: Good idea. [Inside the lobby, the four of them are waiting in line at the snack bar. Pao-Gui is trying to put Silvie between himself and Janice.] Silvie: [whispering] What's with you? Pao-Gui: [also whispering] You seem to have a short memory; I have good reason to be nervous around Janice. At least this time I am prepared-- Iggy: This is going to be seriously cool, though! Armor of God II is supposed to be one of his best movies. 'Course, I don't know if he could possibly top City Hunter for laughs... Silvie: You're really into this stuff, aren't you? Iggy: Hell yeah! Since I was a kid I always used to come here to catch the Hong Kong movie double features. Clerk: How may I help you? Iggy: Large popcorn and four cokes, Al. Clerk: Comin' up. [Finally, with some refreshments, they go into the theater and sit down, Janice, then Iggy, then Silvie, and finally Pao-Gui from left to right.] Janice: How much longer before it starts? Iggy: [looks at watch] Oh... another five minutes or so. [Close-up of Pao-Gui, who is checking his pockets.] Silvie: Would you just relax? Pao-Gui: Sorry. It's difficult under these circumstances. [A short while later, the movie begins, with Jackie Chan driving a jeep through mountains. For a while, everything is calm, though Pao-Gui is constantly nervously looking over at Janice, who is staring blankly at the movie screen.] Pao-Gui: I don't like the look of this. Iggy: Yeah, he's gonna' be in it deep! This is so cool! Janice: [suddenly stands up, then hovers a few feet above the ground, facing Pao-Gui] Pao-Gui: [stands up, backing away] [Several people in the audience tell them to be quiet in polite and not-so-polite tones. Janice crosses her arms over her chest and concentrates for a moment, and is transformed into Fei-Lei, evil Chinese sorceress.] Fei-Lei: Pao-Gui: [he pulls out a ward, holding it between two fingers.] Fei-Lei: Silvie: What the hell is going on? Iggy: Offhand I'd say she's trying to get revenge for some ancestral vendetta or something. Silvie: How can you tell? Iggy: Well, I've seen a lot of these without the subtitles; you start to pick it up after a while. Fei-Lei: [She raises her arms high above her head, then shoves them towards Pao-Gui, dual ribbons of mystic cloth lancing out. Pao-Gui narrowly dodges them, but falls to the ground.] Iggy: Cool! That was just like in Blood Kid! Silvie: "Blood Kid"? Iggy: Well, it was supposed to be something like "Blood _Child_", but you know how these translations can be... Pao-Gui: [standing up] [he throws his ward at her; it soars straight, propelled by mystical force, and adheres to her forehead. He then makes a two-fingered hand gesture at her, and the ward explodes.] [There is a brief silence, then coughing can be heard, and Fei-Lei emerges from the smoke, singed but otherwise allright.] Iggy: Now all we need is a decapitating thing like in The Heroic Trio. Fei-Lei: [she makes a quick series of intricate hand gestures, and a glowing kanji appears on her forehead (the character for lightning). A moment later, the light fixtures in the theater explode.] Iggy: That could work too... [Pao-Gui shields himself as fragments of glass comes down from above, then pulls out a second ward, this time holding it in his hand.] Pao-Gui: [The ward is instantly consumed by flames, and a massive dragon made of living flame bursts upwards from the floor, swallowing Fei-Lei.] Iggy: Damn! When did this become an anime?! Silvie: You haven't been paying much attention, have you? [The dragon flies around the theater once, and then abruptly dissipates, and Fei-Lei hovers above the audience.] Pao-Gui: Fei-Lei: Pao-Gui: Fei-Lei: Pao-Gui: Fei-Lei: Pao-Gui: Fei-Lei: Pao-Gui: ... um... Fei-Lei: Pao-Gui: Fei-Lei: Pao-Gui: RUN FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Pao-Gui bolts, and Iggy and Silvie are quick to follow. When they get outside, they accidentally slam into a man wearing a black cape. He whirls around to face them.] Pao-Gui: The... Inklord? Inklord: The one and only. What are you doing here? Silvie: We... we were watching the movie, and our friend Janice turned into an evil sorceress all of a sudden, and she started tearing up the place, and-- Inklord: Say no more. I will not allow her to continue to defile this place of motion picture entertainment! [Cut to a tiny bit later; Fei-Lei hovers above the theater, surrounded by a faint red glow. The Inklord strides in with a flourish, and points at her dramatically.] Inklord: I will not allow you to continue to defile this place any longer! I am the stain of justice that cannot be washed out! I am THE INKLORD! Fei-Lei: And what could a pathetic mortal like you possibly do to me?! [The Inklord smiles, then pulls out a pistol. He fires a grappling hook at the ceiling, pulls himself up with it, pulls out a bola, and expertly throws the bola at her. It entangles her arms and she falls to the ground.] Inklord: [lowering himself] That is what I can do. Fei-Lei: FOOL! [She concentrates and the cords of the bola snap. Then she makes some hand gestures, and shoots more ribbons at him.] [He dodges the ribbons, charging forwards through the storm of fabric, and pokes her lightly in the forehead, right where the kanji is. She falls unconscious, the robes fading back into Janice's usual clothing.] Inklord: You obviously didn't read Final Guardians #23! [strikes a pose] The Inklord is victorious! Janice: What the hell happened? And who the hell are you?! What the hell kind of mask is that? What're you supposed to be, the incredible Homework Man? Inklord: No... I am... THE INKLORD! The ultimate comic collector! Janice: Whatever. The only think you have over Jeff is that stupid getup. [As the two of them argue, fade to black.] ------------------------------------------------------------------ Interesting Times by Ewen "Blackbird" Cluney Episode #13: It's Silvie's Birthday!: A Very Unusual Party [It's lunchtime; Jeff, the twins, Pao-Gui, Iggy, and Janice are sitting at the table.] Jeff: So... where's Silvie? Silvie: [popping up from behind] Right here! And I have great news! My birthday party's on Saturday! [she pulls out a stack of invitations and hands them to everyone.] Don't miss it! [she sits down] Jeff Voice Over: What the hell am I going to get for her?! Silvie: [to Jeff] Oh, and bring Ada too. I bet she'll have fun. Amy: How old are you going to be? Silvie: Seventeen. Anne: And I bet you're still planning on cake and ice cream, right? Silvie: How--? Anne: Never mind. We'll be there, of course. [Later on; Jeff is at the comics store, looking around.] Nate: I know you know your way around here, since you started coming to this store when you were six, so what're you thinking about? Jeff: Well... I'm trying to think of a present for Silvie. Nate: She's that girl from school you like, right? Jeff: Um hm. Nate: Only it'll never happen because you have to marry Ada. Jeff: [lowers head] Do you have to rub it in? Nate: Sorry. Being a teenager can mess you up like that, I suppose... I wouldn't know, mind you. Jeff: What, you were never a teenager? Nate: Well, not in the conventional sense... Too introverted. Anyway, I seem to remember you telling me that Silvie was into cartoons? Jeff: Yeah... Nate: Well, I have just the thing. Inklord: [popping up from behind] And what might this be? Nate: [pulls out a book] The Definitive History of American Animation. Everything you ever wanted to know about cartoons. Inklord: That is a rare item indeed! Nate: Chill out, Inky. I have -- Oh my... only one copy! [reaches under the counter, pressing a button labeled "CAMERA RECORD."] Inklord: Hmm... [looks back at Jeff] This once, since it is for someone else, I will allow you to have it. Nate: Darn. Jeff: "Darn"?! Nate: Oh... well... I've kinda' been showing the security tape of you guys' last couple duels. They're pretty damn popular. [Jeff and the Inklord look at each other, and then at Nate.] Inklord: Be that as it may, there is one other matter to address. Jeff: What is it this time?! Inklord: There is also but one copy remaining of Platinum Man #42! Jeff: WHAT?! That's the annual double issue! Inklord: And I will not give it up without a fight! Nate: That's more like it! Jeff & Inklord: [to Nate] You stay out of this! [Jump ahead to Saturday; Jeff, the twins, Pao-Gui, and Ada have just been dropped off in front of Silvie's house. Bob waves to them from the van.] Bob: Y'all have a good time now! I'll be busy today, so if anything happens, give me a page! Bye! [drives off] Anne: Nice place. Jeff: It should be... Her father's an avionics engineer. Amy: And her mom runs a jewelry store... Well, let's go! [The four of them walk up to the door; a fraction of a second before Jeff rings the doorbell Silvie opens the door.] Silvie: Hi! You made it! Come on in... [They step inside; seated at a large table are Silvie's parents, Carol and Bernie (a slender, somewhat geeky guy, dressed conservatively), and Iggy and Janice and a couple of other girls.] Silvie: Mom, Dad; you know Jeff and Amy and Anne, and this is Pao-Gui! Bernie: [stands up, shakes Pao-Gui's hand] Nice to meet you; Silvia's told us a lot about you, you know. Carol: Well, I think that's everyone... [she reaches somewhere, and pulls out a large cake, decorated with incredible complexity, with seventeen candles on it] Let's get started! [Silvie giggles and sits in front of the cake; Jeff & company takes seats as well.] Bernie: Let me light those for you... [He pulls out a cigarette lighter and lights the candles. They burn normally for a moment, and then suddenly each unleashes a vertical stream of flame.] Amy: AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! Anne: Where's the fire extinguisher?! Bernie: Wait a minute... [looks at a small box] Well how about that! I went and got _Roman_ candles by mistake! Ada: [reaches for a pistol] I'll get it! Carol: Well, don't just sit there; put them out already! [Pao-Gui pulls out two test tubes, pours the contents of one into the other, and then holds it above the cake. The flames slowly die out.] Bernie: Well I'll be a great horny toad... How'd you do that? Pao-Gui: I just mixed some chemicals, the reaction created carobon dioxide; without oxygen the fire can't burn. Silvie: You're so smart! Carol: ... Well, let's cut the cake! [she pulls out a kitchen knife and makes a few slices worthy of Miyamoto Musashi, and each slice lands on a series of small plates. She waits for a moment as everyone watches in awe before handing one to Silvie.] [A short while later, the cake and ice cream have been eaten, and Silvie suddenly stands up.] Silvie: Um, I'll be back in a minute... [She leaves the room in a hurry.] Ada: Is that all? Carol: No, dear. Silvie still needs to open her presents... Silvie: [rushes back into the room -- her Animaniacs t-shirt has now changed to one with an unknown cartoon rabbit who is wearing a blue t-shirt and is in a scared pose] Okay! Let's go! Carol: [hands Silvie a present at random] Here you go. Silvie: It's from... Ada! [she opens the package, whose wrapping is in a pattern of assorted high-tech guns and explosive devices. This reveals a box with a picture of a pistol on it and lots of writing in an alien language.] Um... what is it? Ada: It's a neural stunner pistol with laser sight. Real good for self defense! Silvie: Um... yeah. Thank you! [picks up another one] This is from Amy and Anne... [she opens the package it reveals a package labeled "Ultimate Virtual Pet."] Wow! A tamagachi! I've been wanting one of these for ages! Anne: You mean "tamagotchi," ne? [said with heavy Japanese accent] Silvie: Thank you. [she takes the next one] Narrator: And so Silvie proceeds through her presents; [as he names the various presents they fly by the camera] a copy of the sountrack of Toon World from Iggy, a chemistry set from Pao-Gui, a tape of Kuma no Pu-taro* from Janice, a video of "Tiny Toon Adventures: How I Spent My Summer Vacation" from Girl #2, a necklace from Girl #3 (we really ought to name some of these extras one of these days and-- never mind), a stereo boom box from her parents, and finally there's only one present left. {*In case you don't know (which is likely), Kuma no Pu-taro is a Japanese kid's cartoon, starring a sadistic, lecherous, gluttonous bear named Pu-taro, along with his cohorts, Myuu, Shiawase Usagi ("Happy Bunny"), Ushi, Kami-sama, and several other wierdos. Could be worse; there's always Shin-chan...} Silvie: Only one left! It's from Jeff! [Jeff blushes; she opens it, revealing the book he bought at the comics shop.] Silvie: WOW! Do you know how long I've wanted this book?! Oh, thank you Jeff! [she gives him a hug, and a trickle of blood flows out of his nose. Suddenly, she looks at her watch, and becomes worried.] Um, just a minute! [she runs out of the room] Carol: You know, Bernie, she's been doing that an awful lot lately... Silvie: [heard in the distance] No! Stop! They'll see you! Anne: What the--? [Silvie slams the door, and leans against it. Jeff gets up and walks over to her.] Jeff: You okay? Silvie: Um, yeah, yeah! Jeff: Wait a minute... [He looks at her shirt, and realizes that the rabbit is now in a more serious pose, and is looking back at him.] What the--? [the rabbit freezes] What's going on? Silvie: Well... [Suddenly the door is broken down and cartoon creatures, ranging from full- fledged humanoid critters to strange doodles, flood outwards, into the dining room. Jeff helps Silvie out from under the door.] Jeff: [sighs] Mind telling me what's going on? Amy: [heard in the distance] AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Silvie: Well, it's sorta' hard to explain. [The rabbit on her shirt smiles nervously.] Anne: [in distance] I'll get it off you, Amy, just hold still!! Jeff: Look, you have no idea how wierd my life is right now. On my wierdness scale this is actually relatively minor. Amy: [in distance] AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Iggy: [in distance] Damn! What the hell?! Silvie: Well, see my grandpa was a cartoonist, and when he died-- Janice: [in distance] Don't even think about it! Silvie: --he left me his drawing stuff, and I found this one pen, and when I used it to draw a picture of Robert, he sort of became real... Girl #3: [in distance] EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jeff: Robert? Rabbit: [jumps off of the shirt] That's me! The first one! Ada: [in distance] Fine! Take that! And that! And that! And that! Jeff: And you... overdid it a bit? Silvie: Um, yeah... [Several of the cartoon characters run back into Silvie's room] Ada: [in distance] That's right! Never mess with a Nwei warrior! Jeff: [shrugs] I suspected there was something odd about you... Robert: What do you mean by that? Jeff: No, I didn't mean anything like that, just that _all_ of my friends have some quirk or another. Janice is the reincarnation of an evil Chinese sorceress, Pao-Gui is an alchemist, Iggy's a werewolf... And you've got a bunch of living cartoons running around your house. Silvie: You mean you don't mind? Jeff: 'Course not. Why should I? They're not blowing stuff up-- [and explosion rings out in the distance] Okay, so they are, but they're not trying to take over the world [maniacal laughter echoes through the house ]... But at least, unlike Ame, they arent' -- no, I'd better not say it, at this rate. Robert: Well... We sort of got overexcited. Sorry about that. I'll see if I can't get the rest back in the room. [he strides into the living room.] [Shortly later; Silvie and Jeff sit down at the table again. Everyone else is sitting there looking shocked.] Jeff: Nice and quiet. [yawns, lays his head down on the table] Anne: Jeff? How the _hell_ can you be so damn calm? Iggy: That was kind of cool... Amy: Speak for yourself! [to Silvie] What's with that stupid coyote?! Silvie: Um... he's a wolf, actually. Janice: Looked a little skinny for a wolf. Definitely a coyote. Silvie: He's a _wolf_! Just ask him! Janice: Uh huh. Whatever. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Interesting Times by Ewen "Blackbird" Cluney Episode #14: Double Trouble! Princess Aaino Will Have Her Revenge [Jeff is in the kitchen, looking at the calendar. Ada pops up behind him.] Ada: What're you doing, Jeff? Jeff: Just looking at the calendar... Summer vacation starts soon. Ada: Vacation? Jeff: Yeah; June, July, and August there's no school. Ada: Why would you spend an entire season out of school? Jeff: Well... It's based on an old agricultural system... But I still have to figure out what to do for the summer... Ada: We could go to the PleasureDrome on Ixa...? Jeff: Well... I think that can wait until later. Ada: Aw... What do you want to do, then? Jeff: Well... I was thinking about getting a job. Besides, Comic ConFusion is coming up in August. Ada: What's that? Jeff: It's a comic book convention! Nearly all the comic collectors and vendors in the tri-state area, along with some industry veterans come together for four days! If I'm going to keep my title, I _HAVE_ to be there. Ada: Title? Jeff: [strikes a dramatic pose] As the Greatest Comic Collector! The Inklord will be trying to unseat me, but he will NOT succeed! Ada: I've never met anyone like you, you know... [Cut to Earth orbit; a Kaio ship glides on camera. Cut to its interior, where Princess Aaino hovers at the center.] Narrator: And even as Ada tries to comprehend Jeff's leanings towards otakudom, Princess Aaino, of the Kaio Empire, prepares to begin a scheme which she's been preparing since her defeat last season. Aaino: Soon, Ada. Soon I will have my revenge! [she turns and looks behind her] Are you ready, Ffej? [Pan down, to where a figure sits in the shadows. He slowly stands up, to reveal what appears to be Jeff, wearing black jeans and a red shirt. Ffej's hair is also black instead of brown.] Ffej: Yes, princess. [Back on Earth, in Mr. Chen's classroom.] Mr. Chen: I realize that there are only two weeks of class left before the summer. HOWEVER! Your final exams will be on that last week! The final counts as FORTY PERCENT of your overall grade! If you miss the exam YOU WILL FAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Narrator: And as Mr. Chen continues to lecture his class on classical greek theater and its relations to present-day expressionism, Jeff begins to think about what strangeness might await him today; will more aliens invade, or will a strange demonic being from a parallel universe be called to the school, or will it just be something minor, like the time when he found a five dollar bill from the year he was born, and then just happened to be offered a copy of Ultimate Anteater #50 for five dollars? Of course, we know that something a bit more unpleasant that usual is about to happen, but it wouldn't be any fun if Jeff knew about it, right? Mr. Chen: [to narrator] WILL YOU PLEASE CARRY OUT YOUR NARRATION ELSEWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM *ATTEMPTING* TO CONDUCT A CLASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Narrator: Ahem. Let us move forward in time a bit, to the end of the day... [Cut to Jeff walking home.] Narrator: Jeff heads home, completely unaware of the fate that awaits him. He is calm, even bored, yet the events to come could change his life irrevocably! Jeff: I just know something odd is going to happen. Today's been way too normal so far... Or maybe I've just gotten so used to wierdness that they've just decided to make today boring just to confuse me... [Out of nowhere, Ffej lands in front of him.] Jeff: Or I could be wrong... Ffej: You're mine. [he strikes Jeff in the chest with one finger, and Jeff falls unconscious, and then vanishes] Now, to carry out my mission... [picks up Jeff's backpack and starts walking] Aaino Voice Over: First you must capture her heart, then you must shatter it! [Ffej laughs. Cut to shortly later, when he arrives at home. Ada opens the door as he walks up the steps.] Ada: Hi, Jeff! How was school? Ffej: Fine. [he steps past her, and sets the backpack down on the floor] Come here for a moment. Ada: Yeah? [Ffej suddenly grabs her and kisses her. After a few seconds she starts to turn red. Twenty seconds later, when he finally lets go, she is _glowing_. She spends the next twenty seconds with her hands flat against her cheeks in embarasment, making incoherent noises.] Ffej Voice Over: Phase one accomplished. Amy: Oh my God! Jeff?! Are you feeling okay? Ffej: I'm fine! What do you care? Amy: Well... It's not like you've done that before... And your hair is black instead of brown... Did you dye it or something? ... Wait, and when did you change your clothes? Ffej Voice Over: She suspects something... Damn, what should I do? Ffej: None of your bussiness. Amy: [stares at Ffej for several seconds] Um... okay. [walks away] Ada: And you.. and I.. and, and, andandandand... Um... uh... and... Ffej Voice Over: Now, how do I proceed with phase two? Anne: [heard in the distance] WHAT?! Are you _serious_?! Ffej Voice Over: She is well-trained in combat and would be a terrible opponent. But then, she would never strike her precious Jeff. [Ffej laughs out loud. Ada stops.] Ada: What's so funny? Ffej: [suprised] Um... uh... nothing! Ada: [looks at his suspiciously] What?! Are you making fun of me or something? Ffej: No! No! Of course not! I--! [She slaps him.] Ffej Voice Over: She must know! It's too late to back out now! Ffej: I take it you have discerned who I really am-- Ada: Huh? Ffej: A duplicate of your precious Jeff, created by none other than Princess Aaino! And now I will destroy you! [he makes one hand into a fist, and it seethes with green energy] Ada: What?! Wait! Jeff! Ffej: Now, I will wreak vengeance! [Ada barely dodges as his fist slams into (and through) the floor.] Ada: Jeff! Why are you doing this!? ... *HOW* are you doing this? Ffej: DIDN'T YOU HEAR A WORD I JUST SAID?! I AM *NOT* JEFF!!!!! Ada: What are you talking about? You look just like him! Ffej: [sigh] That is because I was created from a sample of his DNA! I am designated "Ffej", and I was created by Ixan scientists, a copy of Jeff with the opposite tendencies, evil rather than good. Amy: I thought he looked different! Ada: Oh! Why didn't you say so? Ffej: [face-faults, then gets up] WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? Ada: So, you're an evil version of Jeff, and you're going to try to kill me? Ffej: That is correct. Ada: Oh. Okay. [she lashes out with a kick to the midsection, throwing him across the room, then fires her stun pistol at him, the blast hitting him just before he slams into the wall] Oooh! That Aaino makes me _SO_ mad sometimes! [Cut to Aaino watching from her spaceship; Jeff is next to her, encased in a large bluish crystal.] Jeff: Wow. Sucks to be you. Aaino: SILENCE! I will not tolerate any more of your wise-cracking! Jeff: [shrugs] Okay. Now what? Aaino: I should kill you... Jeff: I was wondering... Aaino: But if I do, your world will go to the Nwei by default, so I must return you to your home. [Back at the house, Jeff suddenly materializes. He looks around, and sees his dopplegander lying on the floor.] Jeff: There you are, you jerk. Ffej: [picking himself up] Who're you calling a jerk?! Jeff: Who do you think? Ada: Jeff? Jeff & Ffej: Yeah? Jeff: Stop it! Ffej: ME? You stop it! Jeff & Ffej: You're the one that's copying-- Never mind! Hey! CUT IT OUT! Ada: Jeff! You're back! [glomps Ffej] Jeff: Um, I'm Jeff! Ada: Oh, sorry! [she punches Ffej in the gut, then glomps Jeff] Ffej: Ow... That was unnecessary. Jeff: He has a point... Ada: [to Ffej] Now go away! Ffej: Fine! But I'll be back! [he vanishes in a swirl of greenish light] Jeff: That was short lived. We gotta' get Ryoga-sama to do longer episodes... Narrator: And so, another season of Interesting Times comes to a close. Everyone's safe, and no one got hurt, except the evil clone, of course. Interesting Times Extra Theater #8: Read Our Upcoming Movie! Narrator: What does the future hold for Jeff Foster and his friends? Interestingly enough (so to speak), the author does have plans laid out for the remainder of the series! Next up is the first Interesting Times Movie! Narrator #2 [typical hollywood deep-voice type]: Coming soon, to a homepage near you... [The scene; Jeff answers the door; a bluish blob-like alien stands there with a large package.] Alien: Galactic Postal Service; package from Nwei Prime. Narrator #2: It began when the package arrived... [Jump-cut; the package stands in the middle of the living room; Jeff looks at the packing list.] Jeff: Mark III Bioroid, Personal Assistant Type F? Narrator #2: And something emerged... [Jump-cut; the container opens, mists parting to reveal a girl, apparently about 16 years old; she has blue and green striped hair, and an odd symbol on her forehead. She wears a form-fitting swimsuit type thing, with a loose jacket over that. Her eyes open.] Narrator #2: And the chaos began... [Dramatic fast-paced action movie music begins, accompanied by a montage (sp?) of clips; three Men In Black are at the door; Jeff runs down a corridor; Ada engages an armor-plated insectoid creature in hand-to-hand combat; an old man in a suit looks at papers on his desk, speaking as the scenes continue--] O.M.: Soon, my dear Ada, we will have you... [--Jeff covers his ears as a grenade explodes in the distance; a small fleet of ships hover over the Earth; Ada pulls out and activates a wicked-looking high-tech rifle; the music reaches a crescendo as we see Jeff holding onto the girl's hand as she dangles over a gigantic generator hundreds of feet down; the screen goes black.] Girl: Forget me... save yourself! [A nifty computer animated logo flies onto the screen a piece at a time, making earth-shaking metallic clanking noises as each portion arrives (ain't DTS cool?).] INTERESTING TIMES MOVIE 1 Coming Soon Author's Note: The Interesting Times "movies" (I'm planning on doing three) will essentially be longer-than-average stories, written in prose format. Ditto for the OAVs. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Ewen "Blackbird" Cluney blackbird@blackbird.nu Blackbird's Domain http://www.blackbird.nu/ The Official Thrash Home Page http://thrash.blackbird.nu/ Knight Kevlar of the Immortal Frog Silver Knight of Mihoshi "Be nice to me; I might just develop psychokinetic powers and destroy Tokyo!" ------------------------------------------------------------------